Opting out of all social situations for a while but over Xmas ?

[headphonesinrice]

I have autistic burnout. I also suffered a traumatic loss recently . Nobody except dh is aware of either . We’ve been invited to a few family things in the next 2 months (soonest this weekend ) and I can’t manage it.

Will people understand if dh tells them ? Nobody even knows I have autism and I don’t want anyone to talk to me about the loss so it seems too hard to be honest but I’ll look like I’m being rude if I don’t say something and I can’t say I’m sick every time ?

Could you say you already have plans?

i could get away with maybe saying I’m sick this weekend and then for one of the other things that we are already busy but there are so many things i can’t get out of them all and I can’t face anything at the moment

Could you do that for the more immediate ones then make decisions on further out ones once you have had a few weeks to reset and recharge?

maybe do a few “oh sorry, that clashes with existing plans” for a couple, then do a weekend where you say you’re taking a break from anything social as you have a few busy weeks in the diary? Admittedly this is easier if you aren’t being asked by the same people each time. You could say yes to one and then call off sick, but make sure it isn’t something that will incur time or money to have been spent!

I'm so sorry for your loss @headphonesinrice .

Last November I had a horrible thing happen in my life that completely floored me. I just could not face all the Christmas jollity and socialising, even with very close friends and family. I emailed everyone saying that I was having a really hard time (didn't go into details) and that I just didn't feel up to it but wished them all a happy time. I said I looked forward to seeing them in the new year when I felt better. Without exception everyone was completely lovely and understanding.

There's that old saying that the people who mind don't matter and the people matter don't mind. I do think it's true. Hope you're feeling much better soon.