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Original poster

Should I accept financial charity help from a stranger?

58 replies

TheSadWife · 21/11/2025 14:31

I’m a recent widow. My husband was well known in the business community.

An MD that owns their own (highly successful nationwide) business in the same trade as my husband, wishes to gift me a small amount of money after a post I made asking how to write invoices for customers who still hadn’t paid after his death. He’s looked at my social media posts and seen me and the kids are struggling, and just wants to offer his sympathy and help a fellow business colleague.

He talks about his own wife and family and remarked that he hoped someone would look out for them one day too.

although I don’t know him personally, I know of him through the trade and he’s well thought of and genuine. It is a totally genuine offer.

it’s a few hundred pounds, and that would help so much because me and the kids were left with nothing no property, no monies, nothing.

I don’t know how to accept, or if I even should, and if I did how on earth do I phrase the kind acceptance to him, it’s such a mind blowing gesture I don’t know how to word it.

Is it wrong? My husband was always doing things like this for others, for example not charging for work done for people just starting out in business, or if he knew they were single parents, that kind of thing.

I just don’t know what to do. Please can you help advise me? I’ve never been in this situation before.

thankyou

OP posts:
Lampzade · 21/11/2025 15:50

Accept with gratitude .
Sorry for your loss Op

Lampzade · 21/11/2025 15:51

LaurieFairyCake · 21/11/2025 15:27

Accepting kindness is a kindness too FlowersFlowersFlowers

Yes I agree

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 21/11/2025 15:52

I would accept it with grateful thanks, and say that you will spend the money on the children. Such a kind gesture, and there was no need for him to offer - he genuinely wants to help, so do say yes.

Friendlygingercat · 21/11/2025 15:52

Im sorry to hear of your loss.

I would reiterate what many others posters have said. This business man has offered to help out of kindness and respect for your husband's memory and I would accept in your position. I would not over complicate things in your reply.

"Thank you for your generous offer of help. Its a comfort to know there are people like you in the world. One day I hope to be in the position to pay it forward by helping someone else who is in need of support."

RegularHere · 21/11/2025 15:58

What he’s offering you really is his kindness. A few hundred pounds is probably not much to him. I think the best thing for you do to for both of you is to accept.

bugalugs45 · 21/11/2025 16:00

Without being rude, a couple of hindered quid is possibly pocket change to this man ,
i would deffo accept, pride comes before a fall as my mum would say x

Beachcomber74 · 21/11/2025 16:00

Sorry for your loss.
i thought you were going to say a few thousand. It’s a nice gesture but not really significant after all you have been through.
Accept it with grace.

WidowSENParent · 21/11/2025 16:03

Firstly I would like to offer my condolences to you & your family.
I have been where you are OP, I was widowed over 8 years ago now. We had a long period of illness before my husband passed.
We received some very kind & thoughtful things, which varied from money from a local charity, to people weeding the garden & putting in new plants that they provided & the school Mum's dropping off 2 meals & a dessert every week that was enough to feed the family but could be frozen to use in the bad weeks.
It sounds like a well intentioned offer made from a place of respect - accept & if you have a chance in the future pay it forward

CC222 · 21/11/2025 16:49

He’s offered from the kindness of his heart. Accept it with gratitude and use it to help you resolve your issues.
So sorry for your loss ♥️

weirdoboelady · 21/11/2025 16:53
  1. accept it
  2. mention in your acceptance letter that you promised to 'pay it forward' when you can afford to, and ask if there are any specific charities he would like it paid forward to, or whether he would prefer you to return it to him so that he has the possibility of helping someone else.
  3. number 2 should have been 'offer him profuse thanks and tell him how this will affect your life. If there are any specific things it's earmarked for, you could tell him about those (I am thinking of things like a school trip which might otherwise have been difficult/impossibile)
  4. offer thanks you your deity of choice/the cosmos that there are still lovely people in this world of ours.
Original poster
TheSadWife · 21/11/2025 17:00

CrownCoats · 21/11/2025 15:07

Of course you should accept. And 25% of people saying no equated to 1 person when you commented.

Out of curiousity, why have you been left with “nothing no property, no monies, nothing”? This seems odd given how you describe your husband as well regarded in the business community and generous to others who struggled.

Because he was a sole trader compared to some of his business colleagues, we have no property, and he didn’t have a pension or life insurance or similar. The business earnt a crust but was not in the big boys league that’s all.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSadWife · 21/11/2025 17:01

weirdoboelady · 21/11/2025 16:53

  1. accept it
  2. mention in your acceptance letter that you promised to 'pay it forward' when you can afford to, and ask if there are any specific charities he would like it paid forward to, or whether he would prefer you to return it to him so that he has the possibility of helping someone else.
  3. number 2 should have been 'offer him profuse thanks and tell him how this will affect your life. If there are any specific things it's earmarked for, you could tell him about those (I am thinking of things like a school trip which might otherwise have been difficult/impossibile)
  4. offer thanks you your deity of choice/the cosmos that there are still lovely people in this world of ours.

Thankyou I have decided now I will accept and that is really based on the kind input here. So I will take advice from your suggestions and word my response to him using them. I’m very very grateful to you Thankyou so much

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSadWife · 21/11/2025 17:04

Update :

Thankyou everyone I have decided to accept this gentleman’s kind offer and will use some of the guidelines posted here on how to word a genuinely humble acceptance.
I really appreciate people taking time to vote and comment, I’ve read all the replies.
I will be sure to pay this forward myself at some point too, of course

thankyou so much everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSadWife · 21/11/2025 17:08

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/11/2025 15:49

Sorry for your loss. 💐 take the money. Say you will pay it back when things improve if makes things easier to accept

but why didn’t your dh leave you protected with life insurance or any savings

We just never thought of these things. Always too busy with work and family life, he was young and we just never thought it was the right time I guess

OP posts:
Sprig1 · 21/11/2025 17:13

I think you are making the right decision. If I was him, I would be really upset if you felt that you couldn't accept.

cupfinalchaos · 21/11/2025 17:15

Oldandcobwebby · 21/11/2025 15:10

You have met one of life's gentlemen. They are a rare breed. Accept with good grace.

This.

ginasevern · 21/11/2025 17:48

So sorry for your loss and predicament OP. Take the money. I'd probably say differently if he was offering thousands (that might arouse the cynic in me) but for a few hundred it's hardly worth worrying about. Hope things get better for you.

StruggleFlourish · 21/11/2025 17:51

Sweetie, first of all let me please offer my sincere condolences to you and your family. I am a widow also, and it happened unexpectedly, suddenly, and I was still in my 30s.
It was the worst time of my life.
But, some of the best wisdom of my life has come out of this.

While it is true that you have to be very careful with finances and strangers these days (!!!) I will say this.

We're all mortal. We've all been through things. Some of us have more time to give, some of us have more empathy to give, some of us have more money to give. Right now for you, you are struggling. And someone else there wants to try to ease your burden a little bit. A couple hundred pounds isn't a ton of money. (It is if you don't have it, but it isn't if you do have it.)

Granted, you'd feel more comfortable if this was someone you knew such as a close friend or a family member, and God you have to be so careful at this time because there are people will might to take advantage of you if they think you're an easy target such as a grieving widow... But there's an awful lot of people out there who are good and kind and they just want to help. They can't do anything to help the fact that your husband has passed. They can't take the pain away. But if they can help even in a small way by giving you a little bit of money to help cover your costs because they think it's going to be of assistance, and it will be, and they're not asking for your bank account info or anything weird like that that raises a red flag to you...
My suggestion would be to take it.

Most people are good.
I'm usually a very guarded person. I usually do not accept any type of help from anyone at any time (although I'm happy to give it) and this would have been a time in my life where I could have put up my walls higher and stronger. But instead I had a "screw it" attitude and despite my usual judgment, decided to accept more of Life experiences than I would have been comfortable with. I said yes to more things, partly because I didn't care for a while (which I know is not healthy), and I'm glad that I did. (these weren't reckless or dangerous things)

I know you have children that you have to think about, so you can't have a "screw it" attitude completely, but allowing others to help at this time, even strangers, may not be the worst thing in the world.

You know even saying this out loud it sounds like bad advice to me because I always like to caution people to be more careful and more guarded, it is true, there's a lot of scams out there, or at least that's what we hear, but I think that by constantly putting ourselves on the defense, we don't allow the goodness of life, the good people in the world, to get past either. Living on guard all the time, it's exhausting. And I'm sure that you must be exhausted at this time and again, I offer to you my condolences.

Celestialmoods · 21/11/2025 17:54

I’m so pleased you decided to accept the offer. It will be genuinely and kindly meant, and it will make the gifted feel pleased that that could help and honour your husband.

When I was newly widowed, I was shocked how many people offered me money but it’s normal.

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 21/11/2025 17:57

I'm sorry for you loss, but am glad to see you've decided to accept, and agree with PP to "pay it forward" when the time is right.

Something else that might help you manage finances is to ask if he knows anyone who could help you sort out the accounts of your late DH business - he may know a retired person or part time worker who could help.

Original poster
TheSadWife · 21/11/2025 19:49

StruggleFlourish · 21/11/2025 17:51

Sweetie, first of all let me please offer my sincere condolences to you and your family. I am a widow also, and it happened unexpectedly, suddenly, and I was still in my 30s.
It was the worst time of my life.
But, some of the best wisdom of my life has come out of this.

While it is true that you have to be very careful with finances and strangers these days (!!!) I will say this.

We're all mortal. We've all been through things. Some of us have more time to give, some of us have more empathy to give, some of us have more money to give. Right now for you, you are struggling. And someone else there wants to try to ease your burden a little bit. A couple hundred pounds isn't a ton of money. (It is if you don't have it, but it isn't if you do have it.)

Granted, you'd feel more comfortable if this was someone you knew such as a close friend or a family member, and God you have to be so careful at this time because there are people will might to take advantage of you if they think you're an easy target such as a grieving widow... But there's an awful lot of people out there who are good and kind and they just want to help. They can't do anything to help the fact that your husband has passed. They can't take the pain away. But if they can help even in a small way by giving you a little bit of money to help cover your costs because they think it's going to be of assistance, and it will be, and they're not asking for your bank account info or anything weird like that that raises a red flag to you...
My suggestion would be to take it.

Most people are good.
I'm usually a very guarded person. I usually do not accept any type of help from anyone at any time (although I'm happy to give it) and this would have been a time in my life where I could have put up my walls higher and stronger. But instead I had a "screw it" attitude and despite my usual judgment, decided to accept more of Life experiences than I would have been comfortable with. I said yes to more things, partly because I didn't care for a while (which I know is not healthy), and I'm glad that I did. (these weren't reckless or dangerous things)

I know you have children that you have to think about, so you can't have a "screw it" attitude completely, but allowing others to help at this time, even strangers, may not be the worst thing in the world.

You know even saying this out loud it sounds like bad advice to me because I always like to caution people to be more careful and more guarded, it is true, there's a lot of scams out there, or at least that's what we hear, but I think that by constantly putting ourselves on the defense, we don't allow the goodness of life, the good people in the world, to get past either. Living on guard all the time, it's exhausting. And I'm sure that you must be exhausted at this time and again, I offer to you my condolences.

Thankyou so much for writing this. I had to reply. It means a huge amount to me. Especially as you have also been in my position as a widow, you will know how this all feels. It’s helped to put all of this into perspective. I did accept his offer in the end, and then I phoned him to thank him. We had a lovely talk, and he explained that he hoped one day his own wife and family if they needed support that someone would be there for them. It’s been an extraordinary day.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 21/11/2025 21:15

TheSadWife · 21/11/2025 17:08

We just never thought of these things. Always too busy with work and family life, he was young and we just never thought it was the right time I guess

Show quote history

Life insurance is a must esp when kids

not to alarm you but now on own (as I am) make sure have good life insurance and a will and know who will be guardians to your dc

InfoSecInTheCity · 21/11/2025 21:27

@TheSadWife so sorry for your loss. I see from one of your updates that you mention having not had any life insurance, but if your husband was employed at the time of his death have you checked if his contract included a ‘Death in service’ benefit? It’s part of the standard contract where I work and would pay my husband 4 times my annual salary.

Whyherewego · 21/11/2025 21:30

An acquaintance of mine, her husband passed suddenly. She was left in the lurch with 2 kids and a part time job. A friend set up a go fund me type thing and we all gladly contributed. She is a lovely person and we were glad to offer some help to see her through the worst of the times. It was the least we could do.
Accept the help that's offered. It's there when you need it and as ypu said your DH would have done the same

heloobyeee111111111 · 21/11/2025 21:40

I would accept but I know how awkward I would feel if someone approached me. It’s the whole “how do I accept this? What do I say?” But I think it’s a lovely gesture and would like to think if anyone was in his position they would do the same. Sorry for your loss.