Hi everyone,
I’m in Ireland, and since we don’t have Thanksgiving, Christmas here often feels like the closest equivalent — a time to slow down, enjoy some nice food, and spend time with loved ones. For me, it’s usually a chance to take a break after working hard all year. I like to stay home, watch movies, work on hobbies, and just decompress. I also help out around the house, of course.
But this year, I’m feeling really disheartened. I live with my mother, and I’ve been noticing increasingly toxic behaviour from her. She invades my privacy — goes through my room, my work bag, even my lunch — and sometimes takes things. The part that hurts the most is that if she simply asked, I’d usually be happy to share. Instead, I get passive-aggressive silence, bad moods, and actions that feel spiteful. She even dumped an expensive piece of exercise equipment of mine outside.
She also reacts negatively to my partner. We don’t live together, but whenever he calls for me, she looks resentful. He’s never done anything to her. She eavesdrops on my calls and shows no respect for my boundaries as an adult. In the last while she’s also been making odd demands for me to buy random household items we already have, like a fruit bowl, bread bin, or tablecloth — almost like she feels entitled to my wages.
Moving out isn’t realistic right now with the housing crisis.
Christmas has been difficult before too. Over the years she’s ruined it in various ways — from dramatically ripping down decorations the day after Christmas to refusing to put any up at all. One year, when the cooker broke, I organised everything and cooked Christmas dinner in a slow cooker. She refused all of it — the meal, the desserts, even sitting in the room with the fire lit.
This year, she insists we use a 45-year-old falling-apart Christmas tree instead of the nicer one I have, and she doesn’t want lights because she’s paranoid about the electricity bill (even though she uses plenty of high-energy appliances herself). The house feels dull and lifeless.
I’d been mentally preparing myself to just spend Christmas quietly in my room with pizza, dessert, movies, and my hobbies. I hadn’t told anyone that.
Then my partner invited me to spend Christmas with him. And now I’m torn.
Do I stay home with my mother, who is always bitter around Christmas and already giving off negative energy? Last night, while I was preparing an overseas parcel, she was being awful about that too.
Or do I go to my partner’s place and actually enjoy the day — but risk her becoming even more resentful and bitter if I leave her alone on Christmas?
Part of me really wants the peaceful lazy Christmas I’d planned…
But I also don’t know how much more of this negativity I can take.
Any advice would be appreciated.