Tell me about your ASD child and uni/further education

[IsntItDarkOut]

DD is in college. After years of non attendance and various issues we did seem to settle into an okay pattern and they’ve told her she will do well.
However they are ramping up the university chat and it sending her into a spin.
She is in no way ready to go away. In fact she won’t go anywhere without me much, she has little independence. She would not go to live with strangers or in halls, she doesn’t cope with noise/smells/people drinking etc. She now goes to college consistently but the rest of the time is in her room.
I think at some point she could get there, she’s come on a lot in the last few years but I’d say she’s still socially/emotionally very behind, more like a 13/14 year old.
I feel like I’ve gotten over the hurdle of getting her back into education and now facing another one of what to do post 18.
We do have a uni on our doorstep but she’s not that interested in it and isn’t the right course for her. But I think it maybe the best choice and then go away for a masters (she needs to do one for the area she’s interested in).
She’s feeling like such a failure because her friends are all talking about going away and she thinks staying is embarrassing.
Has anyone got any positive stories to share of how they’ve managed.

Gap year? With work - could be part time - or volunteering and lots of visits to friends who went off to uni - is what loads of 18 to 20 year olds do before going off. It also gives you time to identify the right course or the right uni.

There really isn't any need to rush it
The schools force the issue with the UCAS but it can be good practice and there is always deferred entry /changing the course over next year. You aren't committed to actually going just because you fill in a UCAS form.

We are thinking gap year to do voluntary work and learn life skills like cooking and laundry. Then a university course with a foundation year. Hoping to be able to get DSA for wellbeing and academic mentoring.

Friends DD, not ASD, plumped to do an OU degree over 5 years and work part time, as she didn't want uni life. Could that be an option?

Black and white thinking about what her peers do and FOMO are very natural responses but you could gently remind her there is the rest of her life to go to uni and this is worth getting right if only from the financial point of view...IE earn a bit before going /or do some independent activities see the world or the UK before going.

What about some open days ? They are often helpful to make it less of a theoretical decision. How will she find the train journey for example ?

My sons really learnt something from the long journey to and from Open Days!

My daughter is 20 and has gone to uni this year. She was in no way ready at 18, but over the last 2 years I’ve seen a massive change in here. 5 years ago, she wouldn’t leave her bedroom and didn’t do brilliantly in her GCSEs as a result.

She did 4 years at college in the end as she had to start with a level 2 BTech and retake some GCSEs. She then did level 3. She had to do work experience placements and then a couple of years summer jobs in a bar made a massive difference in her confidence. She grew up hugely.

She doesn’t go to a particularly high ranking uni, but it’s small, has great support, catered halls so I don’t have to worry too much about her feeding herself. She’s settled in well, making friends and is doing well - she chose to do a foundation year as she felt it would be a gradual step into formal uni study

Definitely look at DSA, my daughter has it and is entitled to lots of additional support over and above what the uni provides.

So far so good, it’s what she wanted, so we’ve supported her to get there and if it all comes crashing down, we’ll deal with it then.

My daughter took a year out first. Now she attends uni in a city that away but familiar to her. She has small accommodation with a tiny kitchen. The laundry is near and she attends at quiet times. Not glitch free but necessary. The uni have been extremely supportive.

Ds with ASD went to Lancaster and managed well but he often says a gap year would have been good. At the time he was determined to go - I would have to have really been able to sell some good extrovert "acceptable" alternative and unfortunately I didnt have one to hand...

Dd did an art foundation and stayed at home for a year after A levels as a result and became very independent travelling round London and hanging out with the other Foundation students, and she was busy with the course too...so I do recommend foundations... Art by some anomaly was of course free, not all are.

The school is known for the fact that almost all 6th formers go straight to uni so I think they push it/expect it.
she can be very black and white about these things and doesn’t respond to being pushed at all.
I always thought I would be pushing her out the door at 18, but she’s not skilled in caring for herself. I also think she has years to do this. She’s worried she will be too old if she goes a year or two later which is mad, even in the distant 90s when I went there were some older students.
I don’t think OU would work for her as she needs human interaction and everywhere she could go by train from us is a bit too far, which is disappointing. At the moment I would struggle to get her to get the bus on her own.
@PandyMoanyMumthis is a good plan you have. I’d like her to do a foundation here but she’s resistant, it’s minimal cost though with no rent for her.

Dc1 freaked at all the pushy uni information and ended up getting a job in the nhs, has since done a diploma and looking at doing the full degree (all payed for while getting a wage). I always said dc would get there in the end just slower than peers. Dc has been living independently for a year now. Is doing well at work (they saw potential and that boosted dc confidence).
Dc2 also asd is currently at college and is very intelligent but could not live independently and so we're looking at university but staying at home. At half term we did the journey by train to our nearest university and although wouldn't be able to do it independently yet we've got just under two years to practice. Our backup plan is take a gap year and practice traveling locally by train, volunteer and gain confidence. Im sure dc will get there in their own time.