Find friendships harder to maintain after having kids

[NourWu]

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different friendships feel since having kids. Before, it was so easy to keep in touch — spontaneous coffees, long chats, weekend plans. Now it feels like everything needs to be scheduled weeks in advance, and even then someone usually cancels because life just gets in the way (often me, if I’m honest).
What I didn’t expect was how much effort it would take to stay connected. I still love my friends dearly, but between work, kids, and general exhaustion, there’s just not much left in the tank for long messages or meetups. Sometimes I worry they’ll think I don’t care anymore, but really, I’m just drained.
I also find some old friendships have drifted because our lives are in such different places now — like we’ve run out of shared ground for the time being. It makes me a bit sad, but I don’t quite know how to fix it.

In the same boat here! My DS (oldest) has CP so needs a lot of help.so couldn't meet friends at parks/soft plays as i would constantly need to be with my child and never got to speak to my Friends and with life its just too much and dont see my friends that's often. And now I have 2 its impossible to reply to messages, have friends over, go out etc.

Im hoping that once my kids are older my social life will return but I'm afraid that I will be too distant from old friends by then xx

It’s so much harder to keep friendships going once kids come along. Everyone’s just tired and stretched thin, and even when you finally find time to meet, someone’s always sick or something comes up. I’ve found that friendships that can survive the quiet patches are the ones that really stick.

No, I didn’t find it hard at all. I went out with my childless friends once a week and met up with other friends regularly. I’m still friends with them.

I'd message or phone and have a chat sometime to explain you still value their friendship, but how you feel, ie drained. That way, they'll understand a bit more what's happening for you.

I know you're tired, but do you have a partner/DH who could have DC a couple of times a month, so you can either plan a coffee or evening out - that way childcare is sorted.

I have lost touch with a couple of my original friends and now see less of my main friend since we had children (20+ years ago). I think it's partly down to the things you explained, also you have different priorities - however, we are still true friends. The one positive thing is positive is that I have since found what I consider to be five friends who are fantastic and I've no reason to believe that we won't be lifetime friends.

I’m honestly a bit jealous of that kind of friendship. My friends and I hardly get to see each other these days; everyone’s so caught up with work, kids, and just general life stuff. We still chat here and there, but it’s nowhere near as easy as it used to be.