How can a 21yo woman make new friends

[SlurpyMcslurpson]

My DD21 did not go to uni and all her friends did, so she’s been ‘left behind’

She has no idea where to start making new friends at her age. She has a job but hasn’t met people her age

She doesn’t really have many hobbies. I go to the gym but I don’t have any friends I’ve met there either

I have suggested all sorts but she is shy and I don’t know what to suggest anymore?

My dd is around the same age, but she is at uni and thankfully she has always found it quite easy to make friends.

To be fair, most of her friends have been made through school/uni/work etc, but she has also made friends through hobbies (dance) and volunteering (various). Plus some of her friends were originally friends of friends iyswim.

It's hard to know what to suggest, really. Is there anything that she is interested in? Hobbies might be the best way forward. Or a second job in a place where there are more people of around the same age?

If she's sporty, a running club or parkrun are usually friendly and theres lots of young people.
If she doesn't run, parkrun always needs volunteers.
Otherwise, could she volunteer at something local ?
It's hard when you're shy, but if she doesn't try, she won't meet people.

She is shy. I’m not shy and I go to all of those types of clubs and I’ve not made any friends either so I am not sure I can recommend these as helpful myself! She isn’t sporty. She likes arts, reading and animals she’s lonely though 🙁

How about volunteering at sn animal shelter?

Surely she can just get back in touch with her school/college friends?

Although me and my friends went away to University, we all were back home for the school hols and would go out together.

It's different at her age. You shouldn't be writing activities off for her because they didn't lead to friends for you.

She needs to find what interests her first. Not focus too much on making friends but on experiences where there are other people around. So that she gradually builds social skills in a low key way.

you say she hasn't met anyone yet age but does she need fitness her age? is she wanting to go out clubbing and dancing etc? otherwise what difference does age make?

she just has to force herself to get out unfortunately. I'm shy so I completely empathize but I had to kinda fake it til I make it.
also can she try reconnecting with school friends? I'm 43 and still have a close group of school friends despite us all doing our own things after uni

Meetup groups
borrow my doggy
check noticeboards local library
Join any group activity

She should not rule out people due to age ifshe gets on with them
5 People On The Benefits Of Age Gap Friendship share.google/LB6CL1Bo1tF0aJmdI

At her age, I think it’s work and through other friends and boyfriends. She doesn’t need to make like 5 new friends though. One friend and a boyfriend and then you just spend time together and you meet other people they know and then you have a little group. You do things together as a group and then you meet more people.

Travelling is also great, but obviously not for making local friends.

All that said, could she work to strengthen the friendships she already has? I went to uni locally, but my school friends went all over. I’m still close to a handful of school friends and it’s been 25 years (and obviously pre-social media and mobile phones). She can go visit them, see them when they’re back home, go travelling with them.

All that said again, she may simply be someone with low needs for socialising if she’s shy. I’m not shy, but I don’t need loads of friends or to be doing stuff with them constantly. If I see friends a few times a year, that’s plenty for me. I don’t need to be out every weekend.

I’d definitely say try volunteering at an animal shelter and maybe try an evening course on arts is something she enjoys.

My son moved to a town he had zero connections with and made making friends a mission. He joined two book clubs and a sports club. It took a while but now has a great circle of friends and a lovely girlfriend he met at one of the book clubs. He still does the sport and really likes the people there but they are all much older so haven’t ended up being people he hands out with out of the sport club.
I’ve moved to new places and had to make new friends quite a few times in my life and I think you have to try and be proactive.

My DD is shy and not at all sporty - after she left uni she found it difficult to meet new friends as she and her uni friends scattered across the country for work. She found MeetUp and Gal Pals really helpful - you can filter them by interest and she's met some lovely friends through that. They do craft stuff, make videos for their SM, go to galleries and museums, meet for coffee and lunch, etc.

It's so hard making friends as an adult when you're shy. I started going to an exercise class and have absolutely forced myself to talk to people. A class is great because you only have a few minutes at the start to chat so even if it feels a bit awkward, it's not for long and you're going to be too busy exercising to focus on it. It also gives you something in common to talk about, even if all you do is moan about your sore legs.

She needs to start going to the theatre, or orchestral concerts, or to join a choir. With the first two, you start finding out what smaller scale or niche events are happening - particularly if you sign up to mailing lists. If you start regularly showing up to pre-or post-show events or one day workshops you soon get to know other enthusiasts. Can’t guarantee that friendships would develop but it’s nice to walk into a room and be greeted by people who know you.

Essentially, rather than just wanting friends, she needs to be actively engaged in something where she’ll meet like minded people. It may be that she’ll have to accept shared engagement taking the place of friendship at first.

Or is she interested in wine or cooking or horticulture? (Admittedly more niche interests in her age group.) She could volunteer at an art gallery, or university / stately home garden or sign up for wine / whisky tastings or cocktail making classes. Zoo volunteering seems an obvious option.

I can’t honestly see the point of joining a group whose whole purpose is ‘meeting random strangers’. There needs to be a strong shared interest. And even if shy she needs to be prepared to join in and converse.

What’s the reason she didn’t go to university? Would it be possible to consider it now? What sort of work does she do - and is she focussed on career progression or is it what used to be called a dead end job?

She really is very shy. Her boyfriend has broken up with her and all her friends are at uni, so literally none of them are local. Waiting until Xmas to see a friend is a bit rubbish.

she has friends at work they are all same as as me, and I also like them a lot but they mother her so she has about 5 mums

She isn’t sporty
she does like books but the club is the same day she works

Where on earth do you live that there’s only one book club within travelling distance?! Sounds awfully defeatist. BTW - what do you mean by the same day she works? She only works one day a week - at 21? Is she unwell or suffering with a difficult condition?

I’m really sorry but unless your daughter has any additional needs it really is up to her to get herself out and involved in stuff. Her mother repeatedly stating that she’s isnt sporty is simply not getting her anywhere.

Write a list of all the suggestions here and convey them to her.

Also suggest she signs up to MN herself if she wants advice or entertainment.

She xan walk right? Is not disabled?

So she can join walking group
Ramblers or meet up or womenwhowalk is ayoung crowd https://www.womenwhowalk.co.uk/?utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAb21jcAORP6tleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA81NjcwNjczNDMzNTI0MjcAAae1eZfT5rT7FhoZuKeVO1MDQggKT8PkewrdTDR36nHes6sdpUPIW5iBzC7Oag_aem_MC31xtBddrzCYiiNT6UxqA&utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social

There will be more book clubs.

I joined one last year. Always found it hard to make friends.

I met ‘my people’. Life changing.

btw some of my people are +/- 15 years older or younger than me. Some of making great friends means appreciating they may not fit the box I was expecting. One is a very different religion.

I’ve made friends I now go to theatre with or we go to food markets…

she will find her people but friendship as an adult does look different

She can join WI or other local group.
Can she drive? Are there buses? How does she get to work?
Basically unless she makes it a mission to get out there and try new things then she willsit on her own forever.

Ultimately, she’ll need to make an effort and get over being shy. If you’ve made suggestions and she doesn’t want to take them up, it’s on her.

If she wants to make new friends she has to put herself out there.

If she wants to make friends, she has to put herself out there. If she doesn’t want to do that then, kindly, there isn’t much you can do.

Depending on where you live, there must be clubs and activities that interest her that she could join - crochet, padel, choir, running, am dram, women’s institute, volunteering, orchestra, something? Where I am, I see a lot of groups springing up for young women looking to make friends. Mostly book clubs and walking groups. How to make friends is a common topic on the Reddit forum for my city so she might get specific ideas asking there.

It’s scary walking in somewhere the first time but you could help her with some tactics for pushing past that feeling eg handy conversation starters and remembering that people are generally nice. And if she hates it, it’ll be over in an hour or so anyway.

The key is to find the right place and keep showing up consistently. She won’t meet her new best friend on day one but even just being part of a group and exchanging a few pleasantries helps fulfil a need for a social life. It will also make her a more interesting person so she’ll have more to talk to friends about in future.

If in person meet ups are really too far out her comfort zone, think about online alternatives. Where I live, there are a few podcasts presented by local women and their fans chat on Patreon and organise meetups. Another online route to try is Bumble for friends.

Maybe you could encourage her to try one new thing a month and see if she likes it?