Burnt out but don’t have a legitimate reason to be. What’s wrong with me?

[whatsnewpussycat34]

I feel completely burnt out from life, but I can’t explain why.

I wfh 4 days a week in a fairly easy going role, decent boss and just one day in the office. I don’t have any children to run me ragged, a nice DH and I can pay my bills at the end of the month. So why do I feel so tired and checked out?

Money is a bit of a worry, in that I don’t have masses of savings or a decent pension for the future, but we’re ok month to month. I don’t feel like I have any real purpose or drive to do anything at all.

What’s wrong with me! I feel stuck in treacle but I should be able to find something that makes me feel energised and happy, surely?

Any words of wisdom would be greatly welcomed.

Try asking your gp for a full blood test to rule out potential physical issues

@laughingnow I had that done a few months ago, all vitamin levels in range, blood counts all fine etc.

If physical causes are ruled out, do you have hobbies, exercise etc, would you say you feel stuck in a bit of a rut? I am a low energy person but tend to find if I make myself do more I feel better for it if that makes sense.

Sorry you are feeling so low op.

First things first…

Could this be a medical issue?

Have you had a recent blood test at the gp?

That could detect anaemia, thyroid issues, vit D deficiency?

Could it be hormonal? Peri-menopause?

How are your “three pillars” of good health: the food you eat, the quality of sleep, and exercise?

What about alcohol? Or do you have any activities that drain you? Like spending too much time on-line?

How is your primary relationship? Are you happy with your dh?

What is your lifestyle like? I know we could all do with more money; but beyond that, do you feel you have purpose? Do you do anything creative? Do you have one or two things that you look forward to doing each week?

Could you be depressed? If so, what are the possible causes? Are you leading the right sort of life for you?

Lastly, could neurodiversity be at play here? Could you have autism or adhd? Do you have any sensory or executive function issues? Do you generally find that life is a struggle and you have found it hard to keep up with your peers and demands on your time that NT people don’t seem to find a challenge? Have you been masking these difficulties for years and now the wheels have fallen off?

Are you bored? I felt similarly about 3 years ago and realised that being bored is actually really stressful! I was very busy (teaching) but so very bored of the same old shit every day.

How is your relationship? Like, really. Are you communicating, being there for one another when needed, how are things physically.

How old are you? This is what the early part of the menopause sounded like for me.

This is such a lovely thought out post, thank you @Sourdillpicklesandmore , this has actually helped me and I hope helps OP too.

If you had blood tests previously, can you check the results? I had some last year which all came back normal, but had more recently and came back with a deficiency. Turns out I was considered "normal" last time but was right at the bottom of the range. A year or so later and I'm actually very low.

Iron, for example has a "normal" range of 30-300!

@Sourdillpicklesandmore thank you so much for this reply, it’s so thoughtful.

re vitamins etc, all my levels were in range, I do take extra supplements too.

im 39, so maybe peri is playing a part, I’m not sure what I can do about this though.

My sleep is excellent, although I feel tired all the time! Food is ok, exercise is pretty much null.

I don’t drink alcohol and I do doom scroll too much.

DH is great, we have a good laugh and depend on each other massively. He could be slightly less annoying and blind to piles of clothes, but other than that, no issues.

I think maybe a bit of low level depression is probably right, I don’t have anything that feeds my soul, and I have no clue on how to work out what that could be!

ND maybe, as I’ve gotten older I see more traits showing up in inattentiveness, overthinking etc so ADHD could be in there.

@backinthebox I’m 39

@PoliteSquid I’m bored to death!

@kindnessforthewin relationship is fine, I think we’re solid. Physically not where either of us what to be, but I have an issue with my vulva that makes intercourse difficult. We still do “other things” a few times a week though.

My ferritin was 30, which is a bit on the low side

Definitely time to put your phone down.

Actually think you would probably benefit from going in to office more than 1 day a week just to get out and about a bit more.

Yeah that's the lowest to be considered normal ... mine was just over 30 a year ago and has fallen quite a bit since. I would ask for another test.

I think maybe a little exercise would help. Find something you’d enjoy whether that’s a class, couch to 5k, I like Caroline Garvin on YouTube for strength workouts.

re the money worries. Maybe go through a budget and see whether you could put a little more into a pension if that’s a big worry. Even a little extra compounds over time.

I agree with a PP that exercise would help. I also work 4 days, often from home. I have 2 kids so that's different but overall things are fine but yet I also felt done in. I've started running 3 times per week and it's really helped. I'm also 39.

Maybe you need to start doing something. Does your husband? Sport, pool, anything?

I play the guitar and I always have a new song on the go, or I'm thinking about what I need to do next. The music hobby has led to groups, bands, events, parties and big groups of friends with music in common. It is a great hobby to have.

Whatever it may be, are you into anything? Could you do anything online, write, create, garden, follow interior decorators and do your living room over, anything like that?

That is quite low ferritin wise and I feel tired and lacking enthusiasm at that level.

Ferritin levels aside I nearly always feel better after exercise, whether a walk at lunchtime or gym/Pilates that makes me feel stronger.

I always feel more alive if I’ve been somewhere different. A different city, trip to the coast, wandering around a gallery or the shops, depending upon your interests.

These little things could help you feel better but if not definitely visit your GP again. HRT could perhaps help if this is a sign of perimenopause.

@whatsnewpussycat34 Boredom is never talked about as a source of stress, but it really does pull you down. Had all kinds of blood tests and a bit of talking therapy, but that wasn’t much use for me.

in the end I changed career! That’s quite a radical step and it meant a substantial pay cut so I realise it’s not possible for everyone. But at long last I get to use my brain again and feel more challenged by work again!

Others have suggested things like learning a new skill/hobby - might have the same effect…

I would research what inattentive ADHD looks like in women. Most are diagnosed in Peri when their kids are. Like a lightbulb moment.

You may not be in perimenopause yet but hormone fluctuations can make ADHD worse.

Masked ADHD. Even if you are unaware you are masking can lead to burnout and exhaustion.

Something to explore/think about if bloods come back fine.

It’s like you look at everyone else doing so much stuff and think ‘why can’t I do that’.

But first port of call would be a full blood count. Especially checking iron/vitamin D/ thyroid and vitamin B12 levels.

Another thing to look at is chronic fatigue or long covid. We can have issues even after a mild infection and not join the dots

I feel like this. It’s often worse when I haven’t been around people or done anything fun in a while plus the dark nights setting in haven’t helped me at all.
Bloods etc have all came back OK for me too but it’s a daily struggle at times.

I was saying the exact thing to DH earlier, my brain and body are doing nothing at all. If I had a job that I enjoyed or was actually good at, I think I’d feel better.

What were you doing before and what are you doing now, if you don’t mind me asking?