Is there a solution to this?

[newbluesofa]

Something that seems to come up a lot here on MN is women who are with horrible men and want to leave, but they have children. So if they leave, the children will spend some time alone with the dad, and the mums absolutely do not want that. Either because the dad is a horrible man or is just inept and they worry about him meeting the children's needs. So they stay, so the children can have a good parent around all of the time.

This seems awful, but nothing can really be done about it can it? Obviously some men are good dads so it's right that families split custody. But what do you do if you leave a man like this, and he'll have your children some of the time? Are the choices either stay or let your children be alone with him on his days? Or I guess hope he doesn't ask for any custody?

Most of these men cba with their children after the split

If you stay with a horrible man you are teaching your children that this is the norm. Do you want them to think men treat women and their children terribly and everyone just has to get on with it and live in fear? They will just repeat the cycle.

Men like this don’t want 50/50 custody. They might try at the beginning for control purposes, but once you fail to participate in their control (block their number, communicate through a third party act, etc.), they will soon be ‘busy’ on their time with the children. Yes there may bedtime short term pain, but better than a lifetime of misery.