Just wondering about thoughts / perspectives on something that happened earlier which has unsettled me.
I was sitting on the sidelines of my child’s Saturday sport chatting to a couple of other parents with kids in the same session. It was gentle chit-chat really but we ended up discussing the situation where your child turns out to have passion / talent for something that requires a lot of parental input / ferrying around. One of the other parents talked about a friend who gave up their job to take their child to train and compete at a national level. We all mused on the fact this no doubt provided a huge sense of achievement and purpose but could be difficult / conflicting as a parent and I did say that I wasn’t sorry my children have no such talent / desires! The others commented that actually financially it would be very hard to stop working (which I said is also the case for me) and I said that additionally my work for me is an important part of my identity (vocational, trained for many years) and I would not want to give it up.
it was not at all a challenging conversation, just an exchange of thoughts on one of the many dilemmas on parenting. Everyone else was also chatting in groups. However, at this point another parent interrupted and told us that our conversation was really hurting her feelings. We actually hadn’t seen her arrive and none of us recognised her or knew she was standing behind us - I think she had just arrived for the following session. We were somewhat bewildered and one of the others asked why. She said it was because she has recently given up her job to get her children to school. She didn’t give any more detail and she said it was better she leaves as we were being so hurtful. One of the others said a slightly confused sorry and she rushed off.
Everyone else around just sort of looked at us. We all then gathered our stuff in awkward silence and went to meet our kids but we were confronted by total chaos in the waiting area with her having a full on panic attack and everyone else also then panicking and asking her about what happened and trying to sympathise and comfort. I think someone may have called 999. We all left quietly as we didn’t think our ongoing presence would be helpful.
It was horrid. I feel for her but don’t think I should feel guilty for the above conversation and the fact she overheard it? Should I? How is that realistic in life with kids? Surely there will be loads of innocent chats about how we all live our lives and the balances we all make? Are we not allowed to have any opinions on what works for us and our individual families in case it offends someone else standing nearby? At no point at all was there any criticism of other choices (more awe that some people are selfless enough to give up their own other roles for their kids) and we all acknowledge that her situation may have come about without a choice so isn’t the same anyway.
Bewildered (and a bit pissed off that it happened at all and now I feel slightly unwelcome on the sidelines).