Developed a fear of swallowing in public ….

[ohitssnowww]

For around 20 years now I have had issues with anxiety.
For around 2 years I couldn’t leave the house.
Then I got past that but had issues with sleep and anxiety before a event or even a meet up with friend (where I just couldn’t sleep )
Now it’s swallowing.
Im okay mostly at home,some things like rice /tough meats I just can’t swallow.
I will get anxious before a meal and I’ve been away for a few days and couldn’t even drink in a bar with people.
I couldn’t eat even ice cream because I was terrified to swallow and it’s like my brain forgot how.
Went to the hotel room and ate and drank fine.
Weirdly went to a cocktail bar which was really dark inside and I had 2 cocktails.

i have been anxious about a lot recently
Even on a bus alone il feel my eyes are a bit blurry and il be hot and think of running off.

Now I don’t want this to turn into my being scared to go out again.
I spoke with GP and referring for therapy (CBT is a 7 month plus wait in my area and I can’t afford it )
Do I start a low dose medication to try and help ?
Obviously alongside that il have to keep going out and trying to drink /eat in public
Im hoping a low dose will take edge off.

I have a weekend away in a few weeks and a big holiday next year.
i want to eat

The plane yesterday I was so thirsty for 4 hours but couldn’t swallow any food or water.
Got home last night and drank a full bottle and ate.

Can’t afford private therapy

If you can't afford therepy, go back to the gp again and keep going back until you get some help. In our area there is a self referral NHS service for mental health. Could you maybe ask if there is something similar where you are? You often have to do some group online stuff first around depression and anxiety to be able to access one to one support.
In the mean time maybe you could write yourself an exposure ladder and see whether you could manage to work on it yourself? So you have something you can do already at the bottom and then eat a full meal with drinks in public at the top and then teeny tiny steps in between. So the first one could be have a sip of drink in your garden, then somewhere public but with no one else there etc. They can be even smaller if you need and there is no issue with going back a couple of steps or trying and not being able to to a step and then changing or adding extra steps in.

@Geneticsbunnythankyou that’s really helpful ,yesterday I ate a chocolate bar in a reception area of a hotel (which I was anxious with but it was empty so felt “safer “
I haven’t mentioned how I’m feeling to partner and he loves the busy places so it’s like I’ve been thrown in at the deep hand when we go out and no escape

That is an brilliant achievement! See you are already making a plan to improve and seeking help which is a huge step in the right direction. Do you have a good friend who you can be accountable to? i.e. Tell when you try something so they can give you a boost? So that can be you bottom step. Eating in public with no one there. Try and do it again and when you do, remember that your thinking brain, can influence you emotions and therefore how your body responds. So even if something feels scary, that is just your body's way of responding to a situation but it doesn't mean that the situation is actually scary.
Could you write a sentence about how eating in public feels and then make a positive version of it to help you reframe what is going on?
E.g

“I deserve to enjoy my food anywhere I choose, and each small step I take shows my strength. I am allowed to be comfortable, I am allowed to take up space, and I am safe to nourish myself.”

I will admit I did use chat gpt to help with that last bit.

I’ve had the swallowing fear it’s horrible. The more I think about it, the worse it gets so I find one to one coffees for example quite hard, because you’re looking directly at the other person. My hands would shake bringing the coffee up to my mouth and that made the embarrassment and panic worse.
I found a cold drink with a straw better.
I can generally talk myself out of a panic attack so i use similar techniques with this.

Oh and I don’t eat steak or any obviously chokeable foods any more it’s just not worth it. I have a choking fear, especially for my children, so I guess this is where it comes from.

good luck you’ve overcome a lot, you can resolve this.

Ps sertraline did help me over the worst of it and it was fine coming off the medicine when I was ready to

Have you got any symptoms of OCD?
The reason I ask is because I thought I “just” had severe anxiety for a long time and then found out it was actually partly OCD.
The other reason I ask is because although I know anxiety can be extremely debilitating, ime it takes a (for want of a better way of describing it) special type of “commitment” to avoid something to that extent for so long. That is typical for someone with OCd/ nd.
I have a restricted diet and fear of eating in public, but I used to be much much worse. What you’ve described really reminds me of myself.
I think you should go to your gp for a referral for a proper assessment and diagnosis and in the meantime, I highly recommend anxiety medication.

Medication is an excellent support to all the other strategies and treatments. Well done for noticing your symptoms and addressing them. It’s so important. 💪

@WheresBillGrundyNow I have some symptoms I think ,well honestly I’m not sure.
i have the playing images in my head of bad things happening.
Checking things is quite bad at the minute.
Getting to work and coming back to check cooker is off or doors locked.
Thinking about bad things happening repeatedly is quite bad at the minute for me.

@teaandtoastwouldbeniceits honestly worse than the not sleeping for me.
I guess at the time it’s always the worst one you feel like you’re going through.
I really hope I can’t get a handle on it all.

@Geneticsbunnythat's helpful Thankyou,sometimes seeing something wrote down is a lot more helpful.
im going to try that .
its crazy how i can be swallowing fine..step outside my house and i cant.
its deffo psychological

I would definitely take some medication if it’s on offer, see what your GP says? Good advice on here about the exposure ladder.

It’s strange because if I’m out alone I start even thinking about swallowing my own saliva ..then feel like I can’t do that.
If I’m with someone I’m fine or today for example
i was overthinking it and felt like I had to even think about swallowing my saliva ..went into zara ,got distracted by the party outfits and totally forgot about it till I was outside and realised I had been doing it fine.

CBT will help you. It did me.

It does sound like OCD obsessive thoughts. CBT with ERP is the best treatment. If needed, SSRIs at a high dose can be used to reduce the anxiety in order to enable engagement with the treatment.
If waiting lists are long there are support groups online and often group CBT sessions available to self refer to.

www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/ocd-treatment/

I think if you mention you think you have ocd to your gp there might be access to different services/support so that might be worth trying.

Yes I would start the medication. You would take meds for any other physical ailment so take the help and see if it works. This sounds very tricky to deal with.

Today I went out with partner and managed chocolate sponge cake with custard in a pub,didn’t face trying anything savoury but I managed that,I was quite proud of that

That is brilliant. Keep going you are making amazing progress.