Should I talk to school/the parents about my son's injury at school

[Ying288]

Hi fellow mums at Mumsnet,

My son (9) recently had a finger fracture at school while playing on the carpet. Another child was jumping on his knees on the floor and accidentally went on his finger. Unfortunately due the location of the fracture, the consultants at the hospital said he would need surgery (we were initially told he would need surgery, waited half a day at emergency operations only to be told incorrectly that he didn't need surgery and sent home, and then called a week later to come to the hospital for surgery). The surgery was done last week and we were told by the consultant that there is a small chance that even after the surgery, his finger will still not grow properly and he will need another surgery in the future...

My son told me that after he returned to school, he tried to show the other kid what happened to him but due to language barrier the other kid didn't react at all. It's likely that he and his parents had no idea what happened to my son. I guess my question is, should I talk to school and/or the parents about the incident? His class teacher obviously knew what happened but I'm not sure anyone else did. I'm hesistant to tell school as I'm not sure what I'd achieve by telling them. It was clearly an accident. At the same time, it's not a good feeling to have an incident happened that has had a big impact on my son's school attendance/progress, possible abnormal finger growth in the future, and my time taken off work (six hospital visits already), and the other party is not even aware of it.

I'm looking for advice on what I should do. Thanks.

You should inform the school that the injury required surgery so they can add it to their accident form.

Not sure why you want a reaction from the other child and his parents though?

Horrible for your ds and for you. But I think you’ve answered your own question really. What would this achieve? It was an accident. How would the parents being informed now change the outcome of the accident then?

Sorry yes, I’d assumed that the school know that he needed an op?

So you want to speak to the parents and school because a 9 year old doesn't feel guilty enough for his role in what you acknowledge was an accident?

I think you need to step back and accept sometimes things happen and absolutely nothing will change regarding your child if you go in with the singular intention of making this child who doesn't really understand the situation feel more remorseful.

I guess I just want them to know what happened. When my son was sent home from school at day, nobody knew he had a fracture. They all thought it was just a wound where his finger nail was lifted from the nail bed. So the kid only knew that there was a wound, but didn't know about the fracture and surgery.

I agree and that's why I've been asking myself. I've talked to two fellow mums at school whom I'm friends with, they both thought I should inform school and school should let the other child and his parents know so that the child can be more careful in the future.

At the school where I work, the other parents would have been informed. It’s fine to ask for a meeting with the class teacher to make sure that an accident report was completed and to ensure the other parents know. There’s nothing can be done, it’s an accident but there should be reporting procedures /records in place.

I've only talked to his class teacher about this. I don't know if the school knows.

Do not contact the other parents! As tempting as it is, it never ends well.

Do let school know - it will affect the way they need to report the accident.

I hope your son's finger heals well.

The child will have been told to be more careful at the time. It was an accident, and accidents happen wherever there are 30 kids in a small space.

I'm not sure what you will get now from the parents knowing what happened? I think you should let that go.

If you aren't sure that the school knows about the accident then email them about the original incident and the outcome.

It was an accident. Just leave it.

School will want to know if a child has a broken finger regardless of how or where it happened so that they can make the appropriate accommodations, so for that reason alone you should tell them. I don’t see why you’d be hesitant to tell them how it happened. There’s not much they can do though, it was an accident, and it would be pointless to talk to the parents.

Presuming the other child didn’t deliberately stamp on his finger then I’m not quite sure what you’re hoping will happen.
He will have been spoken to. But this happened several days ago? Accidents happen sometimes when lots of young people are all together.

If you have told the class teacher then essentially you have told the school so they do know. If your dc had to have time off for an op surely you would written a note/provided proof for absence (maybe different in other schools but I had to do that when taking my dc out of school) which means the school staff who need to know do indeed know. What happens beyond that regarding the other child and their parents you may never get to find out.

I can feel your itchiness to vent and be heard and I totally understand it. I think it's fine to meet with the teacher to talk through what happened in a non-blaming way. It was a serious incident. You don't need to be looking for an outcome from that meeting.
It's not okay to talk to the parents or even the child though, it's not his fault and it will just look like you are seeking an apology or for them to feel guilty even when there's no cause.

Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies. I'll have sit on this tonight, but I'm feeling more ready to just let it go and only talk to the class teacher.

When did this happen?

I’m surprised the headteacher hasn’t been in contact with you.

Presumably you've told the school your son required an operation due to the accident at school? They'd need to know why he's off school due to attendance and once back into school they may need to make adjustments, whilst he heals. I'd have thought the parents of the other child would have been told about the incident and the boy would have been told to be more careful. I doubt very much the other parents have been told your son had a fracture, let alone it needed an operation, because that information is confidential. If you want the parents to know what has happened to your son, then you need to give the school permission to disclose the information to them. If there's a language barrier, and depending on the age of the other child, then no, he might not have shown concern - likely because the boy didn't understand. Do the parents speak English? If not, then it's possible the school would have issues explaining exactly what injuries your son has, and them understanding. Staff don't tell the other children, why a child is off school and neither would they tell parents, it's no one else's business and confidential. I'm off work at the moment with a fractured foot, and I work in a school (non-teaching role) but I know my Year 3 and 4 children will wonder where I am, so I've given my Headteacher permission to disclose to the children that I'm off due to an injured foot.

Yiu need to inform the school regarding the surgery and anything he may need

they can also change how they do carpet time

BUT both children need to be aware of messing around in the carpet

I think you don't need to do any more than you have. If the school felt the child was behaving inappropriately on the carpet that's for them to address.

Hi thanks everyone. I've given it some thought and I won't tell the parents about it. However, I've just realised that I've never been given a clear/correct explanation of the incident by the school. When I was called to pick up my son from school, I was told by the receptionist that a kid accidentally kicked his hand and he had a big wound below his nail bed. However, on the way home my son told me that it was caused by a kid jumping on his knees on the carpet. His story has been confirmed by a classmate at school.

When the incident happened, the teacher and staff were setting up a school party. My son said he was excited and was invited to play by a friend on the carpet. I assumed the kids were given free time to play while the staff was preparing for the party. He said he was playing with his friend when another kid rolled over my son's hand with his knee while jumping on the carpet.

In reply to Tiswa's comment. I'm not sure any kids were messing around on the carpet. I wasn't there in person. Maybe they were all playing normally and it was just an accident. It was also possible that the behavior of the other kid wasn't addressed at the time (if it needed to be addressed) because the teacher probably didn't see it and the kid doesn't speak much English.

At no time did the school followed up with us on the incident. My husband did leave a voicemail (the standard practice for reporting absences) saying that my son had a fracture and was at the hospital. I'm not sure the receptionist did anyting with that information other than to record his absences?

I spoke briefly with the class teacher the day before the operation to tell her about the upcoming operation and to ask her how my son did at school (it was his first day back after the fracture). That was my only contact with the school after the incident.

@Ying288 they should be in touch and it has nothing to do with the other child

they should both be doing a safeguarding investigation and assessment. They may well be

but also you need to discuss any adjustments your child needs regarding PE/breaks etc. DD when she sprained her ankle we were allowed to take her in via reception for example. DS when he had stitches in his knee wore joggers etc

Just ask for a meeting with the teacher - you can then explain your perspective and she can explain hers/the school’s. It’s fine to expect to discuss this.