Working in the NHS is making me suicidal

[Senparentingwoes]

I know the title is massively extreme but it’s honestly how I feel. Can any other NHS workers relate? I’m unable to leave because I have two SN children to support and there’s no jobs close to us.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Do you have a colleague that you could confide in or a ‘nice’ boss? (Maybe not if your work environment is making you feel that bad) or could you start looking for a different job that’s not nhs related? You might be trained specifically for a role (as most people are in the nhs) but if it’s costing your mental health, it might be worth going to an entirely different environment that pays hopefully the same, so you can support your children. Sure, you need your job to support your children but they need YOU regardless of any ££ and I’m sure they’d be devastated if it was too late to find the help / a different job that could ultimately save your life

could you see a psychologist for a talking therapy? I don’t work in the NHS but at various points my job has caused me a lot of strong feelings (depression, anxiety - wanting to ‘disappear) and she really did help me. It wasn’t instant but after a few weeks I did start to think about things differently which protected mental health

There is no job that is possibly worth it if it's making you suicidal OP. Get well. X

Could you get a job within a GP health centre. It sounds like getting some time away could benefit you. Get signed off with stress and use the time to look into other possibilities .Also take some time to recover as you may be depressed. All the best OP.

Hi OP
It’s good you’re reaching out. Are you feeling suicidal as in “I want it all to go away” or are you moving closer towards action in terms of planning or intent? Either way feeling like this is a big alarm bell. Please please see your GP, get signed off, rest, reconnect with what matters and then when you feel stronger you can look for a job that isn’t so utterly draining. If you feel at risk though call 111 option 2 to speak to 24/7 mental health service in your area.

@Babybear260 Unfortunately not, I’m pretty new to this trust (2 months) so don’t really have any ‘close’ colleagues. Most certainly wouldn’t approach any of management as I feel there’s a strong ‘clique’ that they are a part of unfortunately. This trust is totally different from my previous one (different systems for documentation etc) so I am slower at times which must be frustrating for them, but I’d rather do things the correct way, rather than rush and make mistakes. I think you’re right about looking for a job outside the NHS, it’s just the actual job is my dream career. I am a midwife and providing care to a woman is honestly one of the highlights of my life. It’s just the toxic culture surrounding it where people talk about you as soon as you leave the office 😔

thank you all for your messages, they mean a lot. I will wait until after the new year and make a decision. It’s just so hard when you have little people who depend on you. My oldest has private OT which costs an absolute fortune every month on top of regular bills and rent.

have you thought about dwp assessor jobs OP?. Something I’m considering myself 3 days hybrid and 2 days doing face 2 face assessments think the working hours are mon-Fri 8.30-4.30. I’m so sick of the nhs myself and constantly consider it- would be a huge pay cut for me but the cuts and politics are becoming too much x

So sorry to hear you are feeling suicidal. You are not alone and this training may help:

https://www.zerosuicidealliance.com/healthcare-suicide-awareness-training

No job is worth your life. You can get signed off and look at other options 💐

I completely understand. It’s so wonderful having a dream job (and yours truly is so meaningful and valuable, I say this as a pregnant lady expecting her first in March!) but it is crushing when the work place is made toxic by less than good people. I’ve gone through this, constantly being upset regarding the bitchiness and bickering in the office. I put up with it for three years, and every time my rationale was ‘most people would bite my hand off for this job’ but it didn’t make the pain any less bearable. But therapy really did help - the people are still horrible and bitchy but I just don’t take it personally anymore and have the tools to not let it affect me. I really hope you can find the same!

Unfortunately, bitchiness is everywhere. In the NHS, normal offices, schools, salons. If there was a way for you to mentally overcome and ignore the toxic environment do you think you could enjoy the actual job of being a midwife? It would be a shame to stop your passion but as others have said, no job is worth your mental health and your children need you alive X

I had the dream job but worked with utter bitches, spurred on by one particular cow who was well known for it.
Managers weren’t supportive. Just told me to toughen up.
It made me determined not to be bullied out, to ignore their infantile behaviour, damaging though it was, and to thoroughly enjoy doing and being appreciated for the job (public role like yours) I did. The mum’s need and will love you. Try to ignore the background noise. You won’t be the only one.

If you feel suicidal you need to go sick and get help immediately. You are a DM of two children and they need you alive.

From a work perspective you are not fit to work, let alone in a role that holds such responsibility.

I have nothing but sympathy for you. My DH worked for over 40 years at an nhs hospital, and couldn't wait to leave - the place was run by brown nosers and sycophants. One person in his unit, who served in the army, in a warzone was bullied into a nervous breakdown. I have a friend in another hospital who has just been sacked in dubious circumstances. I was a union rep for years (not nhs) and I have never ever heard of such bullying and lying. Please for the good of your health, your sanity and your children, leave when you can.

As a fellow NHS worker and have been in previous post that have not been so pleasant. There are so many support services available to us. Have you looked on your intranet?

It’s difficult to seek help when fitness to practise may be in question. There are plenty of people in healthcare who hold things together at work but are quietly suicidal. OP is a risk to herself, not the women in her care. @Senparentingwoes there is no shame in taking some time off when you are in crisis - to calm your nervous system and think about other options.