Two friends met each other but I don't want to meet them together-

[RememberBeKindWithKaren]

This is going to come across as a bit silly I expect.

I've known friend A for about 25 yrs and friend B for about 15 years, both of them lovely. One via work and the other via kids at school.

A few months ago A needed something for her daughter's wedding, which B could help with, and I introduced her to B and they met up without me. Got on like a house on fire it seems. Both messaged me separately- " oh, your friend is fab! we should all meet up together next time" and I said yes fine.

This is where I'm going to sound petty and selfish. Even arranging to meet one person seems tricky, having to go back and forth for a good date for two would be worse. They would be getting to know each other from scratch- boring for me. They live on different sides of town- travel. I don't want to change. Happy with seeing each of them one at a time.

I want to arrange to see the friend I've worked with as haven't seen her for yonks and want to hear about daughter's wedding. So, can I forget all about the idea of the 3 of us meeting and just message her and not mention it? I need help to negotiate it because I really am this helpless.

What would you do please?

I would just meet up with work friend and then see whether she brings up meeting as a group again. If she does then Id be vague and say "oh yes that would be great" and then leave it and operate as normal. If they're desperate to do it one of them will arrange it. You can then decide whether to join or whether to run the risk of ultimately getting sidelined.

Personally I’d try to enjoy it- I thought you were going to say they went off without you! It could be a nice group!

To be fair, I've messaged both A and B on various subjects a fair bit since they met each other so they might have separately concluded that I didn't ever want to meet them both together. I am a people pleaser, I'm well aware of that. Just need to get my thoughts in order. Thanks to you both :)

I'm with you, l have a few close friends from different sources who do all meet up together occasionally . I used to go but l hate 'girlie' meet ups so l make excuses now . I meet a couple of them separately and it's such a different dynamic and we talk and listen to each other and confide in each other etc as well as having a nice time and get on famously.
When we meet as a group it's every one talking at once ,constantly being nagged to drink more by a couple of the more party animals in the group and becoming that screechy group of women you get in any pub/restaurant etc..
Also there's something's only one of them knows and another doesn't know about me or l know about them but the others don't so some conversations out of bounds.
Maybe lm just a miserable cow but l much prefer one to ones.

I get this. One of my good friends moved to the same city as another of my good friends and I suggested she show the new girl round. They got on really well and are good friends now. I still prefer to meet them separately and just do that despite one of them keeping on about meeting as a three.

The dynamic is just different.

I think you are over thinking this a little. I’d try it at least once. It may be like you think or could be great fun. No rush and if you can’t find a date then so be it. Arrange to meet friend A at a time and place that suits you and ask B if they’d like to join too. Never mind if they can’t make it, Just meet friend A. You don’t have to start changing places and dates to accommodate

Thanks to everyone who is posting. Yes I know I'm making more of a deal out of it than I should Not sure why. Although really I suppose I wouldn't have expected they'd have thought after just half an hour or so that they'd have so much in common. I just don't see it. But perhaps I should be more open and friendly and accommodating.

@liveforsummer thanks that's a good point- not rushing it but giving a date that's good for A and then asking B, or vice versa.

Thanks again to everyone who takes the time to add their thoughts

Although I get what you’re saying I don’t think it’s up to you to police who other people make friends with.
It comes across a bit controlling and if I was one of them I’d be a bit hurt and think your were being a bit strange. It does potentially run the risk of them seeing each other without you and you missing out.
Maybe not, they might just be being polite and not actually that bothered about getting together! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Work on your people pleasing.

See your friends separately if you’d prefer. What you obviously can’t do is prevent them from pursuing a separate friendship of their own, one on one.

You’ve had good advice. I’d just smile and be positive but leave it up to the others to sort out a meeting all together. If they do I would join in. But organise your one to ones as usual.

good luck!

Thanks again..

Just to add, I think there is zero chance they will meet up unless I organise it. Not sure how I could prove this but I think they are quite different personalities so not convinced they would hit it off in a normal lasting friendship but I suspect to some that might seem a bit off for me to say that.

Also for background I'm caring for my elderly mum who has dementia and a heart condition so between trips to see her and my work, my spare time is very limited. I will probably do as people say and leave the meeting with the 3 until I've got enough time to breathe and just do meetups one to one for now.

Wouldn't it be simplest to set up a WhatsApp group for the 3 of you so that you can all fix up a time and date to meet rather than passing on messages from one friend to another which makes arranging anything a pain?

I would hate this too. I am ND and I compartmentalise my life. The friends meeting would make me really anxious.

But she doesn't want to make a time to meet as a three.