Not coping at work

[PithyMauveZebra]

Hi all,

Looking for some perspective. I work in education in a leadership role. It’s been full-on, but I’ve tried to keep everything together.

Recently I’ve been going through some pretty serious health investigations linked to thr c word. Investigation one had taken place. Theres now another in a few weeke, and the stress has been quite hard to manage. My line manager knows about it, but her manner has become increasingly sharp and critical in meetings. Today she wasnt happy some work I’d done, saying things like it “wasn’t good enough” and that I should be setting an example of good practice and what was produced doesnt show it. It wasn’t so much what she said, but how she said it — very forceful and personal and through gritted teeth.

I did try to stay calm, but I ended up saying that I’m under a lot of stress and can’t cope with being spoken to like that right now. I ended up in tears afterwards.

This isn’t the first time it’s happened — there’s been tension before — and I’m starting to think I can’t be line managed by her anymore. My union have suggested I ask for an Occupational Health referral, but I’m also considering speaking to her manager about the situation but have been told that is an automatic grievance.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do I raise this without it sounding like a personal clash, and make sure it’s handled professionally?

Thanks — I feel really out of my depth and could use some advice from people who’ve navigated similar issies before.

Use your union. Is it NEU? They are v good. Approach the trust HR lead. I'm jn education too , you need support and your LM isn't giving it correctly

I mean this kindly - are you sure you’re currently well enough to be working in your normal role in your normal capacity?

It would be very common not to be in your situation.

You say your manager is aware of the situation, but you also have some responsibility. As a professional, it’s generally expected that if you say you’re fit to work, then you’re fit to do your job properly. If you’re not, then you make that known and go through the relevant sickness / occupational health channels.

For a lot of good reasons, it sounds like you might not be getting that line right at the moment. That will be incredibly frustrating for your line manager. Before raising complaints about her behaviour, it’s important to reflect on your own.

It might be that albeit in a badly executed way, she’s highlighted a very valid issue that you’re not currently handling appropriately. Some reflection on whether you’ve got the head space to work normally at the moment, followed by a planned chat with her on how to manage any reduction in your capacity might be in order.

I would definitely go down the Occupational Health route rather than grievance. You need support, not additional stress right now. You need to keep things in perspective imo. Health and life are most important treasures.

Your manager knows you have some serious medical issues yet berates you about your work? File a grievance.

Naswt. Are they no good? I’m a bit worried.

With kindness you said yourself your not coping
your works not up to par and no doubt is causing issues for line manager

you definitely need to ask for OHS referral about adjustments to your work

I admitted there was an issue with one element of work. However, it was the tone through gritted teeth that made me feel worse

Do I just ask her to provide me with the contact info for occy health?

See, I took responsibility and accepted it was me. That’s fine. I know it was wrong and I’ll happily admit that for the purposes of reflection. But it’s the delivery. Through anger and aggression towards me

OP, I work in education too (secondary school) and management in the sector is often poor. Good teachers don't always make good managers and often it's the worst teachers who have the time to climb the greasy pole anyway, so you end up with a lot of mediocre people with poor people skills who can't remember what it's like to have a full teaching timetable and make totally unreasonable demands on colleagues. So I get it.

I also understand - as other posters may not - how incredibly difficult it can be to take time off in teaching. The guilt of leaving the students, the lack of suitable cover or supply to take lessons, the burden you know this will create on colleagues - all conspire to keep us in school when we should be at home.

While your stress may be making it difficult for you to be operating at full capacity right now, there's no excuse for your line manager's lack of support and empathy. She knows the situation and it's her job to support you. Rather than criticising you for work that's 'not good enough' she should be saying - 'I've noticed this isn't up to your usual standard and I'm concerned you're struggling. I know things are hard for you right now - how can I better support you to cope?'.

In your circumstances, I would bypass your line manager and go directly to your Headteacher. They need to know your health situation and that you need support - it is their duty of care to you as your employer. Your HT will probably want to refer you on to OH - you can self refer but managerial referral is the usual route in order to formalise the reasonable adjustments process. I would ask the Headteacher to speak to your line manager on your behalf to let them know that you need additional support right now.

I would not complain to the Headteacher about your line manager - things like her being 'sharp' or 'critical' are subjective and if these were 1-1s, you have no evidence from anyone else that her tone was inappropriate. I would keep it about workload - you recognise you can't keep on top of everything, you need some reasonable adjustments, can the HT please speak to your line manager and arrange an OH referral.

The union would advise this approach too (I used to be a union rep). The first port of call should always be to resolve and de-escalate yourself without getting the union involved. For many schools, union involvement is like a red rag to a bull so it's always best to try and resolve issues amicably before you call in the cavalry. I also see no reason for union involvement at this stage.

Gritted teeth is more commonly frustration than aggression.

Start with a calm discussion about how you’re not coping and what is next step - GP fit note or occupational health assessment.

Some employers need the GP note or sickness abscence before they can start their occ health referral process.

It’s just pure aggression with this person.

Thank you for your response. It is helpful. As I have never done this before, how do I discuss with my head teacher that I will require a referral?

Glad I could help. I also should have said I'm really sorry for what you're going through. It sounds really hard and worrying and I'm sending you a hug. When you think of how much you put into your workplace, the least you should expect is some support when life throws you a curveball, and it's so upsetting when people are heartless.

Make an appointment to see your HT and tell them that you are having investigations for cancer and you are struggling with your mental health as a result. This is causing you to have problems concentrating and giving your best to your work. As such, you would like a referral to OH and you think you may need some temporary reasonable adjustments to enable you to keep working while you go through this challenging period.

Your HT will have done this process many times and will be able to guide you through it. You will need to provide medical evidence to OH to get reasonable adjustments, but you don't need to tell your HT all the ins and outs if you don't want to. OH will assess you and your evidence and then make recommendations to your HT, who will then ask your line manager to put them in place for you.

Good luck with it and I very much hope it turns out your condition is something very treatable and non-serious.

Touch wood, yes. I hope so. It’s a scary word. I dislike it. They’ve tried to reassure me however it doesn’t detract from the rigmarole and process that I have to go through regardless. I have all my letters that are letterheaded with the urgent referral request. I have put them on the system already. Initially manager was supportive but today the tone just made me feel defensive and backed into a corner. If you say “x isn’t so great. Let’s see what we can do together” I would not react. However by saying I should be doing better or that this isn’t proof of good work makes me feel very berated unnecessarily which did lead me to snap.

I ultimately need to do what’s best for my health now. Mentally and physically as this job, as I’m sure you are aware, is both mentally and physically challenging. I hate to sound stupid but my line manager won’t think im going above them will they? Can I request the information about the referral via email? I just wonder, I’m not up for having the conversation again.

I've had this in the past with a manager over a very minor mistake and I took it on the chin at the time and then I went back to them on it the next day and was very clear that I have no issue being held accountable if I've made a mistake and I'll own my part in anything I do but equally I won't tolerate being spoken to in the way she had spoken to me and while I would make every effort to ensure future mistakes didn't happen I would appreciate it if she came to me with a different approach if she ever needed to raise things in future. It escalated into her shouting again and I went to her senior who told her to apologise and i considered it dealt with. It didn't happen again after that and we carried on as normal. I personally would always go directly to the individual you have the issue with first if you can rather than going above them and then minute it. Obviously unless you know the person has form for lying or similar. If it was a repeat pattern then I'd have no issue using my union to help with a grievance. I think there's an insane amount of stress in education at the minute and people aren't handling that as well as they could.

Do you have an HR person?

Or someone who deals with HR type issues. That would be an alternative route for a ‘how do we approach my capacity and capability being reduced by a current health issue’.

Yeah we have HR

I wouldn't go to HR.

I would just go and speak to your HT. It's not going over your line manager's head. The HT is responsible for the staffing of the school and all their teachers' wellbeing. Your line manager already knows the situation. You're going to the HT to discuss your workload and a referral to OH. In my school, for most major employment issues like that, we would all go and meet with the HT directly. Our line managers (HoDs) would know about it, but the expectation would be that we would go and have a conversation with the HT directly. It's just like if you want to go PT - you don't speak to your line manager - you go to the HT, because line managers can't authorise that kind of thing.

Going to HR implies you have an issue with your employer. The HT would rightly wonder why you hadn't gone to speak to them first.

It is courtesy to go and talk to your HT and let them help you.

Only if you get nowhere with the HT, would you go to HR. For example if the HT refused to put in place reasonable adjustments as recommended by OH - you'd go to HR. But the initial conversation should be with the HT.

You absolutely should put your health first. You may want to even consider getting signed off for a while. Have you discussed your mental health with your GP?

Most companies allow employees to self-refer. You can look up OH email address or number in Sickness policy. Your manager also has the authority to make a referral.

Whatever you disclose to OH doctor remains your private information. OH should not be releasing any reports without your written consent. Please make sure you tell OH you want to see the report prior to its release. You can request changes to the report and decline its release altogether.

Prior to OH appointment think carefully what adjustments you might find useful. This would help you to brainstorm ideas with the OH during the appointment.

Under Equality Act of 2010 it is unlawful to discriminate against a disabled employee. It does not need to be a permanent disability. OH doctor will be able to advise whether the mental anguish you are currently suffering would count as grounds for making reasonable adjustments. I believe it would, however I am not a doctor.

The employer is under no legal obligation to make reasonable adjustments unless they are aware the adjustments are needed. (This could be become very relevant if you ever need to go the Employment Tribunal, fingers crossed you will not).

I think you should go to OH rather than raisig a grievance. Should you condition trigger protection under the Equality Act it will be a very strong defence should your employer turn really nasty. A whiff of the Employment Tribunal case under the Equality Act usually brings out a lot of sense.

I hope it helps. Do you have access to your workplace counselling service? Please do contact them. Sending hugs

PS: please be mindful most HR managers are there to protect the employer, not the employee. Your Union is your support. You might want to start communicating with them via your personal account as your school account belongs to school. Also keep the contemporaneous diary of every incident and copy important emails etc to your private account. No one knows what's around the corner and it's best to be prepared. Just on a small chance there is something else going on.

I am sending you a good guide, the link below. You can request reasonable adjustments even if you do not qualify for protection under the Equality Act.

Please read the guide and discuss it with your Union rep and OH doctor.

Should your employer turn nasty, being disabled (even temporarily) is a much stronger defence against unfair treatment.

www.unison.org.uk/content/uploads/2023/05/Proving-disability-and-reasonable-adjustments-T-Lewis.pdf