Would this rub you the wrong way?

[AintNobodyHereButUsChickens]

I did a training course over the last two days, it was a class of 14 doing it and we had a different tutor on each day. Yesterday, when the tutor walked in the room, he looked round at us all and when he saw this one young woman (who I’ll call ‘Gemma’) he literally did a double take and went “Wow you’re beautiful! What’s your name?” she looked really uncomfortable at that.

The first thing we did was go around the room introducing ourselves and saying what career path we wanted to go down. When he asked Gemma and she said she wanted to go into a certain industry he seemed thrilled because that was his previous area of expertise and he still dabbled here and there and he had contacts etc. He told her about an apprenticeship he’d seen advertised and promised to email it to her. This, in itself was totally fine. But he’d randomly say this all through the day. “Don’t worry Gemma, I won’t forget to send you that job link!”

A little later on he asked a few people what they could do (just in general, not job/work related) and when Gemma said she did a specific kind of cultural dancing he jokingly told her to get up on the table and show us all. He kept mentioning her dancing all through the day.

I noticed that every time he picked her out and made those comments that she was looking more and more uncomfortable. At the end of the day he asked for 3 people to join him one by one, privately in another room. When he asked for Gemma to go first she got this really strange look on her face and to me, it wasn’t a happy look, she looked really nervous and a bit scared. (I found out from one of the other people who got called in that those three had been shortlisted for the job we were all there training for. So that was the reason for the privacy.)

Gemma actually turned out to be the youngest in the group at 20 and the tutor told us he was 41 (if this is even relevant?)

Just the way he kept picking at her and making comments to her all day had my red flag sensor twitching, especially the ‘Wow you’re beautiful’ and telling her to get on the table and dance?! I just found it to be inappropriate and deeply unprofessional. Am I grossly overreacting or should I bring it up to someone?

I can’t work out if I’m overthinking it and it’s just banter, or if he overstepped. Happy to be told either way though…

Glad you reported this OP. I did a short course at work recently relating to sexual harassment and the behaviour you describe definitely falls under that category.

I just did, they brought me a manager to speak to, he was horrified, listened to everything I said and wrote it all down. Said it was completely against everything their company policy stands for and they’d take the necessary action. Very relieved I decided to bring it up!

Well done!! So glad you did that 👏👏

Oh and when I brought up the thing that happened at the end of the day, where he took the 3 women into a room privately and told them they’d been shortlisted, the manager was SO confused. He was like “No that’s not even a thing, that’s not how we do things here and <tutor> has absolutely zero say and zero power to shortlist anyone.”

Wow.

It’s important to take into consideration how the victim feels. Someone reported a lecturer when I was in college about his conduct in relation to me. I was happy to forget about it and move on. I felt betrayed and had to sit through meetings, have statements taken and was subjected to having it dredged up time and again. I hated it. That’s why it matters
It depends on the setting and the context. OP wouldn’t be wrong to complain or highlight this issue but she could do it without naming names OR get Gemma’s consent first OR support Gemma in making her own complaint.

Unprofessional and creepy!

Overstepped by a country mile, I'd say.

Really well done. That took courage and you did the right thing. Sounds like dudes penis was leading that session. Urgh.

But such behaviour is not affecting only Gemma - he's making it an uncomfortable environment for others, too.

I'm glad you reported OP. It puzzles me that some people don't seem to understand what is acceptable workplace behaviour these days. Although after recent incident with us, I was looking up what training we have on harassment and it's not quite as I'd expect from a large employer, compared with previous employers.

God, you may have saved that girl from an actual sexual assault - if he had no authority he may have been grooming her into a vulnerable situation where he has her alone. Well done.

Sleazy fucker. I feel quite sorry for Gemma.

Did the course you were taking give you the opportunity to leave feedback afterwards for the instructor or the course content? That would be good to place to start unless you needed more anonymity.
Aside from that, I suppose you could use a different email if you don't want your comments to be traced back to you personally, and see if you could contact a manager/supervisor of the course training program because I agree, this is highly inappropriate.

Sorry I missed your last update saying that you had reported this person and that the supervisor was definitely in agreement that this was inappropriate behavior. I'm glad that you took this step.

What do you think is likely to happen to him? Will he be fired or have a good talking to and sent for more training?

I think if they handle it appropriately, they will do an investigation and interview Gemma and others involved, to verify what you’ve said. It could constitute gross misconduct if he’s lied in presenting that he has the authority to offer positions and he doesn’t.

Who’s to know but you don’t need to think or worry about that.

People (and especially women) need to stop feeling bad about men having to face the consequences of their vile actions.

I’m not feeling bad for him 🤣 blimey! No I’m just really nosy and want to know just how much shit he’s going to be in.

I don't know why you didn't just call it out on the spot in front of everyone - I would have done, in fact, have done, not quite the same scenario, but with everyone thinking the same thing and no one prepared to say anything.

Poor woman. What a creep he sounds. I hope she complained.

We recently had someone sacked for sexual harassment and from the little I know, that was less serious and overt than what this tutor was doing. So he could be needing to spruce up his CV.

I'd be surprised if it were his first offence, but of course, it might be no one has reported him before, so it will also depend on how much "official" history there is. Also if he's freelance or a contractor, they're much easier/quicker to get rid of than permies, as you don't have to go through the full disciplinary process that employees would get.