In the spirit of fun, OLD profile statements and what they really mean.

[Mysticmaud]

Looking back to the post of a few weeks ago when the overfamiliar new widower missed 'cuddles' I consulted by BFF who is a serial dater. She came up with a very long list of 'truth stretchers'.
Please add as I need a good laugh.

I'll start.

6ft= 5'8'' if you're lucky
Entrepreneur= skint Walter Mitty
Property Developer= HMO Slum landlord
Strong Family ties= mummies boy
Passionate= sex mad handy Andy
Adventurous= pervert

no drama = inability to handle conflict like a grown up
EOW dad so plenty of time = shit parent
laid back = lazy
ENFJ = superior
don’t know what I’m looking for = sex only

In an open marriage = my wife knows nothing of this and I am looking for a an affair partner

They all think they're average when they look like Mr Frazer(The Real McCoy) / Rab C Nesbit.
The BFF has a short arse ringing her up after one date and wants to marry her. He said he was 6ft!

I would hazard a guess that there isn’t a single single man on the planet who cooks themselves a full roast on a Sunday and goes for a walk. So translation, I’d like to play golf with the lads then come home to a roast you’ve cooked

I had one message me saying his wife doesnt want sex anymore and has given him permission for a FWB - course she has mate

Want someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously = Be at my beck and call, but expect nothing from me

my kids are my world = copied and pasted from Facebook

Insta @ …….
= I’m immature

I’m a feminist = I’m not paying

Love a bit of banter - I’ll take the piss out of you to the point of bullying then accuse you of having no sense of humour when you don’t find it hilarious

‘Just ask’
i will put absolutely no effort in to this relationship, I can’t even be arsed at the beginning.

Snappy dresser = kipper tie, check suit, pimp shoes.

I get this is meant to be a bit of fun and do recognise some of these as red flags but this group sounds like a bunch of man haters.
If he hints at liking going out he is a drunk that expects you to keep and look after him, he suggests liking the otdoors he is a liar trying to impress, if he suggests staying in he is a tight bore or else just wants you in the bedroom.
What could a man write that would be acceptable?
I almost feel sorry for them if this is the cynicism they face online.

And yes I have tried a bit of OLD and am very quick to swipe left for so many reasons. Maybe that is why I have had so little success. Im too quick to judge also.
I wonder what the version of this for female profiles would read like?

@Smallfry79 i don't think women should be branded man haters for having a bit of fun at the expense of liars, misogynists and deadbeats.

I work with a lot of senior men and their behaviour stinks. 'present company excluded' doesn't wash.
Fwiw I think women can be just as bad.

“Prefer nights in” - I’m stingy and not going to plan or pay for a date.

"like nights in and nights out" - informative, thanks for sharing

"work hard play hard" - you sound great, where does anyone else fit in?

"looking for a partner in crime" - yeah whatever, are you trying to tell me you're into handcuffs?

"my kids are my world" - how often do you actually see them then? (See also "daddy to a little princess" 🤢)

"I don't bite (unless you want me to 😉) - gosh you're so original, never heard that one before

"here for a good time not a long time" - so you smoke, drink too much, and take coke?

"love banter" - no, you love being rude to women and then if they pull you up on it you get pissy and tell them it was only banter and that they can't take a joke. Bet you don't "love banter" when you're the subject.

"I'm the Archbishop of Banterbury" - how come your bio is a massive heap of tedious bilge if you're so fucking funny then?

"I don't take life too seriously" - code for "irresponsible manchild"

"is anyone out there/doesn't anyone want to chat/why does nobody on here chat?" - perhaps you are the problem here, ever considered that?

"INFP/other personality type acronym" - whatever, who cares, it's bullshit anyway

On asian dating websites "someone with East West values". This means they want you to work and do all the housework

If you don’t look like your photos, you’re buying the drinks until you do 🙄🙄🙄

I wonder do any women actually respond to the profiles that have that bilge written in them?

I would presume not which would lead to one of two things..

1. bloke assuming this is all women’s fault for ‘only liking the top 10%’ and not allocate a single thought to self awareness
2. the changing of their profile to ‘is anyone real on here.’ (Or more likely, reel (sic))

I think they must do if you look at the relationship board. Having said that my BFF tells me it does take some time to work out what the lingo really means.

I wrote a similar thread on LinkedIn about interview feedback. That's a minefield too.

I think if men wrote 'I'm kind, decent looking, have a job, happy to share my life with similar' they might get somewhere.