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What the heck am I dealing with here?

17 replies

OdddSox · 17/11/2025 19:35

My partner. I knew him several years before we moved in together. He knew of my physical health problem, and I knew of his, which he said was anxiety, though if he hadn't told me then I wouldn't have known . He has always been kind, caring, financially generous and supports me in everything I do. He's in his 60s and has a job he enjoys very much .

The past 4-5 years his behaviour has become quite odd. Eg, if I make a comment re life, work, TV, etc he repeats the same words I've said but in a different order, 2-3 times, or turns them into a rhyme and sings them at me.This can happen several times an evening.
When about to speak to me or do something he wiggles his fingers at me,both hands, several times.
When we' re watching TV I get a running commentary, even though I'm watching it with him.
Tonight he did all of these then began pulling faces and making weird noises.
And I finally blew my top. After years of my being non reactive due to him becoming very upset if I point out to him what he's doing, and my repeatedly asking him not to do it again, it starts again the next day.
It's like living with a toddler.
He won't discuss it, either with me or a professional. Instead, after each event he hides in bed, very upset, then the next day behaves as if nothing happened.
He does not do any of this in front of family, friends, workmates, general public.
There are many more examples of what he does but all I've said should give you a fair overview.

If anyone's got any idea of why he behaves like this, please tell me.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 17/11/2025 19:39

I will get piled on - but could he be neurodivergent?

Corinthiana · 17/11/2025 19:41

So, he only ever does this in front of you, which indicates that he can exercise control over it. Have you tried to discuss this before?
Sorry, I've just seen that he's been doing it for years. Would he get help?

dogtot · 17/11/2025 19:44

well he sounds a lot like my autistic wife presumably he masks all day but feels he can relax at home with you so stims with words and movements.

FernSaidSo · 17/11/2025 19:45

Tics / tourettes?

OdddSox · 17/11/2025 19:46

bertiebots, i have no idea. He refuses to see any kind of professional or our GP about it

OP posts:
OdddSox · 17/11/2025 19:48

corinthiana. he refuses . Is scared of what he might be told

OP posts:
Whentosayitsover · 17/11/2025 19:50

It’s sounds like a Tourette’s type issue. Look it up and see how this fits with what he does.

Whentosayitsover · 17/11/2025 19:53

If it is a health issue though, telling him off and getting annoyed isn’t going to help or make him feel more like seeking help. He’s probably embarrassed and doesn’t understand it…and if he’s done it all his life, has possibly been mocked for it before.

calamanka · 17/11/2025 19:57

Honestly, at this point I think the question is less "what am I dealing with here" and more "WHY am I dealing with it?"

He knows it upsets you.

He keeps doing it.

He can control it in front of other people, but doesn't bother to control it in front of you, even though it upsets you.

He won't seek help of any kind.

It really sounds as though you have the choice of staying with him and putting up with it, or leaving. Because he has no intention of changing.

WinterHangingBasket · 17/11/2025 19:59

Sounds like Tourettes or something similar

OdddSox · 17/11/2025 20:00

when to say it's over. Please read my op again. it is only after several years of dealing with this calmly, even though he has refused all help, that I finally shouted for him to please stop.
I have never mocked him. I am just at the end of my line over this, and have come here for advice.

OP posts:
Whentosayitsover · 17/11/2025 20:06

I didn’t say you mocked him but that someone may have mocked him before. And my advice was not to shout at him as it won’t help. You may well be incredibly frustrated with him but losing tempers rarely actually help the situation. It wasn’t a judgement.
if you’re just looking for validation of your shouting at him and understanding of your predicament and people to sympathise with with you, that’s different.

Winter2020 · 17/11/2025 20:12

Hi OP,
It sounds like stimming to me.
Chris Packham made a couple of great documentaries with people with autism. Each of these people were very different from each other. I remember one lady who talked about hiding her need to stim even from her own mum. At home with her partner was the only place she could allow herself to stim.

They are well worth a watch to see if anything resonates.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/p0bbnh47/inside-our-minds

Inside Our Minds

See the world differently. Chris Packham shines a light on different aspects of our brains, helping neurodivergent people create beautiful films to explain how their minds work.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/p0bbnh47/inside-our-minds

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 17/11/2025 20:14

It sounds to me that there's something bothering him that he's not expressing. Maybe he feels bogged down by something. Women are getting more control over their lives too, something older generations of men find harder to come to terms with. Depression can come out in weird manic ways too. Depression is more common in men. You could suggest a day out/weekend away. See if that helps. No harm he gets a general check up at the doctor too

OdddSox · 17/11/2025 20:40

Thankyou all, you have given me a lot to think about as there are a number of things you have mentioned that seem to fit.

So next thing is to do some research .

OP posts:
Corinthiana · 17/11/2025 20:51

I think the difficulty is his reluctance to get help for it. If you are very clear that it impacts you very negatively, would he be more inclined to get help?

thankfulnessisnotbizarre · 22/01/2026 18:11

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