Pregnant 17 year old

[Gallopingunicorns]

Name changed for this and not seeking anything other than to tell someone.

My 17 year old DD is pregnant. I asked her last week as I had some suspicions but she denied it. She eventually told me last night. She has arranged an appointment at a clinic for this week. I think she will be further along than she thinks but hopefully not that far that's it's too late. I have said that I'll support whatever decision she takes although inwardly I'm hoping she doesn't decide she wants to keep the baby. At the moment she doesn't. She said she was scared to tell me as she knew I'd be disappointed. I've told her I'm not and that I'm sad she felt she had to do it this far by herself. We'll have the responsibility conversations when the time is right and emotions aren't quite so high.

She is still at school. She's very smart and predicted straight A's at A Level. She wants to go to uni. She has been with her boyfriend for a year now. He's is a nice enough lad and although I have reservations I try not to let them show because I hope she will work it out for herself.

I feel sick. I won't tell my DH until DD is ready and I think it's better that I do the worrying and tell him after when we definitely know the outcome. Going through a pretty stressful time with life at the moment as it is and this is just another layer. It will pass.

Just be there for her and ultimately let it be her choice. My parents forced me to have an abortion at 15 weeks, bloody terrible I will never forgive them for it. So just be there for her.

A very dear friend of mine had her baby at 17 and four years later brought her with her to Oxford. There are always second chances and never only one way to travel.

I think you are dealing with this in the best way. Good luck for both of you.

At 15 dd attempted suicide twice.
3 years later she had a baby. No qualifications at all. But she has the makings of a bloody fab dm. Hopefully she can get back to studying when her dc is at nursery... I personally am just glad my dd is still here.... Don't use education as a tool to make her have an abortion..

Whereismyfleeceblanket

And exactly where did I say that I would be making her have an abortion. My post literally says how I have told my DD we will support her no matter her decision.

Your doing everything right apart from i wouldn't keep it from dh. Hopefully she will choose to have an abortion for her sake but whatever she chooses you will all make it work. Having a baby at 17 isn't the end of the world. It just makes things harder as she will be reliant on you for a lot longer.

You're dealing with this in absolutely the right way OP though no doubt, you're absolutely reeling. I also have a 17 year old DD.

You need to rip the bandaid off pretty quickly in regards to your DH. I imagine he won't be happy if he finds out you've kept it from him.

I agree with other posters about simply staying supportive and not pushing her into a decision which it sounds like you are doing. The last thing you want is a lifetime of resentment towards you. I hope her dad can just be supportive of her too.

Sending a hug, 💐 and 🍷

"I have said that I'll support whatever decision she takes"
100% what she needs

"inwardly I'm hoping she doesn't decide she wants to keep the baby"
Just remember what you said above - she may decide to keep it.

"I won't tell my DH until DD is ready"
That's appropriate - DD should decide what to share with who and when.

"I think it's better that I do the worrying and tell him after when we definitely know the outcome"
Why? Might he not be able to help and support you and DD?

DH will be fine. We are not a family to get angry about this kind of stuff and I know that DD knows that. I think she is embarrassed. She has said that I can tell DH but she doesn't want him to talk to her about it. He probably wouldn't anyway but I know he would want her to have the abortion and I think that she needs to come to that conclusion herself without worrying what he thinks. I will wait until after her clinic appointment to tell him.

I was pregnant at 17 and left to ‘make my own decision’, I decided to terminate.

I’m going to go against the grain, I bloody wish one of my parents had actually given me some guidance and steering. Not to tell me what to do but to lay out what would happen if I had decided to keep it (whether I would be expected to leave home, whether they would support financially, that kind of thing). Plus obviously what bloody hard work it is bringing a child up. I feel this void of communication because parents are terrified of ‘being resented’ is counterproductive - I resent the fact my parents left me to flail around trying to make a huge decision with next to no information.

I think it's possible to discuss the pros and cons without trying to force her one way or the other.

I'm a mother of three Dds. I always thought that, if one of them was pregnant as a teenager, I would prefer that they'd talked to a neutral third party before telling me. That way, they could have come to a decision without my emotions coming into play. I would then be able to support them in what they wanted to do, not what I wanted them to do.

It does sound like your DD has made up her mind before telling you, and may just want a little reassurance that she is making the right choice. Otherwise I think she'd have let the 'I'm not pregnant' situation continue.