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Original poster

Help please / advice

9 replies

OLiveonatr33e · 12/11/2025 21:10

Im so miserable with DH. He is horrid to me. Laughs at me when I cry. Calls me names puts me down.

We have a 4yo and a 2yo. The reason im staying is because I could not co parent with him. Hes a narcissist and im so scared what hed do. When weve argued hes already threatened me that he has more money than me and would take me to court and get the best lawyers and lie about me etc to get full custody

And it makes me physically sick. I do everything for our kids. Feed them. Bathe them. Play with them. Get them ready for the day and for bed. I soothe them in the night. When they fall over. When they have tantrums. It is all me.

As is the house work

I just am sat here crying he makes me feel worthless and so low. I wish I could take mt kids and leave but he is so horrid and petty he'd do what he threatened and I couldn't bear being apart from them even for a night

OP posts:
SheWantsToBeMe · 12/11/2025 21:14

He’s not making you happy. He adds nothing to your life. You’ll be happier without him. Make a plan to leave. Find a way. Do this before things get worse. You think you won’t cope but you will. You have a mother’s love and that’s strong. That will make you survive this and find a way out.

KhakiStork · 12/11/2025 21:14

I just saw your message and that no one had replied yet so I had to say something. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, it sounds awful. My only suggestion would be perhaps to talk to citizens advice or someone just so there’s a record of it if you did decide to leave and he did start lying about you. Even show them this post as early evidence. Good luck my dear x

starmoonsun · 12/11/2025 21:14

Sorry your in this situation but you need to be strong and leave. It will only get worse and it'll be harder to leave when the kids are older.

I think a lot of men like that say they'll fight for custody but when it comes to it they don't want the responsibility.

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Original poster
OLiveonatr33e · 12/11/2025 21:22

Hes so horrible and he just lies and goes "I was only joking stop being. A pyscho" the other week I was trying to get our youngest dressed and she hates it and kicks off he walks in and goes did you hit her

Never have i once ever laid a finger on my kids or would I ever. I was so baffled and I pulled him on it and he went im only joking calm down

He scares me and scares me as to what hed do if we went through custody arrangements

Even earlier made a comment how im so controlling never let him have the kids alone (is he surprised when he never does anything for their basic needs) and said i want practice as we'll eventually split up wont we

I feel sick I dont want to ever sent my kids to him even for a night

But there's no way id get full custody unless he backed off byt hes horrible and stubborn hed do it for a point to be made

OP posts:
Original poster
OLiveonatr33e · 12/11/2025 21:32

I dont know what to do i feel so down and alone

OP posts:
MrTumblesSpottyBoxers · 12/11/2025 21:38

Has he ever physically hurt you OP?

Regardless, you can't live like this. You must tell someone so that you can get the support in real life to help you get out of this. You owe it to your kids. I know you think the grass isn't greener, but you can get things in place legally to prevent him having that control over you/the kids in the manner that he's threatening. Keep a log of everything he does and says, take screenshots of messages, secretly audio record him, get what you need and then make plans to go. I guarantee you that men like him talk about going for full custody but they never do; If he can't be arsed to do basic parenting now, then he's definitely not going to lumber himself with 2 young kids full time. Call his bluff and leave him

Original poster
OLiveonatr33e · 12/11/2025 21:45

MrTumblesSpottyBoxers · 12/11/2025 21:38

Has he ever physically hurt you OP?

Regardless, you can't live like this. You must tell someone so that you can get the support in real life to help you get out of this. You owe it to your kids. I know you think the grass isn't greener, but you can get things in place legally to prevent him having that control over you/the kids in the manner that he's threatening. Keep a log of everything he does and says, take screenshots of messages, secretly audio record him, get what you need and then make plans to go. I guarantee you that men like him talk about going for full custody but they never do; If he can't be arsed to do basic parenting now, then he's definitely not going to lumber himself with 2 young kids full time. Call his bluff and leave him

Not physically no.

I tell my sister. She's my confidant. She weighs up and says my family will always support me i just need to do whats right for me and the kids.

Its hard because a small part of me hopes that he wouldnt bother. But he is so stubborn and mean he would do it just to prove a point

I wish it could just be me and my kids. We're like the 3 musketeers. Every night I do bed time in my bed us 3 get in and cuddle and they fall asleep and its so precious. Our days off together are the best. Theyre the best part of my life

OP posts:
Nickyknackered · 12/11/2025 21:52

He doesnt lift a finger for your children. There's no way he'd go for custody when he'd have to do everything. He's bullshitting to control you.

Original poster
OLiveonatr33e · 12/11/2025 22:04

Nickyknackered · 12/11/2025 21:52

He doesnt lift a finger for your children. There's no way he'd go for custody when he'd have to do everything. He's bullshitting to control you.

I hope this would be the case my worry is what if it isnt

He says he doesnt have them alone or do anything because I wont let him but

  1. when the kids cry at night and the monitors are on full volume. He doesnt hear them or move
  2. when our youngest needs a nappy change he never does it?
  3. he never does their meals or even thinks to
  4. he never dresses them or irons their clothes (he can't iron) he never picks out what they wear and I have to beg for him to help me out with clothing them. He never goes and picks them clothes

I dont stop him doing anything. I dont leave them alone with him becasue I know he couldn't cope and then hed be impatient and arsey with the kids which I wouldnt want

OP posts:
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