OCD and struggling

[Pops2651]

Hi,
im aware I’ve probably posted this in the wrong section but I’m putting it here for traffic.
I have a 10 year old boy, he has been through a lot lately. He has lost his dad (he didn’t really have a relationship with him) and he was hospitalised 4 years ago due to sepsis and nearly dying as well as other stuff, but these are the major ones.

ever since he got out of hospital he has struggled with anxiety. And when his dad died it seemed to worsen. I spoke to his school and he got referred for counselling. A few weeks ago, he had to have a blood pressure monitor fitted for 24 hours as at his last check up his blood pressure was high. This has seemed to trigger something in him and I’m so scared and worried that I’m sitting here crying after another meltdown with him.

a few examples of his behaviour are:
thinking I’m poisoning him and refusing to eat sometimes
constantly washing his hands
scared him or people around him are going to die
i took him to the cinema tonight and he couldn’t concentrate as he thought he was going to die. Refused to drink his juice because he thought it had poison in it. He has had a massive meltdown when we’ve came home and saying he’s scared to go to school as he has nobody to share his worries with and he feels so alone.

this is literally taking over his life to the point where he can’t find joy in anything. I’ve spoken to his school, the counsellor is working closely with him and has referred him to cahms and I’m doing every suggestion she is asking. But nothing is making it better and it seems to be getting worse by the day. I’m dreading tomorrow coz I don’t know what he will be like at school and I’m worried about keeping him off as his attendance is already quite poor.
if anybody has any advice it would be massively appreciated.i feel like it might be some kind of OcD but unsure? I just want to make things better for him, my heart is literally breaking.

My daughter has OCD but although it can cause her a lot of distress at times it doesn't impact her life in the way your DS's seems to. I would say you need to speak to your GP as soon as possible, although mental health support for children is a postcode lottery. If you can afford private therapy I would look for someone that specialises in OCD as soon as possible rather than a general counsellor.

You could also try contacting charities like https://ocdaction.org.uk/

Oh Op I am SO sorry. Ocd is like a bully in your brain convincing you that you will never win against it. I was off work with it in the past ( I'm in the emergency services so it is a lot more commonly spoken about as colleagues have it far more often than other career paths I've previously been involved in ). The best and only real 'cure' is exposure therapy - as someone who now looks back at when I had OCD and was struggling years ago, I'm so, so much better now from this. You have to retrain the brain to safety. NOCD app is the absolute best thing I ever came across and can help you access therapy, or if this is costly you can just use it for the forums etc and practice exposure therapy yourself. My mum had OCD after her dad passed away suddenly also, when she was younger so it helped to have someone to support me and know that I can get through it ( she is fine now ). We both ended up finding a corelation between OCD and bereavements and it is a by product of PTSD. The other thing that helps is nervous system regulation, whether that's art therapy, garden therapy, cooking, anything engaging that bit of your brain and also vagus nerve regulation. Look up The Migraine Clinic and Daith piercings for more on this - so many ailments are actually trauma masking itself. I sincerely wish you all the best and want you to know that there is so much help out there.

I am only a lay person, not a HCP, but the fear of being poisoned is a symptom of fixed delusional disorder? Persecutory?

Sorry just to add, I was your Son as a child - suffering with OCD and never appearing to find the joy in anything. It did go away and although yes, it resurfaced in my late 20's ( after years of dealing with extremely serious situations in my career), it went again. I had a very joyful childhood on the whole, and adulthood is wonderful, I laugh, I am funny and calm and I travel, I'm married and pregnant ( as someone who once had very severe health anxiety ). He will be okay I really promise you! He will grow up to be someone with so much empathy for others and such a good perspective on what is and isn't important in life. I don't feel grateful for OCD, but it made me mature beyond my years, understanding of people's internal battles and I am proud of myself and he will be too. It is rare to be able to help others so much by having an insight into how hard your own head can be to live in when youre in a state of fear. Please also watch Joey Essex's documentary grief and me on itv with him. He talks about losing his mum and a child and not realising at the time that the thoughts, feelings and symptoms he was having after were panic attacks and grief. It may help your son to understand that he isn't alone in this and when Joey gets therapy in the show, he makes progress which might also help your Son to understand what therapy is and what it's about in these cases. I love that he made that show because hes a trendy, young celebrity and is quite relatable for lots of youngsters. Best of luck Op. If you are worried what to do short term I'd say keep him off school and promisebhim its temporary because you have resources to get him better now- that's all anyone with OCD needs to hear, that they're safe no matter what❤️

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5447532-why-is-my-child-doing-this?reply=148697959
There's some useful advice on this thread too.
My DD also has OCD and the severity of it has changed over time - she's much better now (but it hasn't gone away completely) but is pretty good at recognising when it's flaring up.
Hope you can get some help for your DS.

Echoing BossaNova when my DD understood that she had more control over this than she thought and that what was happening wasn't unique, she felt much less alone.
It's a very scary place for a child with OCD and they don't quite have the skills to articulate how they feel.

Thank you x