Can your family afford snacking and random grazing?

[TransAdmiralsAreAdmirals]

DC are grumpy because we don't allow random grazing and ask that they let me know when they're planning to prepare food using high-value ingredients or ingredients which may reasonably form a central component of a family meal.

I buy enough packed lunch items to last them both for the week, and much prefer it if I don't have to buy replacements if someone eats extra bags of crisps or snacks on extra packets of raisins or grain bars or similar.

Ditto preparing snacks between mealtimes: making toast, or bowls of pasta or cereal, or making fruit smoothies, or baking cupcakes.
Mine will get bowls of frozen peas or sweetcorn to snack on, so I often open the freezer to find empty bags.

Or unlimited condiments, for that matter -oodles of ketchup, sweet chilli sauce or mayo etc.

Or raiding the fruit bowl; there's enough fruit for everyone to have a couple of pieces per day but not to eat 3 bananas in a day, for instance.

We eat 3 square meals a day; quality home-cooked / prepared food and always have fruit available, so they're not going hungry. DC1 in particular insists that all their friends have free reins in the kitchen and that their cupboards are stuffed to the gunnels with snacky foods to which they help themselves with gay abandon, citing fridge raids of quantities of items I could never sustain in our home on our budget: I literally couldn't afford to stock lots of grazing foods in case someone feels a bit bored or peckish.

Can you, and do you, keep plentiful reserves of snacks which your DC are allowed to help themselves to?

Yes because they finish them off and dont tell her that they are done. Like the kid that finishes off the milk and puts the empty container back in the fridge but then complains that there isnt any for their cereal because they didnt tell the shopping buying adults!

So when she needs peas for a dinner, there arent any.

I am not the only one who is saying this, and I will be as prickly as I want.

Just catching up on the many responses and feeling so grateful for the good advice and insights.

I'm not sure my updates and responses to questions are visible on the thread (I can see them but, reading some posts, I wonder whether other posters are able to?), but I'll have a go at responding to a few more questions and comments in the hope they add to the picture.

They're young teens. Not 21 -not sure where that came from.

Neither child is overweight.

A snack shelf or cupboard is a good idea. I always resist 'when it's gone, it's gone' as it might not work out fairly, but it is probably sensible.

It's not that I object to them eating protein, it's the fact that they help themselves to main ingredients and don't tell me.

DC1 is autistic and has some sensory seeking behaviours around food, hence the popularity of spicy condiments.

Both DC come food shopping, not always, but they know the drill. I usually let them take a basket and give them a £10 budget -they can buy stuff which is 'just for them'; crackers, frozen spring rolls, tins of soup (DD1!) etc.

Smoothies and energy balls: yes, they love making these and experimenting with the 'add whatever you have to hand and see what happens'.

They genuinely love frozen peas, sweetcorn and berries and I'm not annoyed about them eating them, but rather that they finish the bag without telling me, and also leave the bag empty in the freezer. It's mainly DC1, who finds properly disposing of rubbish an irritating and irrelevant task, interrupting her 'flow'.

Baking and cooking: both DDs are good cooks and they got that way because I do let them cook and experiment with recipes and ingredients. They enjoy preparing food, so I think some of their cooking and baking is for entertainment rather than feeling hungry. DD1 seems to bake all the time when she has friends over, so @mathanxiety is right to observe that there is an important social aspect to being able to host friends in way that includes sharing food in a fun and generous way.

I think a lot of my OP was about feeling aggrieved that, despite trying to accommodate sensible snacking and build autonomy around food with tuck allowances and their personal supermarket budget, they still give me both barrels about the abundance of UPF snacks at their friends' houses. And see the all the contents of the kitchen as fair game.

I don't have a choice about the food budget -it is what it is. I do have to take care, it's as simple as that. And no, there isn't anything else I can feasibly cut back on.

I would suggest rethinking what you buy as snack food. Crisps and grain bars are not very filling. We don’t have either as a standard. My teenagers make sandwiches if they’re hungry. I’d buy extra bread if I was you. That’s not more expensive than crisps and grain bars.

There has been quite a few people in this thread, myself included, who have said that they enjoy frozen peas as a snack, probably as many as were surprised by it. Some people enjoy healthy snacks rather than viewing them as a last resort.

I’ve had to tell my kids to make sure they add protein to snacks so they can only gave Ritz crackers with hummus.

I try and make up soups /boxes of pulses, rice etc so they can make quick buddha bowls after school. Generally I have to sort two meals for the teenagers, something immediately after school & then something again at 7ish when we all eat together. They are always complaining they are hungry. Sone nights, after a long day at work I’s happily eat Weetabix & fall asleep. I can’t believe I have to keep feeding them! 😉

Recently started buying jars of pesto so my son can make himself pasta after school. It feels never ending.

Free rein at the tap ? Wow how generous 🤣

My six year old quite often asks for a bowl of frozen peas as a snack. That’s definitely his choice.
Frozen peas are delicious though, if I get them ready to cook before actually cooking I usually have to top up the bowl as everyone raids them, same with carrot and pepper, I can’t cut them fast enough to keep up with the pieces disappearing off the chopping board.

I did have to limit snacks for my (now adult) teenage son at one point. I had tried to encourage him to have protein in the hope it would fill him up more but we ended up with no eggs, no chicken, no tuna, no beef mince that were intended for me to feed the family because he had eaten them all. That stuff is expensive, I’d rather he ate the entire pack of custard creams 😂

I’ve tried to address it multiple times, but she gets offended and obviously I also don’t want her to feel like I’m bullying her out of food.

Again I don’t mind her snacking, it’s the taking over everything without considering others that kills me. She’s an only child, but most of my friends were only children and considerate. But for some reason DD doesn’t seem to register it.

She’s a nice girl so I don’t think it’s deliberate disrespect.

People can see your replies, they are simply viewing them through their own lenses and bias.

You haven’t mentioned if they do any sports or activities out of school which if so could play a big part in this.
Two of mine, teen and pre teen, train for their sports hours each week and are always hungry afterwards. I always allow them their snacks and think about what I can have in for them as this is a massive part of providing the right fuel for them.

Being a bit hungry isn’t actually bad for you

unless they are underweight, losing weight or very lethargic they are eating enough

just because there is a commercial push on protein at the money doesn’t mean they need protein snacks

talk through your budget with them
put the meal plan and if necessary the full ingredients list on the fridge so they can check they haven’t messed up
if they get pocket money it gets docked if you have to replace an ingredient

just say “is that so” when they tell you what their friend s have

so the title suggested you might be being unreasonable, but reading it, what on earth. It is normal for teens to want to snack more but the amount sounds like a lot - 3 bananas could even be dangerous if eaten in succession. I wonder if it’s worth speaking with them and working out a plan and alternatives if hungry?

There are too many responses to read through but I tried to read most of yours. I think it’s cultural and I think we have one of the worst diets in the world and one of the highest rates of obesity. I think what you’re doing is great tbh and I often wish that I had been stricter with snacking, it’s gone crazy! Of course some children will develop eating disorders but in my opinion nothing you’re doing is leaning towards that. Our Nan’s and Grandads lived off rations and were healthy weights. I doubt very much that saying we don’t do snacks in the house is going to cause bulimia or anorexia, surely? I’m no expert but surely that can’t be the case if they get 3 meals per day and fruit / veg as ‘snacks’ I think some people have lost a grip on reality and what snacking can actually look like sometimes. You only have to look at how many overweight children there are, remember some of those commenting about how controlling you are will be overweight / unhealthy (it’s inevitable statistically) but they won’t be open about it!

I don’t understand why some people can’t accept that the children probably like it! If you eat very healthily for years then of course a lovely sweet vegetable like petit poi’s peas or sweetcorn tastes nice, their palates are different. People on here are crackers, they think because it’s not what they do as snacks that it’s wrong or a sign of an issue. I’m jealous of OP. I think she’s done a great job and I reckon some of the people judging her need to get a grip. We’ve become warped as a society with about what a snack or treat looks like!

And this is coming from someone who has not managed to get her kids to eat as much fruit and veg as they should and has some unhealthy snacks in the house so there’s no ivory tower or looking down my nose going off. I’m just a sensible woman that knows that eating veg as a snack is probably the ideal scenario!

School dinners used to be bigger, with more filling ingredients. They don’t get puddings like we did.

Gds (9) in particular is almost permanently ‘starving’. In their house it’s usually a case of bananas (dd gets through masses!) or Weetabix. He has been known to be ‘still hungry’ and consume 2 bananas during the 15 minute walk to school - after a substantial breakfast including an egg!

He is a super-slim human hurricane, always on the go. What he’ll get through once he’s a hollow-legged teen, I can’t imagine!

This really depends on how old your children are. When mine were small snacks would be cream crackers, dried apricots, and frubes. Snacks would be purchased knowing when they were going to be consumed. So one sharing bag of crisps because are going to watch a movie together on Saturday night.

Now they’re teenagers, we keep to the same sort of rules. We don’t keep a stock of crisps or chocolate in the house. Every day snacks will be an apple or some crackers or if they’re really peckish, bowl of cereal. There is usually some hobnobs in the biscuit jar, but they’re usually left alone. We will buy weekend snacks if there’s a plan like watching a movie or having friends over. Outside of that the rule in our house is sweets and chocolates are allowed but when you want them, you have to walk to the shop and buy them yourself, they are not being stocked up.

Oh give over, if they were loving frozen peas as a snack they’d not be complaining they don’t have anything else as they are, and the key issue is clearly affordability, it’s even in the title of the thread, the op doesn’t ask if people permit it, she asks if they can afford it.

This is what I do: After the big shop, family whattsapp gets a picture of the fridge, annotated to show which shelves are out of bounds.

Having caught up and read all your posts I’m definitely getting the vibe that the kids aren’t getting the right balance of foods at meal time and are left hungry - while you are battling a food culture that’s very different from what you grew up with.

I don’t expect you to share personal details on here but it’s worth mentioning if your children are genetically only half of your ethnicity and half something else, their food needs could be completely different to yours. I also wonder if the UK is colder and gets less sun than your home country? These things can drastically affect the amount of calories needed and type of calories required.

Letting them eat frozen veggies is okay but it’s going to work out more expensive because 100g of sweetcorn provides 89cal and 100g of bread provides 232cal. If their bodies need those extra calories, a bowl of sweetcorn is not gonna cut it. You need to spend £2 on a 2 bags of sweetcorn to get anywhere near the same amount of calories available in one £1 loaf of bread.

I would very much love to have Gwyneth Paltrow’s time and budget to steam asparagus as a snack and toss together some fennel and lemon with grains for lunch, but gram for gram healthy food offers less calories and costs more. Most of us have to compromise and pair fruit and veg with cheap calorie-rich padding such as yogurt, milk bread, potatoes, pasta and rice.

Perhaps if more starchy, fatty or fibrous food is offered with main meals the need for snacking will reduce. I mean the sort of things they’re eating between meals I wouldn’t actually call snacking. If it involves getting something out of the freezer and cooking it they are essentially creating a second meal.

I’ve seen your replies about using up things you intended for meals. Perhaps displaying a meal plan might be useful to explicitly communicate which foods are off limits for snacking?

as for the other issues like eating all the bananas in one day when there’s also plenty of apples available- I completely understand your frustration. (My children are still preschoolers so I have no experience) but I wonder if this is just a maturity thing? Like they don’t really understand the huge chore and mental load grocery shopping and meal planning is, and don’t really appreciate yet budgeting etc. perhaps just explaining your values in ways that they might value might help? Eg when we have to spend extra money on fruit it means we’ve got less to spend on the packaged snacks. If you ate the apples sometimes instead… and perhaps a healthy guilt trip - it’s not fair when you eat all the bananas in one day and I don’t get to have any the rest of the week. I dunno. Good luck

Sounds like they are lying about their friends as that sounds very extreme … on the other hand, your control over the food availability is also very extreme!! Kids do like to snack now and again! You sound like you are being very restrictive and it’s only going to make them want it more … WW2 rationing springs to mind! 🤣

I’m reading this throughout this thread!! Who are all these people who eat frozen peas and sweetcorn?!?! Never heard of it and it sounds gross 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I have nothing against "healthy" snacks, but frozen sweetcorn wouldn't be top of my list 😂