If you're autistic can I ask you a question please.

[Wanttounderstandddabitbetter]

Sorry if I word this insensitively at all, I'm just trying to understand my dd a bit better.

Dd has her own things that she likes, she wears the same outfit daily, the exact type of shoes for years, has the same schoolbag etc. I fully understand this is part of her autism.

Occasionally I can't get a hold of the exact thing, for instance I can't get hold of the exact shoes she has been wearing, so I get the very closest I can. Velcro trainers, same make, same style and only very very slightly different (to me, clearly dd has a different opinikn) I also bought her some snow boots with the cold weather coming in, in the hope that she will wear them when the really cold weather kicks in, knowing she probably won't, but wanting to have them there as an option anyway.

Much to my surprise she has rejected the very similar trainers and opted to wear the vastly different snow boots.

It's not an issue at all, but she can't really explain it, and I would love to be able to understand her a bit better. She's only 10 so can't articulate it very well.

Can someone maybe help me learn a bit more about why she feels this way or how it feels please? I would love to understand as much as I can which will help me support her better.

@Wanttounderstandddabitbetter "It's just difficult that she's in a world I can never fully understand though it's a million times harder for her"
To be honest even she is unlikely to understand, I don't really fully understand myself, although observing my child has helped with that understanding. It's just not rational (not that anyone really is rational anyway)

It might be to do with comfort..For me,something has to feel right, which usually means comfortable. I cant bear tight, pinched, scratchy, cold, flappy, exposed etc etc. I also wear the same thing a lot because coordinating different things is exhausting. Dont like the feel of make up on my skin either. I have an acute sense of where my body is on space, and where things are on my body and if they don t feel right . I also cant bear getting out of bed and putting clothes on dirty skin. It makes me feel stiff as if I cant walk around freely. I wish i was more mentally flexible but im not.

Thanks to everyone who replied with their experiences.

Dd and I were able to have a good chat tonight and I read her parts of this thread, and she fully agreed, so it's helped me understand her a bit better, and it's given her the language and understanding to express herself better too.

I'm very grateful 💐

Perfectly normal, children need routine and familiarity for stability. None of that makes you odd or diagnosable. The idea of choice (food, clothes, toys, hobbies) and consumerism generally is very new, and not something we should encourage our kids to participate in anyway. Hence all the threads wailing about Christmas presents.

Dd is diagnosed.

I never said she was odd, I'm trying to understand her better, which PPs have been very helpful with.

I'm not really sure what you're on about with Christmas and presents and consumerism, did you reply to the right thread?

The boots are a new unique sensation. The shoes are trying to be the originals and it feels “off” because the expectation is that they should feel and sound like the old ones.

Amusingly passive aggressive response given you claim you didn't understand 😁

What are you on about?

Can I just say.....'A thousand different calculations going on all the time' is exactly how my head is.
That's really made a penny drop for me. Thank you

There are some brilliant tiktokers and Instagram accounts that try to communicate the autistic experience. You need to sift the attention seeking ones from the genuine raising awareness ones, but I often send reels to the people who love me to help them understand my experiences because they explain them so well.

I hate shoes. I can never find a pair I like, then when I do, I wear them until they wear out but because I didn't know I was going to like them, I haven't bought another pair, then when I have to change them I want a pair exactly like that. Even if I buy a new pair exactly like that, it's not the same as the old pair. What I really need to do is buy 3 pairs and rotate them so they evenly wear. But I can't buy 3 pairs because I don't know if I'm going to like them.

I have drawers full of clothing but I rotate about 6 items and the rest sits untouched. I have to feel right and only some stuff does. I'm wearing an old t-shirt in bed that's got so many holes it's going to literally fall apart but I like it and I don't know if the brand has changed it's material in the 20 years since I got this one and it's now an expensive brand so I don't want to take the risk.

Clothing is... problematic.

The only way I can explain it is for example having a favourite TV show where they change the actor for a long running character. Everything else about the TV show is the same, plot lines, settings, other characters but a new face playing an existing character. In theory you should just be able to adjust to the change by giving it a bit of time but for me it’s so distracting I can’t enjoy any of it even if the new characters isn’t in a scene. I’d switch channels and watch something else.

If you get a moment would you be able to share the names of some tiktokers please?

I just want to thank everyone again, this thread has been so helpful.

It has also made me realise that I'm struggling to understand how to be in DDs world, and I do find it mentally draining sometimes, so I just want to take a moment to acknowledge how those of you with autism must feel constantly in a world where many people arent even trying to understand, it must be exhausting, so thank you for taking the time to try and help me 💐