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Original poster

Potential House Move - what would you do in these circumstances?

9 replies

PistachioTiramisu · 04/12/2025 09:52

DH and I want to move - the house he used to live in with his former wife has come onto the market. It has been refurbished to a very high standard, is really lovely and ticks most of my/his boxes. However, I feel a bit weird about moving into a house he shared with her before he met me - I have asked him if it feels weird to him and he says no. What kind of excuse could I make not to move there without sounding over-sensitive/selfish?

OP posts:
Aur0raAustralis · 04/12/2025 10:29

Don't give him an excuse. Tell him the truth: that you would feel weird living in a house that he lived in with his ex. There will be other houses done to a high standard.

NorthXNorthWest · 04/12/2025 10:30

It would not bother me if it ticked enough boxes to be top of the list of the houses I was viewing. I would not want an ex wife or partner to have level of control over my life.

schoolfriend · 04/12/2025 10:31

It's perfectly reasonable for you to not want to live there. Is there any reason you don't want to just tell him how you feel?

ETA - just reread and you think telling him makes you sound selfish and sensitive? Where you choose to live is important for both of you; you need to be able to tell him how you feel - it's not selfish.

Soundsfrazzled · 04/12/2025 10:33

It would bother me but I'd probably come up with another reason not to like it. No house is perfect and there will be another excuse you can give why it's not suitable - room size, layout, location, refurb done not to your preference, neighbours. There are enough houses out there to not have to go for this one.

schoolfriend · 04/12/2025 10:34

Soundsfrazzled · 04/12/2025 10:33

It would bother me but I'd probably come up with another reason not to like it. No house is perfect and there will be another excuse you can give why it's not suitable - room size, layout, location, refurb done not to your preference, neighbours. There are enough houses out there to not have to go for this one.

Why wouldn't you be honest out of interest?

MagpiePi · 04/12/2025 10:35

You would get over it being weird.

I inherited and moved into what was my childhood home after my parents died and at first felt weird about doing anything to 'their' house. It was maybe more intense as all of their things were still there and I kept a lot of the furniture and fixtures and fittings.

I am sure it wouldn't be so bad if you moved into an empty house. At least your DH will know about any potential problems or quirks that the house might have.

MN2025 · 04/12/2025 11:00

PistachioTiramisu · 04/12/2025 09:52

DH and I want to move - the house he used to live in with his former wife has come onto the market. It has been refurbished to a very high standard, is really lovely and ticks most of my/his boxes. However, I feel a bit weird about moving into a house he shared with her before he met me - I have asked him if it feels weird to him and he says no. What kind of excuse could I make not to move there without sounding over-sensitive/selfish?

There would be no difference to an ex partner splitting up and moving a new partner in.

It’s personal preference. You like the house but there is personal ‘history’ with it. It’s obviously going to look different to how it was before with the renovations so not exactly the same.

If not, there will be plenty of other properties that tick boxes for sure…

PurpleThistle7 · 04/12/2025 11:02

If you don’t want to live there that’s enough of a reason not to buy it. Personally I wouldn’t mind (I don’t think anyway!) but that’s not the point at all. As you say, it only ticks ‘most’ of the boxes anyway. I’d just say that feels odd to you and you want to be comfortable in your own home and keep looking.

piscofrisco · 04/12/2025 11:04

It would bother me immensely!

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