People who tell you EXACTLY what to say and write.

[Pottersciderbar82]

I have a colleague.
Telling her about anything results in questioning for precise information, so for example, I was telling her about some customers who told me that they hadn’t received payment for some items received.
Then ensued questions about exactly how many items, exactly how much was outstanding, exactly the dates of transactions etc.
She has nothing at all to do with my customers so does not need any of this information BUT it’s with every conversation.
Then she proceeds to tell me exactly what I need to say and exactly who I need to talk to, escalate to and exactly what I need to write in follow up emails.
And I mean EXACTLY. Even down to the greeting I should write or say, “ hi Jen, “

Im way too long in the tooth for this shite so struggle to not show irritation.

Why do people do this and more importantly, how do I shut it down kindly?

Just to add, I had sorted it all out prior to this conversation with her so didn’t need any advice or direction at all.
She isn’t my boss, line manager & is equal to me.

Don’t tell her what’s going on with your customers. If she asks just say something bland and non-commital.

I see this on here, peiple actually draft full paragraphs and ask the op to day it or text it. I find it mind boggling.

Best to head it off at the pass, as @vincettenoir
says, and don’t start those conversations in the first place.

A previous line manager used to do that to me. She would then watch over and dictate the email response so I'd sign off the message 'sent on behalf of..'

Oh I've had a micro-managing manager like that too. It drove me crackers. What a waste of their time, too.

Sometimes the OP wants that though. Quite often the proposed replies are very pompous.

I worked with someone like that. I just didn't tell her anything and if she asked, I was non committal. It's the only way to deal with a control freak.

My manager does this. I just ignore and crack on in my own way. It’s so condescending. He used to manage the team I manage and so feels he should dictate exactly how I speak to them. Err no, I’m not you.

Why do you carry on telling her stuff?

Or start with ‘Hey…’ & are full of silly !!!s and XXs.

Don't talk to her in the first place

If you accidentally do then 'all sorted thanks Jen' and turn away if needed

You don't have to be over polite to people who invade your time like this, you can push back firmly. It takes practice I know - the good girl programming is deep

Hmmm. I like context but this sounds draining

Are you maybe struggling at work? Could she genuinely feel like she’s helping you?

I worked under a line manager like this once, then was promoted to the same level, then above him. A HUGE amount of what he did, however nicely, was telling everyone exactly how to do every call and email.

New starters arrived perfectly confident on the phone but were kept off them for six months in case... Well, we couldn't work out in case what.

When he left, I didn't fill his post and didn't notice the difference. All his time was consumed in telling grown adults exactly what to do.

I don’t understand why you had to talk to her about it at all if it’s nothing to do with her?

My business partner can be like that...I'll ask a member of staff to do something they're perfectly capable of and he'll stand next to them advising and correcting. Tbf we all tell him to piss off and leave them alone but that might not be appropriate in your workplace 😬

And repeatedly!

Sometimes it's just a way of airing an issue, saying it out loud, not a cry for help. I have a friend like the OP's colleague who describes what they do at work/ a flat tyre/ shopping/medical in painful, exhausting detail - just can't stop themselves.

But the first time you do it and they respond that way then you don’t ask them again do you? But this sounds like a repeated activity. I can understand it happening once, but when someone is asking how to nip this in the bud it sounds like they are having regular conversations - which confused me frankly!

This is where I found Myers Briggs really helpful- some peoples personalities are like this.

I did a really interesting course eons ago about strengths and weaknesses of each type, really helped me recognise different styles.

So it’s general conversation.
She is a “details” focussed individual, so for eg if I say “it’s chucking it down outside “, she will immediately correct me, “ no that’s not right, it’s mildly raining and the forecast says it will probably continue for the next 36 minutes “… she will then disappear into her phone to find the weather APP and insist I look at it..
Nothing I say during the searching for the weather APP will register with her, she doesn’t hear a single thing of what I’m saying.
I avoid any conversation and immediately deflect back to her.

Do you sit next to her?! How much interaction do you have with this colleague?

I have the exact opposite of this problem, when I’m approached by a colleague for help resolving an issue she will sit gazing at me with her pen poised waiting for me to dictate the response to the client.