Was I in the wrong?

[Waterhorse46]

So I was speaking with someone who my friend put me in touch with we talked for a few weeks. Really clicked but then things went weird before the date. She spoke really highly of him. But his behaviour just wasn’t acceptable as he suggested a date and never followed through on it and never contacted me prior to say he had an issue with it. my friend then got involved as they bumped into one another and he said to her there’s an issue with distance. So I, being rather direct texted him

”Hey, hope you’re okay. It’s been brought to my attention that the distance was a concern for you. I do not appreciate how conversation had taken place elsewhere first. I should have been made aware, in the first instance.

You were under no illusion that distance was a factor from day one. If it became an issue, it should’ve been communicated as such, conversations shouldn’t have continued, nor suggesting a date you had no intention of honouring.

Whatever your reservations, whether it was the distance or maybe something entirely different. I should be hearing it from you. You’ve had a few opportunity to communicate this.

I do wish you well. Take care”

He then said “Hi

I totally take this on board and apologise. You are absolutely right. A conversation was mentioned but not the entirety of it or what I wanted to do potentially discuss with you. But this doesn’t matter now. I was only answering questions which appear to be posed by you from another person.
Anyways, I wanted to discuss the distance issue with you in detail, but I never got a chance.
Please note, there is nothing else as you have mentioned in your previous message. It was just purely the distance so I’m not sure where you’ve got this information from?

Sorry for wasting your time and once again apologise. Again to reiterate, the plan was to discuss this with you but looks like another person has interjected on my behalf and I should have followed up with you in the first instance. For this I’m sorry.

I do wish you well as well”

Have I been fair in what I’ve said to him and do you think he’s just deflecting. And yes I shouldn’t care but I do.

You sound like two chat bots talking to each other.

Qualityroses, I agree,way too long,way too formal,did you start of with "Dear Sir"!

Op you need professional real life support

seriously

Blimey, you come across as really desperate and proper pissed off he doesn’t want to date you.

But the oddity is that he texted back with an identical level of formality and length.

Sorry OP I agree with this ^

You seem over invested. I would have just let it fizzle out as these things sometimes do.

Is he right though? Did you get your mate to ask him like you were at school then basically go nuclear as he told her and doesn’t want to date you?

Why’s that odd, matching tone, when someone is kicking off, is quite normal. I’m sure he’d have blocked her and not responded if they didn’t have a mutual friend, I mean most people would.

Agreed! I think / assumed he used chatgpt to create a tonally similar response!

60 year old teachers

Yup, tweaked my antenna as well 😁

No idea if he was deflecting, but that doesn’t matter now as it’s over.

To me it seems normal for him and your friend to have talked about how the matchmaking was going when they bumped into each other. To not mention it would have been weird. I can see why you were annoyed that she knew he’d decided that the distance was an issue before he told you but that wasn’t down to the chance meeting rather than anything impolite

Yeah but his message back says the questions appeared to be posed by the op but from the friend, as in she asked the friend to ask him. And then kicked off at him as he responded and answered the questions.

Oh goodness so much drama and hand wringing over someone you have never even met. I think he dodged a bullet to be fair.

And both in a way that no humans actually interact

Sorry, to clarify -did he actually send you up on a date he had agreed to? Or you raised the possibility of the date and he hadn’t directly responded?

😳 I don’t!! I promise 🤣

You sound like boss telling him off for a minor issue so that you have something to bring up at appraisal time... you have no right to tell him what he can/can't speak to your mutual friend about, I don't know why you think you do. He was being offensive, it was a brief conversation about logistics which presumably came up as a result of her speaking about the situation with him.

But as I said on the other thread (don't know why we need two and the original couldn't just have been updated) - you've never met the man. You are far too invested in someone you don't know from a bar of soap.

"Was I in the wrong?" Yes.

Your message sounded like you were regurgitating 'The Office Book Of Cliches'.

Are you his manager? There is no warmth in your message whatsoever.

You have never actually even gone on one date with this guy and you are sending him messages like that? If he didnt want to go out with you thats his own business and he doesnt owe you an explanation at all. You are very odd sending him that 'closure' message. You dont need closure from someone you havent even gone on one date with.

I wouldn't send an intense, formal and furious sounding missive like that to a person I'd never met. It seems so unnecessary.

It just wasn't meant to be. You really should stop thinking about him. And maybe try and lower the intensity and formality of your communication style.

Blimey, you sent him a business letter! Amazed you didn’t discipline him for breach of contract 😂

Just move on, FFS, life’s too short.