I hope this doesn’t sound too pathetic but how can I build up a better social life?

[WeirdChicken]

I feel surrounded by forty somethings deep in their ‘mum tribe’ locally. It’s not something I’ve had for a long time as my children moved from our local schools (DD to grammar and DS to special.) I’ve kept on contact with about 4 friends locally who I try to see often (not as a group, they don’t know each other.) But I feel I’m always the one doing the invitations, as they have other social groups, although they often say yes to a walk or lunch. I have a group of ex-colleague friends (I’m now a lonely freelancer) and a group of school friends but we are scattered so meet ups are rarer. I sing in a choir and do a bit of volunteering. I feel a lot of friends have slipped away over the years and maybe I didn’t try hard enough to keep networks going, which I regret.

I guess Christmas party season has highlighted my rather pathetic social world. No real party invites or social events to look forward to. DH has a super busy, peopley job and is introverted so won’t be much help- and it’s hard for us both to do things together as DS can’t really be left for long.

Maybe there aren’t any magic answers, maybe my social life is okay and I’m being ungrateful. But has anyone picked up a social life at my stage in life and what has worked? Any thoughts or advice would be great. I’m willing to give most suggestions a go.

It doesn’t sound pathetic at all.

I feel like my social life is pretty good now but it took some work. I have 3 regular hobby groups. One meets once a week and the other 2 once a month. I have 3 friend groups that catch up every 6 weeks or so for a meal or activity together. When we are at one we will plan the next one.

I catch up with one friend for a walk most weekends and do some volunteering.

My Christmas events this year are my work party, volunteer party and weekly hobby group party.

In your shoes I’d join a hobby group and try the “let’s plan the next catch up “ when you do meet up with friends.

Also remember sometimes it’s about finding an activity that suits a particular friend. Sone friends are keen to find an exercise buddy and others can only commit to every couple of months.

Is there a freelance professional group you could join?

Thank you. That’s really helpful. I’m going to look into joining a hobby group. There are some Padel socials at our gym so that’s a possibility. I’d really like to try pub quizzing. Would it be weird to reach out on local FB to see if anyone is interested in making up a team?

Setting a date for a next meet up with friends is a great idea. I guess because I have a sense of being everyone’s ’second order’ friend I worry about sounding desperate or pushy.