Any funny toddler stories to cheer up a burnt out single mum?

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I've had a rough week with my lovely 3 yr old. Adore him but I am exhausted and burnt out from making sure he hasn't done himself or anyone else some serious damage! Has anyone got any funny toddler stories to share?

I am hoping that I look back on these days and just laugh.

Have that many from when mine were little I wouldn’t know where to start, from rolling eggs along the kitchen floor to trapping willies in toilet seat!

Toddler is sat eating a sandwich and sees a friend's cake
Toddler: I want some cake!
Me: that's friend's cake. You've got a sandwich.
Toddler: but I've got two hands! Waves them to show her stupid mother that there is zero reason I shouldn't mug friend and give her the cake

Not toddler but…

my child once went into school, and when his teacher asked him “how are you” he said “I had rum for breakfast!”

I had to reassure the teacher that he was being a pirate and in fact had had porridge.

Reminds me of when we had an interview with a Primary Headteacher and DD piped up that "mummy bleeds for whole 4 days in every month you know and it started last night!". Credit to the Head she just raised her eyebrows and said "Gosh that IS interesting, can you tell the time yet?". I hadn't realised being part of the school was going to include them knowing my cycle...

When my 4y goes to the toilet my 22m has to follow and relay the play by play to me:
Havoc: I'm going poo!
Baby: Havoc going poo, mummy!
Havoc: Help me, mummy!
Baby: Help Havoc! Havoc going poo!

I have toddler twin boys. At their friends birthday party a few weeks ago (at a house so not overly packed with people- everyone could hear!) one of the twins declared “I need a wee!”. So I got up to take him to the toilet and he then followed up with “Mummy you don’t have a Willy but you have lots of hair there!” In front of a room of parents, a magician, and children.

Im a single mum too- utterly burnt out so I try and find the joy in the utter humiliation!

My two year old can’t say the word ‘peanut’ and asks for ‘penis butter’ on his toast

This was actually me about 40 years ago: having presumably been told about table manners, in a pretty quiet cafe with my mum, I announced in a loud, shrill voice “mummy that lady over there in the green coat is eating with her mouth open!”. 🙈😂

Hahah! Having lots of laughs here! Thanks all x

Omg 😂😂 This is hilarious.

Out with friends and their toddler
Friend; are you going to drink your juice?
Toddler: it's too cold

Guess who then played with ice?

My two year old thanked a rainbow today.

When mine were about 4 and 2 they struggled a bit with turn taking and sharing and I felt like I was continually refereeing arguments.

One night in the bath they started beautifully, cooperatively, supportively with brilliant communication….. taking it in turns to lick each other.

No parenting book had prepared me for the dilemma of choosing between praising the beautiful turn taking, or telling off for the licking.

It's nearly time to celebrate the anniversary of my nephew having a tantrum that involved him halting the entire Christmas parade of Santa and his sleigh through the town centre, by lying down in the road and thrashing about so much it took my DSIL about ten minutes to scoop him up safely....

My DC are late 20s now (yay, it is possible to survive them as a single mum!) but here are a couple of memories for you to laugh at...

Eldest DC had a toy broom. He did a great job of sweeping up a load of pee and wee up and down my hall whilst potty training. I think that was the only time he did clear up.

Same DC - being asked 'for a word in private' by his nursery teacher when collecting him at the end of the session. He was about 3. The conversation went along the lines of...

This is a bit awkward, DinoLil, not sure how to put this.

Oh, just tell me as it is, Nursery Teacher.

Well, Mini Dino has been telling everyone that you meet men for money.

It's not like it sounds, I'm setting up a business and I have to go to a lot of networking meetings.

The poor woman's eyebrows shot off her head, I just smiled and waved. They gritted their teeth when I enrolled Mini Dino #2!

My DH was out with 2 year old today and had to make an emergency toilet run for himself.

She caught sight of his private are. Since then DD has been incessantly asking ‘why daddy has a poopoo’ and telling him to go toilet. We went for dinner tonight and she also told the waiter ‘daddy has a big poopoo here’ and patted at her front.

The poor 16/17 year old waiter had no idea what to say.

Has she never seen him naked before? My two year old loves discussing who has a willy and who doesn't...