Fo those that had their children before Mumsnet.

[Rictasmorticia]

A poster recently asked a question about people’s age next birthday. I was surprised to learn that many posters are my age, almost 80

I love MN and have always thought how much easier my life would have been had it been around when I was raising a family. Two things in particular stand out. That my son’s picky eating and not being able to wear certain clothes was an actual condition. Most important of all, it would have found out how to deal with my toxic mother.

Can I ask other oldies what advice you would have asked?

How to deal with your toxic mother - this, with bells on!!! I think it would have made a massive amount of difference to me to have read many of the threads on here on that topic. Possibly my mother and I would not have become estranged. It’s something that I often ponder about.

I’m much younger but MN didn’t exist when I was dealing with my toxic relatives years ago and some advice from wise minds would have been really helpful. Although 25 years ago I don’t think we were talking about Neurodivergence in the same way and some relatives have since been diagnosed.
I did find MN when my eldest DC was young and the advice helped me understand what was normal and ok which was reassuring as a new mum. I’ve only dipped in occasionally since then but now name change regularly.
What I didn’t do, and wish I had, was ask for advice in my last relationship as I’m sure I would have exited earlier and saved myself a lot of worry and stress. I only read up on healing from a relationship after I left and then recognised how toxic his behaviour was. And that he’d never change and be the person I hoped he could. Now my emotions have subsided about him, I try and pass on that experience to others in similar situations, as that is what I needed to hear and didn’t at the time.

So many everyday questions!
Parenting advice for sure. BUT parenting 40 yrs ago was different.

I’m another one who would have welcomed advice on how to deal with my NPD mother.

I could have done being on Mumsnet when my husband told me about his affair, the awful situation with the OW and her kids, the divorce and everything.
I’m not sure it would have helped me when my kids were little - I’m not sure I could have coped with the extra pressure to be perfect, would have driven myself trying to live up to the MN standards (even though I did a perfectly good job), would have felt judged as a SAHM.

I was in my mid 30s when i joined MN.

MN would have been a big help with toxic relative.

I could have done with MN to help me not go through with a wedding i wanted to pull out of when i was 19.

I could have done with MN through the birth of my 3 eldest before i was 28.

I could have done with MH help when i finally left XH.

Happily MN WAS there when i had a late loss.

And there for DC 4 😊

And there for soooo many situations in the last 17 years.

💐 thank you all the wonderful women who have given advice directly on threads of mine and indirectly on other people on the same circs as me .