Is my friend unreasonable for wanting quiet at night?

[warrenettie]

I am asking for a friend. Her partner does noisy hobbies in the living room late at night. It is clattery and loud and wakes her up. She works early and needs sleep.
She has asked him to move the hobby to daytime or at least finish earlier. He says nights are the only quiet time for him. She now lies awake, tired and stressed, and feels guilty for asking for peace.
Is it fair for her to ask that the house be calm after a certain hour? Or should she just accept it and buy earplugs? For what it’s worth, I think it’s a bit ridiculous. Nighttime should be for resting.

Unfortunately I live with someone who has autism and is up all night but my solution was a fan next to my bed as I find it soothing anyhow and sleep well with it on low and then don't hear all the noise lol

What a selfish man
ltb for me, or he finds somewhere else to do the hobby

I am ND with ADHD amongst other things and have always been nocturnal and worked nights.

I moved out of the family home at 17 because it wasn’t fair for me to keep others awake and was extremely quiet when I lived in shared houses then later lodgers when I owned my first house.

My DP also did nights alongside me for years but had just started a day job. I find it hard to remember to be quiet when I’m used to cooking or having a bath through the night but I do it out of love and respect.

Sleep is precious and so important for good mental health, if someone is happy to keep you awake knowing this then they don’t care about you at all.

My DP is also as quiet as a mouse during the day when he leaves for work despite it being during the day.

Some people just don’t understand others needs for sleep, I got sick to the back teeth of people calling me and waking me during the day when I’d been on nights. I’d get called lazy for being asleep at 1pm when I’d got into bed at 9am, I’m so grateful for iPhone do not disturb now where I can block everything except important calls.

I would honestly be prepared to leave a relationship over this, you would do it if someone was withholding food and starving you and you can live a lot longer without food than sleep.

Something to think about maybe?…

They should have an agreed cut-off time, so he’s quiet after 9pm or 10pm. Any later than this is unreasonable.

What’s wrong with earplugs? They’re a godsend for people who need their sleep/sleep lightly.

Sounds like a selfish bastard. What is the hobby, a train set?

Earplugs, white noise, melatonin and an eye mask or alternatively she leaves him for being selfish. I think they’re the only options.

personally, it would all depend on how they are tbd rest of the time and if it was worth the hassle.

Is the hobby clog dancing?

Let's see. They're uncomfortable and don't actually block all noise.

Plus why the fuck should she? Also unless they live in a detached house with good soundproofing on a large plot it won't just be her that he's disturbing.

He needs to keep the noise to sociable hours, although if it's that loud it will probably be disturbing her evening before bedtime too. What's the betting this is the tip of yet another selfish and inconsiderate man iceberg?

He should be more considerate, if I go to bed early and my dh is watching TV then he puts headphones on so he doesn't disturb me - your friend's partner is being selfish

There is a reason sleep deprivation is a torture method. He doesn’t live alone and it’s not acceptable to disturb people at night just because that’s when he fancies doing his hobby. He’s being a selfish ass.

Do they have a garden can he get one of them shed/office things to do his hobby

🤣

there is really good white noise on Spotify which drowns out other sounds, I have it on quite loudly. I suppose it’s difficult if vibrations are coming through walls though

It’s anti social and selfish. She shouldn’t have to use ear plugs or white noise.

I once lived with someone who thought it was fine to practise their violin at 4am.

Anyone who does anything noisy that disturbs their partner's sleep (assuming we're not talking 7pm here) is a selfish twat. If he refuses to compromise then he doesn't care about her and she needs to ask herself if she really sees a future with this man.

hhhhh🤣