Drinks and nibbles evening - questions!

[CariahMary]

Me and DP have been invited to 'drinks and nibbles' at a neighbours later

I'm going solo.

Is it acceptable to leave after an hour? Whats an acceptable excuse to leave so early? The invite has it happening for four hours 😱

The invite says bring a bottle. I'm not drinking. So I still take wine or should I take a nonalcoholic bottle?

Never be to anything like this before!

I’d take a bottle of wine. Staying for an hour is fine

I would view it as a drop in and go after an hour
take them a bottle of something

I'd take a bottle of bubbly, mingle for an hour and then just say "thank you so much for having me, I must go but it's been lovely" to the neighbour and dip. No one will be expecting everyone to stay until curtains.

These neighbours had one of these evenings last year and from what I heard, people do stay to the bitter end😬

It doesn't mean you have to stay though. Just say you have to do something early rhe next day. Bring them some chocolates instead of alcohol or a bottle of non alcoholic something or other

I would bring a bottle of something. Wine if you want or something nice and alcohol free (I don’t drink and I probably wouldn’t bet on them having something I’d want to drink so I’d be inclined to bring something I’d enjoy).

It’s fine to stay for an hour. You don’t need to make a grand exit, just thank the hosts and go. I would probably let them know when you arrive that you have to leave at 7pm to go collect DP or do whatever, that way they don’t think that you just thought it sucked and wanted to go.

Also if your DP doesn’t want to go and you’re just getting through it for an hour, you do know you don’t have to go!

I'd take a bottle of nice tonic water or something that you'd be willing to drink but also works as a mixer for alcohol.

No need to have an excuse when you leave - I'd say it's politer not to make a fanfare of leaving early - just whisper a discreet "thank you so much for a lovely evening" to the host before getting your coat.

If they're gauche enough to ask why you're leaving early, just joke "it's past my bedtime" and repeat your thanks for a lovely evening.

Making up an obviously fake excuse like, you have to walk the dog or you left the oven on, is way ruder imo.

I host a similar thing around Christmas, but for my (large) extended family. I call it a "gathering" and I indicate that it will be between 3 and 6 pm (sunset clause is for me lol!), and they are free to drop in during that time.

They all come and go at various times. Lives are busy these days and I don't mind at all, it's great to see them.

I agree with pp to discreetly mention to neighbour that you have something on/to do at whatever time. And then go. Leave your coat out of the main room and slink away and out the door with a nod to the hostess and a smile of thanks. You can text her next day with a formal thank you.

Bring wine and something for yourself. That's what I do for things like this - non drinker also!

Take a bottle for the hosts and leave it there. Take a nice tonic or something for yourself to drink.

After an hour thank the hosts and tell them you need to now pop into another gathering.

@mindutopia I know I don't have to go but I cried off last year too. I feel like I should show my face for the sake of neighbourliness.

fine to stay for an hour, fine to take posh non alcoholic drink eg bottle green spritz but I’d take small bunch flowers or chocolates to make up the money to £6 or so.

One of my pals is going too, and I know she'll ask 'where you off to?' when I go to leave 🤣

I don't need to let the hosts know I'm ducking out early then?
It's not really a drop in thing, more like people go at the start time and stay hours.

Just say "I'm off home, I'm ready for bed" or whatever you are actually doing?

Is there a reason you feel as if you have to be sneaky about not staying long? If you dislike them, you really don't have to go. If you have some other reason for not staying long and you don't want them to know you can either just keep info to a minimum or find a way of being truthful but without disclosing whatever it is you don't want them to know.

Eg, if you are (I'm sure not) going to meet your secret lover, just say "I have to meet a friend after this". If you have a gastric issue and cannot be away from home too long say "I am not feeling 100% and might head home now".

Just giving examples of things you might not want to reveal. I imagine there is something or you wouldn't be worrying about how to get out of the rest of the evening.

I wouldn't turn up as soon as it starts... would aim for twenty mins after start time...take a bottle of wine even if you don't drink...

My neighbour does a mulled wine evening each year. H and I normally stay till the end (or indeed past it) but several of the neighbours attend for probably about an hour. I'm not sure anyone thinks about it much past "oh right, bye then"

Arrive about 3/4 of an hour in, make sure you chat in at least three separate groups, say a cheerful matter-of-fact farewell to the people nearest at the time.

You probably don't need to take a coat. Just phone and keys (might not need keys if H is staying at home).

Take a posh non-alcoholic bottle (or a four-pack of glitter J2O or something) and leave it behind.

I am a big fan of people not taking the piss but I don't understand all the posts saying you must take wine if you don't drink. the "bring a bottle" instruction is because the host is saying they'll provide the venue and general environment, as well as food, but everyone must provide their own drinks. There's no expectation that the hosts get a GIFT of alcohol.

So take a suitably posh non-alcoholic bottle (and yes, it might well be drunk by others too). I think it would be perfectly reasonable to also bring a hostess gift, if that's something you do usually, but a small box of chocolate or some flowers or whatever is fine and I don't think it's essential. Certainly, when I host this sort of event, I'm more than happy with people just taking the pressure of me having to provide enough alcohol and I don't expect any additional gifts or wine. (my only peeve is when people turn up with two adults and a 18 year old DS with one little bottle of cheap wine, then proceed to tuck into the champagne, beer and good wine, drinking multiple bottles!))

Oh and yes, of course an hour is fine. Some will stay the duration, some will pop in. Just a cheery bye to the hostess and thank you, and off you go.