Now I know why soft play is the 7th circle of hell!

[Toddlerteaplease]

(Light hearted) Have always been happy to meet up with friends with children at soft play centres. Never understood why soft play was so awful. Until now!! At a fancy play centre/cade and it is absolute carnage! I’m stressed out just being here, and I can’t even play in the ball pool!

How have you not noticed this before? Is it your first time actually going rather than saying you will?

I’m confused. You’ve always offered and today was your first time experiencing it? Or is today’s soft play especially hellful?

I must be the only parent that doesn’t actually mind softplay😂 i avoid them on the weekend and go to one that sells decent coffee!

In the past I’ve usually gone to pub type soft play places. With big climbing frames and usually not to crowded.

This one is full of crying toddlers and pre schoolers. It’s absolute carnage!

Is this your first day on planet earth?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes, exactly this!

They’ve toasted my scone!

I’ve been loads of times. Never to this one and it is hell!! 🤣

Better than microwaving it surely?!

I don't mind our local one.

Since covid you have to book a 2 hour slot which always feels a pain in the arse on the day, but it keeps the carnage down 🤣

I'm really good at just not hearing child noise if it's nothing to do with me though.

I think not minding it and going without kids of your own are two entiiiirely different things.

I don't go a lot, but I actually like soft play. Everything is soft to sit on, I get to go on really big slides, and my son experiences PURE JOY hurtling into a ball pool (as do I).

Shout out to the Play Valley chain in south yorks, so clean and proper food too!

My favourite day to go was a Monday in summer when I had a migraine. It was so sunny that it was literally empty, just me and my son having a blast on the equipment.

I think there are two types of soft play people. The first type is those that will happily abandon their child to whatever filth, bullying and health and safety nightmares are in the play area because it means they can switch off to scroll on their phone or gossip with their mates. The second type is those that see it for what it is and care that their kid is safe and happy. (And treating other kids with kindness).

I only suffered it a couple of times. Couldn’t bear my young children being out of my sight in such a noisy chaotic environment.

I sometimes go with my nephew's partner with their kids and I actually prefer you get slots so it's not crazy.

I highly recommend using loop earplugs if you're sensitive to noise but want conversation. I can tolerate it a lot better without the excess of children screaming and bsckground noise. I am ND though so am sensitive to these things.

Soft play was invented when it was no longer safe for DC to roam the streets.

It's character building!! (luckily mine are too old these days)

You just have to find the nice ones...we have 2 in our town, I like the smaller but much cleaner and quieter one!

As PP said, you need to be selective. There is a soft play round us that operates on smaller numbers, is cleaned regularly and has nice food, it's slightly more expensive than other soft plays in the area, it's generally nice to go to.

I too love the play valley chains around south Yorkshire.

There is another soft play round us that is cheaper than all the others, doesn't restrict numbers, does party deals so always has at least 2 parties in whenever you go and is absolute carnage.

Also, the circle of hell differs depending on the weather and day of the week. Wet weekends Sept- May are usually the worst. There is almost always at least 1 party in, everyone ventures to soft play and so there are parties + walk ins. Wet half terms are also hell at soft play. Dry spring and summer days are usually more tolerable - unless it's 28+ degrees and the soft play advertises it has air con 😅.

Soft play. It’s grubby, full of awful people being massive twats, unbearably noisy, smells of baby shit & piss and yesterday’s burnt greasy toast crumbs, has the scent of stale milk and parental desperation hanging in the air, and I don’t like coffee.

And I’m required to pay money for this.

Whats the weather like? Cold, wet, windy? It means there's no where else therefore more people.

The only good bit about soft play is leaving the mess there and finding it less stressful to be at home with rampaging small
people.

How bizarre to meet your child-free friends at a soft play. I meet mine at a family pub or my home or even the park but not a soft play. That's no place for child-free adults.

Took grandchildren to local soft play at the weekend. One is 3 other is 8m so we were in the 0 to 3 section. There were so many older kids rampaging through it frightening the little ones.
A sign said "All children must be supervised " which obviously translates as sit on your arse playing on your phone while your kids cause mayhem

My idea of hell. We'd paid for an hour but only stayed for half.

I loved soft play when my ds was young. He played, I read my book and drank coffee. Then he was exhausted. Bliss.