Unpopular opinions?

[Momsyy]

in ur opinion what’s the best age to have kids? let’s be honest, you don’t want it to young, but you will want as much time as possible with them, in my opinion from 25 is good. of course with the person you want to spend ur life with!
whats y’all opinions? no judgments here please 😊😊

I would say 28-34. We started trying at 27 but it didn't happen. After going through the A-Z of fertility treatments I was 31 and 34 by the time our DC were born.

Yes I might have liked to have been younger but sometimes things outside your control happens.

Now I do feel I was at the perfect age. Not too young, we managed to fit a lot in when young like travelling, and won't be too old (health depending) when they hopefully fly the nest.

It's a very personal choice.

I was nowhere near mature enough in my 20s, I was too busy sorting myself out after a grim childhood.

My 30s were for fun and working abroad and building my career. Paying off most of my mortgage and living life to the full.

I took a UK job in my 40s and then had ds. I was able to settle and focus on raising ds, who has (I hope) had a happy carefree childhood. Nice house in a lovely rural village, decent school, lots of friends and skiing and other sports & activities, all the good things I could provide for him.

He's off to university next year and then I shall retire, knowing I've done a reasonable job of it. 😊

Depends on the maturity of the individual, financial constraints & competing interests like studying or travel.

40 if you could guarantee it happening then.

20’s and 30’s to build career, travel the world and pay off the mortgage before having DC. Life with children is so much easier and rewarding then.

Age is just a number

Physically yes 25 would be great

But are you going to have found a decent partner who you know will stick by you and child regardless without abuse? Do you have the income between you to house yourselves and a child or two? Are your jobs secure for the next 20 years? Have you agreed on work/childcare balance? Would you resent a child that young if you haven’t climbed the work ladder, had enough responsibility free memories?

As he is just a number and the least important part of bringing another human into this world.

For the majority of people starting somewhere between 25 and 35 is probably optimal.

for me the fact I got pregnant at 18 and had dd1 at 19 probably saved me from a life I wouldn’t have wanted. Went on to have a second at 22. They made me focus and work hard. I brought a house at 20 (probably not something you could do now without a lot of parental support). They’ve had a good life and we are very close and have a lot in common. Dd1 is at uni and dd2 is in the process of applying. I’m building my own professional career and in my early 40s have a lot of time and freedom for my own interests. The DCs dad and I are still happily together and they’ve had a stable, loving family. So for us young was perfect. We are all different but this probably wouldn’t be the ideal for most.

Particularly when they use ur and y'all.

There's obviously too young and too old...I'd say too young is as a teen and too old is probably mid forties and over...but in-between I'd say there's too many factors, pros and cons, advantages and disadvantages to put an actual number on it

Sometimes people “waste” their child free younger lives on frivolity and don’t prioritise security for a future, hypothetical, family. Understandable in many ways I suppose but waiting until you are older to have children is no guarantee you will be more financially secure, and may mean you become more selfish and even resent your children for taking you away from that responsibility free life. Also may have lost older family members who could have been actively involved in providing love to your children.

I had mine young, but had worked very hard at school and got a good job, I found lovely childcare and continued to work my socks off in my paid employment and as a Mum (no family support, all on my own).
They are now adults and successful in their careers, with their own homes and happy lives, and I have time and finances to give to myself at an age where I have more wisdom/confidence about what will truly nurture me.

Met DH at 20, engaged 25, house and wedding at 26 and then DC at 28 & 30, our mortgage was paid off before I was 50 so the children were 19 & 21. Me and DH are 54 and 57 now, DC have left home and doing well. I would definitely recommend before 30 if possible. Financially it was considerably easier for us then than it would be now though.

Sometimes people “waste” their child free younger lives on frivolity

Good for them. Sounds fantastic.

This feels a bit extreme — flogging would be harsh enough; shooting is definitely over the top! Still, it does make a compelling argument for bringing back the stocks.

And while we’re at it, the stocks could also be reserved for those truly disgraceful individuals who stand up from a table and do not push their chair back in. The scourge of society.

theres no right or wrong answers. My two sisters had babies in their late teens/ early twenties. Both owned homes age 22/23 with their now husbands. Both went to uni. Their oldest dc are now at uni and they’re mid/ late 30’s. I’m a little jealous!
i had my one and only at 27 and I feel that was a good age. Dd is 14 now and I’m 42, so she will potentially be off to uni in 4 years. Having dd didn’t hold back my career. I completed a doctorate when she was a toddler. Dh and I were mortgage free at 38/43 and have had good careers. I was ready at 27, been married 2 years and with dh 5 years.
my older brother started later and I don’t envy him running around after toddlers at age 45.

Whenever is the right time for you!!! You’re the one having them. People don’t just have a baby because others think it’s the perfect time to have them. You’re the one who has to deal with everything that comes with raising children, so do it when you’re ready.

40s was the ideal time for me (and the majority of my friends). Doesn’t work for everyone (everyone is an individual after all), but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

This debate is so overdone on MN and just makes everyone feel crap about their life choices.

I know you say no judgement but it happens every time, people cannot help themselves

Whatever makes you happy, and you feel ready to care for DC is right.

I know a woman who had her daughter at 16, an age basically no one would recommend, but it worked wonderfully for her. Her daughter was raised by the entire family, my friend and her partner stayed together against the odds, and now they're in their 30's with a teen so they've got their whole life ahead of them. They're one of the happiest most well adjusted families I know.

I don't say this to suggest that 16 is the ideal age to have kids, but rather to emphasise that there isn't one really. Everyone is going to think their way was the best way, we've already seen it on this thread with the judgey comment about young people wasting their childfree years on frivolities (because that poster happened to have her kids young and thinks her way is the best way)

Realistically there's no perfect time and when you have them you have them, and work with whatever situation you have. I don't think Mumsnet needs another thread designed to pit women against eachother in a "who was the most effective parent"-em-off.

In an ideal world maybe
But sometimes, people don't meet the person they want to have kids with un till their mid to late 30,s.

I had mine at 28 and 32 and wish Id had them earlier as I wish we had more years together.

im so sorry to offend you sweetheart! is that the only complaint? You must have such a sad boring life to be checking how i write specific words. does that bother you? cause i really don’t even see the point in commenting something like this

I only ever had one pregnancy but it didn't take, that was when I was 25. I felt like I was way too young then to have a kid but I don't know if I actually would've chosen to terminate.

I guess maybe 32-38? That way you've lived your life a bit and hopefully have a good career.

But as long as you're healthy and can afford it and hopefully have a decent partner, then any age above 18 is perfectly fine.

@BuffetTheDietSlayerWould of loved to see your reply, to be deleted must of been amazing😂, so if you want to write it again be welcome. I really don’t understand sad people like you that come to comment on literally a post who has nothing wrong with it no one was judging anyone. only asking for a single opinion on these topic. So please find happiness in your life and hopefully everything will be better for you, lots of love

Sometimes people “waste” their child free younger lives on frivolity

Oh god no, not the frivolity!
Personally, I found never was the perfect age to have children.

I have 2 children, I had my first at 17 far too young but then had fertility problems so I was very grateful I had had one when I did and after 25 years of trying and never thinking it would happen for us at 42 I finally gave birth to our little miracle.
I had lots of support from family and my husband both times but found it so much easier second time round because I just had that much more worldly experience and focus.
Financially I struggled first time and we didn’t have money for holidays or expensive days out which the second one does get to enjoy so I have that guilt.
I have to say my second time round had been so much better in lots of ways and given the opportunity to do it all again I’d definitely recommend waiting until you have a life behind you.
I also had lots of judgment as a young mum but nobody’s batted an eyelid at me being an older mum. I have lots of friends at the school gate a similar age to me.

Aww, sorry if I upset you hun. Please accept my sincere apology 🤗😊 🤗