Asperger’s and school

[Tirednhopeful]

Does anyone have any advice for a kid with Aspergers/high functioning autism and helping with various behaviours at school, particularly in relation to advocating for themselves and/or concentration/focus?

Our DS aged 10 does not have a diagnosis (he does for some processing issues) - was assessed and told not autistic. But I feel very confident he is borderline what would have previously been called Asperger’s and I worry it’s affecting some interactions with teachers, not least because he doesn’t have a diagnosis, and is actually very bright and in many ways very confident. He will often talk at length about things he knows a lot about (sometimes more than the teacher!) and is also very funny, so I think he takes refuge in those things, but then isn’t always actually fully engaging with the lessons themselves. And I think when he wants to communicate something he’s not always great at advocating for himself, even though he thinks he is.

I think all this gets missed by school because his grades are good, he has lots of friends etc. But it’s causing some issues - eg feels under valued in some classes he adores and I suspect that’d got something to do with his inability to fully engage with teachers in the way they’d like.

Any advice/books etc? Thanks!

I've got low level functioning autism, and ADHD. so does my son, 13.

Honestly if your son has good grades, good friends and not getting in trouble you are one of the very fortunate ones, no doubt partly through your own parenting

You do not have a problem that needs dealing with, school is boring, the teacher has 30+ pupils to deal with many of them more disruptive than your son

Getting your son to change so he comes to the attention of teachers or fits into what the teachers are looking for is not your son's path forward.

His path is figuring out how to get where he wants to be despite the world being the wrong shape for him.

each him the usual life skills he needs, a to do list, using a calendar, focus techniques like light mindfulness, the pomdoro technique, changing his environment to best support him to do the things he wants to do.

School is a one size fits all place. secondary school doubly so. Don't try to make him fit, teach him how to adapt and be fluid.

Good luck! He sounds like a treasure!

What a lovely message, thank you! And you’re right in so many ways, I don’t want to change him as such. But he is losing confidence in some ways and I just wonder about specifics to help him, as you say, “get to where he needs to”. Do you have any tips on the “changing his environment to best support him to do the things he wants to do” bit?

One of the things that happened is that he’s good at and loves drama but doesn’t really advocate for himself to get good parts somehow even though he’s desperate for them (he says he does, but a teacher told me he doesn’t really, bless him!). So I guess with stuff like that I’m just looking for a few practical tools I can teach him to help him on his way. But not change him, he is indeed a treasure! ❤️

You clearly think that you know better than the professionals who have assessed your son. Maybe the reason he isn't getting the good drama parts is because he isn't good enough. It sounds like he is just a standard 10 year old boy who is quite bright but emotionally a bit immature.

Christ alive Mumsnet is sometimes a mean place. What a strange response. There are about a gazillion reasons we think he is probably borderline autistic which I haven’t listed here, one of them being that some teachers have noticed things and think he is, another being that we have a lot of neurodivergence in the family and I’m familiar with lots of the signs.

And the drama thing was just one teeny example of where I feel he could advocate better for himself - we’ve seen that be an issue in loads of places but in this particular one it is contributing to him losing confidence in something he loves (and he does drama exams and gets distinctions so…).

I was just looking for some helpful tips, not sure why you didn’t just read and pass on by.
Honestly why do some people come on here just to be mean?

It's hard, I can only speak for me and to a degree my son, but, some things I force an accommodation at school, he doesn't get changed for PE anymore, lead to too much school refusal, I gave him small in ear noise defenders (not the comical over the ear things they get bullied for) and said the school needed to allow it all. I try to make sure things aren't over stimulating, he has enough time to get ready for school - and all of this whilst still reminding him the world won't change much for him, he needs to get used to it being the way it is or he will be disappointed in the future!

I advocate with teachers where I can, but don't use his diagnosis as an excuse or note, recently I had to write to music to try and get him on the music trip, because I can use the trip as leverage to encourage him to do his homework and practice that he does not want to

It's a real balance. If you (and you're not saying this) try to change everything to accommodate him now when he's18 that will be a shock, equally not making any adjustments at all can lead to unhappiness and school rejection later!

Focus on his outlook being good, as opposed to not good, and know that if you keep that general outlook as good, he's gonna be great :)

Practicing speaking up more in class is a valuable general life skill as well!

People diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome are still autistic. They removed Asperger’s Syndrome as a diagnosis in the DSM-5 because it was seen as high functioning and it very often wasn’t. Also because of Asperger’s involvement with the Nazi eugenics programme.

Years 5 and 6 are very focussed on SATs preparation. Perhaps your son will be more confident in high school Drama.

I’d rather they brought back Asperger’s and IDGAF about the Nazi link. That’s the power of autism though :)