Today is a hard day - just looking for tea and sympathy honestly

[Harddaytodayprobsaharddaytomorrow]

I have 4 dc.

Been a single parent for 9 years (oldest is 17, youngest is 9), I have no help at all, their dad buggered off and started another family because 4 kids was hard work no shit sherlock

17yo is at college all week and works all weekend. He wants to help more but I strongly urge him to go out and live his life, its not his responsibility, he is amazing though.

Next one down has epilepsy and is autistic.

It's becoming more and more apparent that the younger 2 are also autistic. I can usually cope OK but I've had a chest infection for 3 days and I am really struggling.

Because of the sensory issues going on in my house I usually run the place like I'm in the army, strict routines, including separate mealtimes for all, one after the other, two have tics and set each other off a lot, all 3 have misophonia and can't be around people eating at all. We cope OK and have a lot of fun (organised fun of course with plenty of notice)

Clothes are literally multiples of items that they can tolerate, so it looks like they are in the same set of clothes all the time.

One dc has worn the same type of shoes constantly for the last few years, but they have stopped making them now, so I had to get the closest thing humanly possible and she had a meltdown this morning because I tried to repair her others and I just couldn't so she's going to have to wear her new ones.

Bath/shower times are a nightmare, I usually wash the middle ones hair over the bath and then she goes in for a quick shower but I can't do that today and she won't wash her hair properly herself. They all take a lot of coaxing to wash.

I usually cope OK, well even, but I'm so unwell, I've done something to my rib with all the coughing, and I am struggling today and I have zero energy.

I know no-one on here can help, but I'm just looking for a pat on the head and some virtual tea because I'm feeling sorry for myself.

I know you don't want to but can you call on the eldest just for today? Have you got antibiotics for the infection?

Sending tea and sympathy your way.

Are you under ss children with disabilities team? Do you get any short break support? What s contingency if you really get sick?
Call tomorrow .
Meantime is there any paid for help you can access? Someone to come after schooltomorrow?

My friend, I had a cry this morning because I have a cold and the dog still needs walking but I wanted to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself.

You are a fucking superhero, I would be a helpless puddle of "absolutely not" on the floor if I was dealing with even a tenth of what you are - genuinely. You're amazing.

(But if I were you I'd take the 17yo up on his offer to help, as legitimately wonderful as you are for putting no pressure on him, if he wants to help you I'd let him, at least while you're unwell!)

I am so sorry it sounds exhausting. Do you have any support from carers network or similar? You can get a carer's assessment via social services. Once you have that you should be able to access some support. Your ds can get a carer's assessment too.

You are amazing. Ask the 17 year old to do something while you rest, or at least sit down. Or give them a choice and ask what they would be happy to do. You definitely need to rest. You don't want a chest infection on top of everything else. I give you a virtual hug for being fabulous

Eldest is working until 8pm unfortunately. He will help with cleaning when he comes back.

I am waiting for a disability social worker but my dc who has epilepsy is almost aged out of being able to have one. It's been 7 years of waiting.

I don't get support, dc does have funding for support but all of the services around here have been pulled so there's hundreds of us with no access to services.

Youngest 2 aren't diagnosed, they get support at school, and our home usually runs really well so it's its not usually an issue.

I have no backup if I get unwell, there are some school mums in a dire emergency, but my life isn't really adaptable to having friends as such.

I'm on antibiotics and the chest infection is feeling a bit better, but my rib is really hurting which is making me catch my breath more which is making me cough more which is making it hurt more. I would laugh at the ridiculousness if it didn't hurt so much.

Hugs OP, you have my empathy; 2 kids with autism, 1 hasn't been in school for over 3 years, my third child has severe anxiety and my husband had a severe stroke 4 years ago.
You sound incredibly strong and an amazing mum, by how your oldest has responded.
I hope you have a wee village, and if so, lean on them.
It's good to vent.

You sound pretty damned amazing yourself ❤️

"Absolutely not" is my default setting. Sadly this adulting thing mean you have to.

Thankfully my oldest took the dog for a walk before his work today.

Getting up and dressed and putting on a bra to go for a walk in the cold is worth crying over honestly.

Feel better soon 💐

....Hands you a cuppa tea with a very yummy biscuit....

Accept today is going to be unproductive and a day of just surviving.

Opt for a day of toast (or whatever really easy foods your DS will eat). Opt for easy activities they enjoy that need little input from you. Allow screen time with you on the sofa supervising.

Today is about surviving. You are doing brilliantly.

am waiting for a disability social worker but my dc who has epilepsy is almost aged out of being able to have one. It's been 7 years of waiting.

:(

Still you should pursue.
There is usually a transitions team for 16 to 25 before adult services.
Hope you get thru today and feel better

Thank you, they had toast for breakfast and microwave pizza for lunch, lord knows what tea will be but something equally as unhealthy and lazy today. They have all had unlimited screen time as well so they are delighted, I'll deal with the aftermath when I'm feeling better and can toughen up a bit.

Tbh I've given up on actively pursuing a social worker, the waiting lists around here are absolute madness, and the school and I deal really well with everything between us. She is hoping to go to college after summer so I've been in touch with them and they have a lot of support systems in place as well so I'm not sure what else SS can do for us at this point. Respite care really wouldn't be an option for her.

I usually cope really well, this weekend is just not it though.

The system is at breaking point isn't it? I have a little one who qualifies for in excess of 50 hours a week health funding which is all well and good except there is no-one out there who wants to work with such a vulnerable child for the money that is paid and I can't afford to top it up. None of the agencies have capacity to take him on and there is a crisis in foster care employment and retention so there is no care. I hear people say again and again "Ask for respite" but in lots of places there is no respite. Our money just goes back into the central pot after a certain amount of time.

I hope you feel better soon, you are not alone in your struggles even though I know it feels like you are at times.

Exactly the same here, my dd qualifies for about 20 hours per week, but there's no way to use the money here, all the services have been cut and nobody wants such a massive undertaking of a job for such crappy pay as they would have to have training for her health conditions.

There's no respite to be had here, dd is too set in her ways to go now but when she was younger it would have been a godsend and a good break for us both.

It's exhausting, I'm sorry that you understand it all too well 💐

Just to update.

Turns out I've broken my rib and need to take it very easy definitely for the next 2 weeks, preferably for the next 4-6 weeks.

On my own.

Over Christmas.

With a rake of kids, and Christmas stuff coming out of my eyeballs for the next 3 weeks, and not a jot of wrapping done either.

I had to move something in dds room earlier on and I broke her dinosaur lamp by mistake and she is in bits. Can I find another one exactly the same online, can I hell, I only got it from b&m last year as well.

I can understand why bears hibernate through this season honestly 🤣

Oh no.are there any care agencies atall? To send someone to help?

There's nothing like that around at all that's accessible for me unfortunately.

It will be OK, just going slower and lower standards for a few weeks. Older teen is a godsend, and has offered a host of help, as have a couple of his friends bless them.

Absolutely ridiculous to be breaking a rib by coughing too much.

Are you on FaceAche? Look up Little Blue Cup if you are, the page helps people source lost/broken things for kids like ours.

It is surprisingly easy to break ribs from coughing, I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation.

Thank you, I've just been having a Google and it is really easy to break a rib. Its probably all the layers of fat have saved me until this point 🤣

I'm not on any social media due to dcs dad and his wife, long boring story, I'm sure you can imagine. I might sign up with a spammy account and see if they will accept me because I'm having zero luck at all anywhere else.