Cheapest thing a person has ever done

[Unorganisedchaos2]

Inspired by the children's birthday party thread, Im sure this has been done so many times but humor me as Im stuck at home with a poorly DD...

Our family once knew a couple who were convinced that the baby they were due to have shouldn't cost them any more than the family allowance and a grant I believe you used to get in the early 2000's. Some of the things they did:

• Commented that it had worked out well that the baby was born 2 months prem as they had been able to claim family allowance but he hadn't cost them anything yet as the hospital were providing nappies, milk etc.
• Refused to visit the baby until the hospital had issued a free parking pass then only visited 3 times a week because they were tired and as it was a 30 minute it was already costing a lot in petrol.
• Did a separate food shop for him of all supermarket own brand food and £1 meals, she actually had "his money" in one of those money bags the bank used and made the checkout person run it through as two separate shops.
• Spent hours in charity shops buying up the next few years with of clothes for him, at his second birthday they were asking us to buy clothes for 7-8 year old.
• Asked my mum to register as a childminder so they could claim childcare but expected my mum to do it for free (not honestly sure how that was ever going to work out)
• Not child related but he refused to drive above 50 MPH because he believed it was uneconomical, even if he was late for work or holding up a queue of traffic.

I think this is quite charming and not with ill intent like some

@NeverBeAPart@Vorkya I would do that but would definitely offer money for the privilege! @Fishplates@JackJarvisEsqI was a junior at a hair salon & one stylist used to wash her hair in Fairy Snow & use Comfort or Lenor as conditioner if she ran out at home.

I'm a single mum of 1 living hand to mouth every month. My mum buys lots of reduced food from the supermarkets. Her freezer is always rammed full of yellow sticker foods. When she brings some of these items to me she asks me to pay her for them to the exact pence, even though I've not asked for them and may not be able to afford them at the time. Bear in mind she has thousands of pounds in savings, I know as she's told me how much she has, so she can afford to pay out a couple of quid here and there to help us out. To put this in context in the past I've driven her to hospital appointments and not asked for anything towards fuel and she never offers either. She knows my finances are stretched each month and every time she does it I ask her not to do it again, but alas it continues. I think she truly believes she's helping me out 🤦

ThatEdgyEagle

That is unbelievably tight of her but just tell her you don’t want them!

Is it?!?! Is that common knowledge?

I thought when people said "just buy me a drink" it literally meant next time we're out together you can buy me a drink.

It might well mean that if it's a friend or close acquaintance; but if it's a tradesman or somebody else who does you a serendipitous favour but whom you wouldn't go out socialising with - indeed whom you might never see again - how else are you going to pay for them to have a drink other than by giving them the money to buy themselves a drink (or use for another purpose) when they're out on their own?!

It's very like the online custom whereby people ask you to 'buy me a coffee' if their website has helped or entertained you in some way and you want to show your gratitude. You're not going to travel all the way to Seattle or Delhi (or wherever they're based) just to take them out to their local coffee shop! It's just a polite way of saying that a smallish cash transfer of maybe £3, £5 or £10 (possibly up to £20 at most, I'd say) or the US$ equivalent would be very gratefully appreciated.

Literally never ever heard of this usage.

I and the rest of the human race would say, “Call it a fiver/tenner/whatever.”

If my builder said “Just buy me a drink” when he did a small job, I’d find it completely wild and weird that he’s - what? Asking me out? Assuming we drink together? The only times I’ve ever, ever heard it is between people who are drinking together at that moment or on regular occasions.

I’m now enjoying imagining all the many times this PP has used it in that context and people have gone away completely bewildered 😂

My understanding is that if you know them well enough then you literally buy them a drink. My NDN did me a plumbing favour and said that same, so I bought him a 24 pack of his favourite beer.

If it is an aquaintance it means "you owe me one" so if your specialism is (say) car mechanics then you do them a favour back.

If its someone you dont know at all then you press cash on them equal to about half what they would have charged you.

Its all off the books basically.

You're wrong in thinking you can speak "for the rest of the human race". The phrase is used as a pp said, by me and others, without confusion. Stick to speaking for yourself.

‘Have a drink yourself’ used to be how you tipped the barman in a pub, too (at least in the NW). Nobody expected said barman to actually consume an alcoholic drink each time (he’d be legless in a couple of hours apart from anything else) it was understood this meant he should drop some coins from the change in the tip jar.

Yes, the lengths British people will go to (or went to in the past) in order to avoid mentioning (whisper it) money are bizarre.

I assume there was some unspoken formula as to how much the barman could tip himself but I have no idea what it was / is.

@CandidHedgehog When I worked behind a bar (many years ago) if someone said “And your own” we were allowed to take a small tip (at the time it was 10p or something). But if they said “Have a proper drink” we were allowed to take the price of an actual drink. So I’d say “That’s very kind, I’ll take half a lager, thank you” and take £1. But you couldn’t say “I’ll have a double Tia Maria and Coke” because that would be seen as taking the piss. It was a minefield!

DH is autistic and very literal so when some trades people said this (they had done the job quickly so waived the fee) he didn't realise and we didn't have any alcohol in so he gave them each a carton of apple juice

Tommy Cooper famously used to say "Here, have a drink on me" to serving staff and underlings by tucking something that rustled into their breast pocket that they would naturally assume would be a banknote - except it was actually a teabag.

The big difference was that he knew very well what he was doing in having a nasty laugh at the expense of people who earned a tiny fraction of what he did and deliberately humiliating them. By stark contrast, your DH sounds a very kind soul!

I always said this (grew up in a northern working class town and it was the done thing). But when I moved to a posh area and still said it they looked at me like I had two heads! I explained what it meant and they would sheepishly take a pound or whatever. I stopped doing it as I got fed up of explaining!

Yeah he was mortified when he realised what he should have done bless him! He thought they must have had a rule against money tips and that's why they had asked for drinks instead.

This is blowing my mind! When I worked in a bar peopled very literally buy you a drink as a tip, you just put the drink through the till and printed a receipt for it and then saved all your receipts and you'd cash in your drinks at the end of the shift or at a later date. (I will point out this was when I was a student so we weren't averse to getting a little tipsy on shift)

I have recently been diagnosed as autistic though and am only beginning to come to the realisation of how literally I take "common" phrases.

Why can't people just say what they mean?!

I still work in pubs and this is what we do.

Someone leaves a cash tip? It goes in the jar and gets shared out monthly. Someone buys you a drink then you dont take the piss (for example I prefer wine but will have a lager), print out the receipt and drink it when not on shift. Or you take roughly the cost of the drink out of the change if you cant do that.

I know some places have different rules but I have not worked in any that didnt allow the actual drink to be taken.

@Cailin66 not only is coasting down a hill in neutral dangerous. It also doesn’t save fuel as the car uses fuel it wouldn’t need to use if driven down in gear

🤣🤣🤣
Omg I'm so sorry for laughing

No problem! 🤣🤣🤣

Not nearly as stingy as some examples. I was one of the last of my friends to have kids, but I used to buy a few gifts at Christmas for my friends kids. Nothing extravagant but always carefully chosen to reflect their interests. So there were several years of my buying gifts but as I didn’t have kids it was all one way - fine that was my choice. Then I did have kids. One friend had three and her DD loved Sylvanian families so I bought her a set, about £20, probably a bit more than I’d normally spend as she had two brothers I also bought for. What did my friend give my little girl in return? A Boots branded baby toothbrush, worth about 89p. It wasn’t just the cost, but what toddler is going to love getting a plain toothbrush for Christmas? I could see her eyeing the Sylvanian family and wishing she could keep that!
I also got a £10 wooden salad bowl as a wedding present from a multi millionaire friend of my mothers.
Another time, after my DH died unexpectedly, a cousin invited me and my children to a skating party. All the kids were given (cheapish) felt cowboy hats, which I assumed were gifts. The kids loved them. Then she asked for them back at the end. She was also worth millions and I wondered what the heck she was going to do with ten children’s hats? She didn’t have kids of her own. And now I think of it she didn’t give me a wedding present at all!
Being cheap is such a turn off.

Think she's saying she received these unwanted items as gifts for her own birthday a few days later

I am a very generous present giver. My gifts are chosen with care, and try make sure that the gift I'm giving will be absolutely loved by the recipient.
I have one friend who without fail returns her gifts from me a few months later, with 'Oh sorry I don't wear that colour./I have too many of these and wear it/etc.
One year I bought her a 100ml bottle of her favourite perfume.(I felt sorry for her as she had suffered a tragedy), She opened her and the next time I visited a 4 months later she returned it saying there was something wrong with it. Apparently it was the wrong colour, and in her opinion a 'fake'.
Manufacturers change formulas and packaging all the time, Tweaking and reinventing the brand so they can stay current. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the perfume whatsoever. When I went back to Boots to have a look at the display samples they were all the same colour as the one I had bought her. I also spoke to the sales assistant who said that the fragrance colours can be slightly different with every batch.
When I visited her this year to give her a christmas gift she gave me back an (unworn) jacket I had brought her last Christmas 2024! Telling me she doesn't wear colours like that. (Burgundy). Why she couldn't tell me at the time so I could get a refund beats me.
One year I bought her a beautiful oversized shawl/wrap. (and bought one from myself) She gave it back to me on the spot telling me that she would never wear it. I gave it to my daughter who was thrilled.
A few months later when visiting her I wore mine. She was all over it telling me how beautiful it was and where did I get it. She's clearly forgotten I had offered her one, a you months prior. WTF??

Wow, I would have stopped getting her anything except a £20 voucher years ago. It almost sounds like she's rejecting gifts she does actually like to make a point (maybe "I don't want anyone else choosing for me") or insult you, no idea which. Your gifts sound so thoughtful!

Why uou continued giving her gifts is going to beat most of us, @ChichesterNona.