How not to be snappy on lack of sleep with 3 kids

[MunsterMumm]

Baby no 3 is 5 weeks old and I also have a DS 6 and DD 4. The lack of sleep is turning me into a snappy monster and I am dreading Christmas holidays when DS and DD will be home for two weeks.

Baby is unsurprisingly not a good sleeper but the nail in the coffin of my patience is also the poor sleep of DS and DD. They bed hop all night and DS heads downstairs at 3am some nights to rattle around in the kitchen. DS did this during the pregnancy too in the hopes of watching TV but we have hidden the remote.

DH and I decided to divide and conquer- I take nights shifts with baby, he deals with the older two, but 6 and 4 years on we can't get them to sleep through the night in their own beds. We always take them back to their beds at night. Been doing this for years. Gro clocks and reward charts etc don't work.

Anyway after another night of bed hopping last night I could hear the chairs being scraped all over the kitchen floor at 6am by DS and DD and I went downstairs and had a go at them for making a racket and telling them you need to let me sleep and why won't you let me sleep?! Before stropping off.

Not great behaviour but I'm reaching the end of my tether and just can't be patient with them no matter how hard I try. I know I need to not snap but I don't know how to get them to either just sleep through the night or just stay in their bedroom at the very least.

What can I do to not be a snappy mum? DS said the other day that I never laugh or smile and it's true. I don't have PND, but I am annoyed and sleep deprived. Doesn't mean I don't love them/am not happy with my family, I am, just wish I had more sleep and didn't have to worry about their sleep.

In case anyone wonders we have tried everything we can think of to get the older two to stay in their room. Grow clock never works. We are very firm with them. We have consequences but this makes no difference/ they don't care. Tbf they aren't bad kids, they just won't stay in their rooms in the night.

Any advice much appreciated, including any advice on when it gets better.

Are they in separate rooms and getting up to go to each other?

@HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers DS and DD are in the same room at the moment. We are hoping to be able to go into the loft to have a separate rooms for them in the next few years.

Aw we had those age gaps too. Congrats on your new baby.

Hmm it’s a tricky one. We’ve always let them get up at 6 but they’ve never tried 3 am !!!! 6 year old is definitely old enough to lay down the law with. Sometimes they need a stern talking to and actually love a clear rule so don’t feel bad about that.

Have they got a Yoto/tonie? DS2 would always put Yoto Daily / Yoto radio on at 5am and stay in bed for an hour or so (as he knew 6am rule)

Send them to bed with a banana or whatever they can have in the morning if it’s hunger that’s getting them up??

It doesn’t sound like your husband is dealing with them though??

You need to take back control. How on earth have you got to this point? It sounds horrendous and they are only 4 and 6. They surely are also suffering through lack of sleep? How is their behaviour during the day?

If you’ve tried everything with the older two there probably isn’t loads to suggest. You need to maximise yours sleep where you can. Nap in the day. Get earplugs so you can tune it out (I found I would always hear the baby through them just stopped household noise). Set up something so if the older two get up (from 6) they can play quietly, TV is fine for this period. Buy in/ ask for help for some support for holidays do you can have a break and nap each day. Your husband needs to fully sort the older two, sleep in their room if he needs to. You’re all in survival mode and your sleep is a massive priority.

@Treatingmyself you are right, he should have got up and told them off this morning and made them go back to bed. He's sleeping in the third bedroom because of work and so it's easier to deal with the the kids/not to disturb me and baby but they still hop from their beds, to his bed, to mine. He was fast asleep at 6am hence why he didn't deal with them. I can't be too hard on him as I know he is exhausted too and he was looking after baby from 9am - 1 am las t night so I could get a decent chunk of sleep.

DS and DD are actually well behaved during the day and are good kids. DD does get more emotional at the moment come 4/5pm and definitely needs more sleep.

@ResusciAnnie thabk you. They do have a yoto but never use it so I think we need to leave that out for them to use. Good shout on the banana. Perhaps we could leave them a snack in their room.

The 6 year old does need a stern talking to, I'm not sure what good it will do as he has no respect for authority.

Sleep deprivation is the worst 💐

It sounds like they just need more support and comfort at night, no amount of star charts or taking them back to bed and leaving them there is going to help with this. Have you ever tried cosleeping with them? If I were you/your husband I’d be making a bed for DH in their room so he’s there for them to cuddle in the night. I bet they’d be more likely to stay there, DH will get more sleep too because he won’t be up and down. You sleep with baby, he sleeps with them.

Are they getting cold in the night? Can you turn the heating up a bit to see if they sleep better?

Personally, I’d split the kids up and put one in the third bedroom. Your DH can then share a bedroom with one of the kids which should hopefully mitigate them getting up to any joint trouble.