To be contemplating being single for the rest of my life

[Junglepanter]

I’ve been thinking about this for a little while now. I’m soon to be 41 and I’m so tired of the drama that comes with men. I know I’m a good person, not perfect my any stretch but my heart is always in the right place. I’ve given so much in my previous relationships and have always ended up so bloody hurt. (Cheating, lying, abuse). I would love to be with a good, honest, decent man but I genuinely don’t know if that exists. An old friend of mine always jokes that I’ve been “lucky” and most of her friends are now throwing ‘divorce parties’.

i don’t feel lucky though - just sad. Having said that, I do like my own company and I’m very independent but sometimes do get lonely. I have a 15 year old DD but she’s needing me less and less now. I also have my career which I do enjoy and some good investments and hobbies. I don’t have too many friends as I’m neurodivergent but I’m taking up some volunteer work next week in the hope of making more friends. Also thinking of getting a pet.

Has anyone made a similar decision and how has it worked out? The only thing I’m thinking of is I do miss intimacy with a man (not necessarily sex) just cuddling or offloading to someone about your day etc.

Totally understand where you’re coming from! I’ve been single now for coming up to four years. And I’m genuinely happy with that unless the right person comes along, and they would have to absolutely the right person I won’t settle for anything less ever again.

Every major problem I’ve ever had in my life has been because of a man. I’ve been in some awful relationships and if I hadn’t I’d have more money, be further in my career and all sorts of other things. I’ve always been a big supporter of my partner in a relationship and never ever got the same back.

The turning point for me was having my son - it changed everything for me. I’m a single parent. It would be nice to meet someone but if I didn’t then I don’t feel like I’d have missed out either if that makes sense? Cause if I don’t meet the right person that would mean I’m settling and I just won’t.

I’m 35 and even when I talk to a man there’s always something puts me off relatively quickly. There doesn’t seem to be many good ones left! I’ve learned to be happy single and enjoy my own space and company. Are you happy?

it’s just not worth the aggro I don’t think

Makes total sense.

I could have also written what you said about more money and furthering your career etc. Men have caused me so much stress and pain and are just a total let down!

I’m happy to a point, but do miss being intimate with someone, but at the same time I’m uneasy if I want to let a man into my life just for that if I don’t know them very well.

I think a pet would be a good next step and hoping that can fill a bit of a void. Nice to hear I’m not alone in this feeling though or a weirdo for feeling the way I do :)

Yeah honestly I’ve been a good partner and like you I know I’m a good person. Not perfect by any stretch but I’ve never treated someone badly. I’ve had debts ran up in my name - left my career without a second thought for a year when my partner had an accident that left him with life changing injuries. Only for him to constantly throw it back at me. Took years to get back on track!

I think in the past when I met someone I’d move really fast with rose tinted glasses and in my head they were the version that I wanted them to be rather than who they actually were. So I’d let things slide that I shouldn’t have done in the pursuit for the ‘happy ever after’

Intimate as in sex or closeness? I think I’m just totally closed off now - I have dated once or twice but it never goes anywhere and I just can’t be arsed most of the time.

My advice is learn to be happy on your own - that’s what I did. Not even on purpose I just sort of realised one day. Find a hobby you enjoy doesn’t have to be anything major for example I get a recipe magazine delivered each month and try some recipes out. Or I have a weekly planner where I give myself a job a day - nothing exciting but just all the little things that have made my routine just for me.

I do have a dog too! They’re brill highly recommend!

I think single has always been seen as a failure so we automatically associate it with that but it’s not! I used to get sad that it happened for so many people but not me. But the beauty now is that we don’t have to settle and we can rely on ourselves and honestly being that independent is so worth it!