It's 1999 Saturday night. I'm getting ready with the now familiar feeling of nausea. I always get it before I head out, it's a combination of nerves about getting the drugs sorted, worrying about dropping dead on them and intense excitement about how this night will go. I'm also exhausted as this is my fourth night out in a row and I've gone to work in the vintage clothes shop everyday on less than three hours sleep.
I run through the blokes in my head I've hooked up (I don't call if that though) recently and who I'm hoping I'll see out tonight. Jay the dealer is my current favourite.
My best friend and flatmate and I check how much money we have after rent between us. We decide to walk into the City. It only takes 40 minutes but is through some very dodgy areas. We should be fine together if we walk fast.
We have a selection of clothes laid out; all pvc and fake fur. We have to stand on the armchair to see our reflections in the only mirror in the apartment. The apartment is absolutely filthy, has no food whatsoever and piles of clothes on every surface.
We are thrilled with how skinny we are these days; it's the combination of never eating, drinking very little alcohol, consuming copious amounts of Es, walking miles every day and dancing into the early hours at least four nights a week. We look much older than our 19 years though, huge bags under our eyes and tired skin.
We have enough money for cigarettes. That's all we need. We get into the nightclubs free as we do promo work handing out flyers for a couple of hours before we do into the club. We will be paid by the end of the night in cash and can get some Es on tick before that.
After painting our faces with one shade of pan makeup, blue eyeshadow, lots of glitter and putting enough product in my spiky white hair with purple hues to survive a nuclear attack we head out.
We will be back in about 12 - 20 hours when we will collapse into our beds for the rest of Sunday and Monday emerging only to get a plate of curry chips and roll joints on the couch wrapped in blankets.