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One and Done Wobble

5 replies

Newname699032 · 14/11/2025 13:10

OK I hope this will be somewhat coherent and not too jumbled like my thoughts!

Always thought we were one and done. For a number of reasons really. More time, money and head space for one. I wondered about my ability to cope with more than one and my patience - this despite a career working with children and actually quite passionate about child development and care.

Also, my husband while lovely and supportive can be lazy and selfish. I know that sounds harsh and I'm obviously far from perfect myself, just don't think there's a point in sugar coating it.

So we have one amazing 5 year old daughter whom we absolutely adore. Life is good and we have the things we want (time, some disposable money, etc).

However! Now I'm starting to think its the small age gap that I wouldn't have been able to cope with. I know I'd have struggled massively with that. No way! Not for me.
But now that our daughter is older I suppose I'm wondering would it in fact be easier now.

I don't have long to decide as I'm 38 although my husband is a couple of years younger. He doesnt particularly want a second child which I know is pretty much the answer, however, if it was extremely important to me I think he would.

My legitimate worries are he won't pull his weight and there'll be serious resentment which effects us all, including of course our daughter. She does ask for a sibling every now and then but I wouldn't base bringing a child into the world just based on that. I think she'd be a fantastic big sister though, if possibly a little jealous although I hope I would deal with that well.

Sorry that was long. Would really appreciate the advice or if anyone was in my shoes. Just worried I'll regret not having a second in a few short years when its too late. Or what if I regretted having a second?!

OP posts:
scotscorner · 14/11/2025 13:14

I think lots of people struggle with the yearning for one more. It’s hard to accept you’re done, and there are obviously benefits to having two as you’ve described!

However, based on what you’ve said - your husband would see this as something you wanted and that would probably exacerbate his reluctance to help (‘you wanted this so you can deal with it’) when you’re both exhausted. That could definitely lead to resentment.

I have two, and always knew I wanted more than 1, so it wasn’t a tough decision, but I will confess that it’s been harder than I expected! Ultimately it’s your decision of course but I would err on the side of both parents needing to be very on board with any more children.

Mydogsmellslikewee · 14/11/2025 13:17

I couldn’t have coped with a small age gap either, mainly as I am lazy and impatient and christ, a baby and a toddler would have been a nightmare for me.

Mine are 23,12 and 5, so quite significant age gaps! (First at 22, last at 40).

Sillysoggyspaniel · 14/11/2025 13:18

In your situation I'd stick with the original plan. He definitely won't pull his weight for a child he didn't particularly want, and with a minimum six year age gap you'll be needing to take them to different places for activities as there won't be much overlap of interests between them.

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Leagueofus · 14/11/2025 13:19

Also, my husband while lovely and supportive can be lazy and selfish

being lovely and supportive when you’re in the mood to be - is not being loving and supportive.

Leagueofus · 14/11/2025 13:20

He can be lazy and selfish
you don’t trust how he’d be in the future

and

He doesnt particularly want a second child which I know is pretty much the answer, however, if it was extremely important to me I think he would.

it would be nothing short of reckless and in fact stupid to have a second

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