Not cancer does not mean fine

[elliejjtiny]

Ds has an appointment for biopsy results this afternoon. I haven't been talking about it because of the inevitable comments but i look visibly stressed so people ask what's wrong and i briefly tell them.

Cancer has been ruled out, thankfully but we are waiting to find out if it's the kind of cyst that is just a one off thing or if it's one that is likely to reoccur. He's already got one health condition that needs monitoring in case it comes back so i know the stress of the scan, waiting for results, waiting for surgery cycle. It's not something i want doubled. Also we are seeing another surgeon to check if another surgery has worked so I'm stressed about that too.

I have explained so many times that just because it isn't cancer doesn't mean everything is fine. But still i get "you know it's not cancer, why are you worried?" And worse is " If it was anything serious they would have phoned and told you", said with a patronising smile.

I am so sorry, and I hope you get some answers soon. People have no idea how to deal with illness or ambiguity in these sorts of situations. It’s easier to believe you’re neurotic than that there might be something wrong. It’s infuriating, and it begins to feel aggressively dismissive, even when people think they’re being helpful.

Sometimes people’s daft smiling platitudes make an already scary situation so much lonelier.

I get it. Sending you and DS comfort and wishing for some answers and good news.

I hope it works out ok, OP. I can see why you are stressed - it's a lot to bear.

I think most people struggle to go off script when trying to express sympathy or respond to negative events. I know I do. It is not appropriate for people to imply that you are overreacting and choosing to be stressed. However, it's rare to come across someone who can really think quickly and come out with something that hits the spot - unless they have lived what you are living.

Some people just don’t think.

Only tell those who you can trust to not minimise your worries. With any health concerns with our children, we just kept them between us as I really couldn’t be arsed with anyone’s ill thought out comments.

I hope it’s good news this afternoon and just a one off thing. 💐

I am sorry and I hope it goes well for your DS.

Cancer is not the worst thing that can happen to us, and I say that as one in remission. There are a lot of very debilitating conditions which people are suffering through. I do hope this is not the case here.

You may possibly be perceiving attempts to reassure you as patronising or minimising. As someone who has had serious cancer twice, I would likely say something similar but with the best of intentions.

Thankyou. Ds cyst has a 25% chance of reoccurring. So they will scan him again in a year and see if it has grown back or not.