Pulled in all directions WWYD?

[Sunshinesmon]

Youngest DC (of 4) has lived in Australia for 4 years. I've seen him once in that time. All booked to go and stay for 5 weeks over Christmas. Very excited.

2nd DC has been very unwell for about 6 weeks. Lots of hospital visits, including several multiple night stays, lots of pain, more or less bedbound. No diagnosis.

I really don't know what to do. I hate to let down DC4, and I'm dying to see him, but DC2 has been crying for his mum and we have no idea what might happen with him during the 5 weeks were away.

If we cancel, unlikely to be able to go again for some considerable time due to cost.

Both "boys" are adults with wives BTW.

I would go. I am an adult with a husband and in laws, I wouldn’t expect my mum to cancel a trip like that to stay with me.

@Sunshinesmon
I will be biased by my own experience.
My dm passed away while I was abroad (not suggesting this is going to happen to your ds)
The feeling of helplessness being stranded abroad and trying to get home was one of the worst experiences of my life.
The guilt I still feel eats me alive every day.
5 weeks and the other side of the world, I wouldn't go but I will say the airline pulled out all the stops to get me home.
I'd base your decision on what your ds wants

You go. He has a wife

See what ds2 wants. Check out what you can do logistically in terms of cost /loss etc.

what have they ruled out?

I Assume he’s had a barrage of scans etc to rule out things like cancers, cauda equina or other spinal issues, internal issues with organs, brain scan and neurological issues, so on so forth?

I wouldn’t go until he was diagnosed and stabilised. I would also like to think my other son would be concerned enough about his brother to understand. Australia is as far away as you can get from someone you love when they are ill enough to be in hospital. It will still be there when his health has improved.

Do they have other people for support- his wife’s family, your other DC? Do they have children?

if it is not a silly question why is he bed bound? It's hard to get a clear picture of exactly how ill he is and what it might be. What kinds of investigations has he had, what things have been ruled out and what is still under consideration? What are his symptoms? Where is he experiencing pain? It all sounds a bit vague. More detail would help with making the decision. Also what do you mean by 'DS 2 has been crying for his mum'? That sounds like a child not an adult. I am wondering if you are mum or dad? What does the other parent say about it all?

I'd go. He's a grown adult, not a child.

I’m really surprised at the posters saying go as if he’s just feeling a bit unwell with a dicky tummy or something. Obviously you really hope it’s nothing serious but it’s concerning that he’s in a lot of pain and he doesn’t have a diagnosis and has been unwell for so long. What if he needs surgery? My DH was unwell like this and he ended up needing emergency surgery and we didn’t know if he’d need to have a colostomy bag or what part of his bowel he’d need removed. My DF was also unwell for a long time, just didn’t feel well and we couldn’t get to the bottom of it and he had a tumour. I really don’t want to scare you or project my personal experiences but until you know what is actually going on, I wouldn’t go that far away. It’s not like a quick trip to Spain. I guess I’d be pushing the doctors and questioning if they think it is something serious or not

If it’s serious (as in potentially end of life) I would cancel and offer the money to dc 4 to come to uk instead .
otherwise I would still go but checkin daily.