Excluded at work due to non-working day

[Dearthdearthdearth]

I’m a part-time employee in a support function, and I’m the only person in the department team with my specific non-working day. The client facing staff all have the same non working day and other support staff have other days off but no-one else has my specific day. I didn't ask for this day it was what I was told I could have when I started four years ago as they wanted a spread of support staff across all days but this rule did not appear to apply to the client facing staff.

Recently, some client facing colleagues fed back that they wanted more opportunities for socialising and team interaction. They took a poll and the day before their non working day was the winner by one vote. They now go for weekly after work drinks. As a result of this poll, the company has moved the designated “core day” for meetings, social activities, and now even training and development sessions to my non-working day.

Instead of having an additional day in the office, the other teams just moved their office day to this new core day, my non-working day. This means I no longer see colleagues in person, and during the run-up to Christmas, all social events are also scheduled when I’m not working.

I don't particularly enjoy this job, the direct team I am in is known for being 'tricky' but I have three children and had planned to stick it out until my youngest finished primary school, he starts in September. I feel very isolated, overlooked and just generally forgotten about. But it is a flexible role, with limited office time and I don't have the leadership skills to go any further. I'm starting to feel very suspicious of everyone and like I can't trust the one or two colleagues I thought were friends. People have privately approached me to say how unfair it is, especially as the person who drove these changes is now leaving for a company who requires a minimum of three days in the office.

I can't go into all the rubbish I've put up with in this job but I've feel really battered and exhausted. Do I have a point feeling this way or should I just suck it up?

With three children could you really be bothered to go to after work drinks one day a week. I know I wouldn’t. They are a shower of arse holes but if you need to hold out to next September I would. Use the let them theory. Would you even want to spend time with them ?

Would you want to swap your non working day?
If you don't mind then approach your manager and say that as the core team day is on your nwd then can you please swap to another day of the week
In the meantime keep your eye out for other job opportunities

I’d challenge the core day for meetings. That should be rotated to allow for the fact that not everybody works the same days. Or on a day when everyone works and is able to get into the office. Have you raised that with your manager? Or HR? I don’t think you can do anything about the social side but this, I would raise.

And I would definitely keep an eye out for other opportunities - if I’ve correctly understood, you plan to stay here for another 8 years? Doesn’t sound like a great working environment for that length of time…

You do have a point. What you don’t have is a reason to take it personally. By which I mean they didn’t sit down and say ‘let’s organise this on the day Dearth doesn’t work’ - it’s a thoughtless consequence of the vote.

I would ask if it’s possible to change your day. It is not right that you miss meetings and development days.

If not, then the core day needs to rotate, say it’s Tuesday one week and Wednesday the next so that all the team are accommodated at least twice a month.

The social side is important too, but I would lead with the work stuff.

As per PP, would you want to go out every week? Could you go out one evening a month to stay connected? If you’d find it enjoyable I might even decide to go once a month even if it wasn’t my working day. Only if you’d genuinely enjoy it though.

I completely forgot to mention that it the main monthly meeting used to rotate to be fair to everyone who had different non-working days. Now absolutely everything is my non-working day. I know it sounds silly to stick it out for so long but it's a little bit of a niche role and I would struggle to progress, I'm not suited to management and there aren't a huge number of roles. I'm not sure what else I could do.

That book is on my to read list! I think I'll need to somehow grow thicker skin. I just feel myself getting smaller and smaller around them.

Talk to your manager about changing your non working day. Wanting to attend the core in office day/Departmental meetings is a valid reason.

I presume you could join the after work drinks anyway, if you wanted to, even if you don't change your day.

Having after works drinks as the main regular social occasion is not appropriate for a workplace where they want to treat women equally.

We have a core day for meetings, at my workplace, but nobody would ever be allowed to take that as their non-working day (it's a Wednesday) - almost everyone who works PT has a Friday or a Monday (and those that don't choose Friday as their WFH day so it's like a ghost town if you do go in).

The training - is it for the admin staff and you miss out or is it for the sales staff? I can’t see a world where there is that much training - are you missing out on training?

re the drinks would you really be going out each week if they were on your working day?

personally would see it as a blessing I was not expected to go to after work drinks I would rather be with my family

I've planned my childcare around my non working day and there isn't a space for my child on the day I would have to swap to. When my youngest starts school it won't be an issue but by then it will be 18 months of being excluded. I definitely couldn't get a train in the evening just to go for drinks.

Training and development days are sometimes planned for my non working day. I just have to suck it up and change my days around. Part and parcel of working part time.

Regarding the day in the office, they have to go with the majority vote. They will never be able to find a day that suits everyone.

You could also join them for after work drinks if you wanted, if you dont want to do that then there isn't much more they can suggest.

As long as they allow you to change your day if you wanted, I cant see they are doing much wrong.

I've been a bit vague deliberately but this training is essential for the client facing staff and very useful for the support staff as it drives a lot of the research my specific team does. I think the training is about once a quarter but they are full day sessions and my manager actually asked me why I hadn't used my own time to sit through the entire recording, it was a 9-5 session.

I don't mind about missing the drinks as the last time I went to the local pub it was £12 for a drink and I would much rather be at home.

Yes I can see how excluding that must feel. There are upsides to missing some of this stuff IMO but not all of it, all the time.

It is worth asking nursery about going o na waiting list for a different day and asking if they can accommodate the odd ad hoc swap. Quite often a child will be ill or away on holiday especially close to Christmas. And talk to your manager about whether they could vary the days a bit so you catch some of them, and also whether if you did become able to swap days off in the future, whether they would approve it. What is odd about this really is that they are so set on doing everything on the same day of the week. At ours they vary it deliberately so it's not always affecting the same people.

That's all fine but to move from a system where training sessions were rotated to one specific day after four years feels unfair. I will absolutely never turn up to work drinks on my non-working day.

Yes, and it's a company that bangs on about inclusivity and flexible working but on the whim of this one person a system that was in place for four years has now changed. They categorically won't change days. They even put me down to plan the Christmas social that I wouldn't be able to attend and didn't think to move it or that it was very cheeky. I don't mind missing work drinks as they aren't well attended and not really my thing.

I've swapped the odd day here and there over the years but it's £60 for an extra day. My manager thinks that once September comes and my youngest starts school I can changes days which is true but after 18 months of being excluded I'm pretty angry.

Yes def read or get it on Spotify and listen to it. I would def look for a new role once it suits your family life. Don’t let them make you feel small. They sound like a bunch of witches.

Ah our nursery would swap the occasional day without charging, which was a blessing but probably unusual.

It doesn't necessarily get much more flexible once they start school either. If you are contracted 4 days then the 5th is yours and other commitments will likely creep in, even if that is just picking your daughter up from school, swimming lessons or whatever. Go for a permanent change when you can, don't agree to anything that expects you to be flexible long term about your work days.

but it wasn't on a whim, they put it to a vote and that's the day the majority wanted?

Who normally plans the Christmas social?

You really need to speak to your manager about this, why have they allowed one member to be ostracised from almost all team interactions like this?

How big is your company? Do you have an HR team? Do they have an anonymous requests portal? I would email your manager and say how excluded you feel. September is 9 months away. It's their job to include you. It's particularly inappropriate to ask you to organise a party for your non working day.
We have just had our inclusivity training updated and this would be a red flag.
Do you have a mental health first aider. If so go and speak to them and ask them to advocate for you.
If your manager doesn't respond satisfactorily then send the email on to HR.
Please ignore the people saying suck it up.