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Original poster

Former single mums, did you go on to meet someone lovely and have any more DC? Looking for some hope

20 replies

Lkjhgff · 09/11/2025 18:52

I have recently split from my husband, we have a very young child together and only married a year before they came along. He became manipulative and controlling and months on I found out he had been seeing a woman from work (ironically another single mum to a young child) for a long time behind my back while I was at home on maternity leave with our baby. Dating is not on my radar at all for some time but longer term I’d love to have more children and the family unit I always pictured. If you’ve ever been a single mum, did you meet anyone else and have more children? How long from separating from DC1 dad until meeting them? Are you still together?

Just looking for stories of hope! I know the situation can’t be that unusual but I don’t personally know any other single mums, certainly not to such a young child and I am the only of my mum friends to not be with their child’s dad.

OP posts:
Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 09/11/2025 18:55

@Lkjhgff , my younger son is married to a lovely woman who had a daughter before they got together. They have two more daughters now and he has since adopted my DIL’s first little girl. We have three beautiful granddaughters who are all very much and equally loved. I hope that helps. Xx

Original poster
Lkjhgff · 09/11/2025 18:56

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 09/11/2025 18:55

@Lkjhgff , my younger son is married to a lovely woman who had a daughter before they got together. They have two more daughters now and he has since adopted my DIL’s first little girl. We have three beautiful granddaughters who are all very much and equally loved. I hope that helps. Xx

Edited

Aww that’s so lovely. Was his stepdaughter quite young when they got together? It gives me hope!

OP posts:
Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 09/11/2025 18:59

I was a sp for 4yrs after the death of my dc dad. Wasn't looking and met the most amazing older man. We have been together 15yrs and have now fostered a wee one together.
So yes you can go on to meet an amazing partner, just be v picky and take your time.
We dated for a year before my youngest caught me getting dropped off 😂.
Ps my dc love him v much

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Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 09/11/2025 19:00

Lkjhgff · 09/11/2025 18:56

Aww that’s so lovely. Was his stepdaughter quite young when they got together? It gives me hope!

Show quote history

@Lkjhgff , yes she was only 6 months old. Good men are out there I promise. When my son was asked by the social worker why he wanted to adopt his then step daughter he replied that he wanted to give to her the same (legal) commitment that he had given to her mother when he married her. I can’t tell you how proud I was of him for that. ☺️

SardinesOnGingerbread · 09/11/2025 19:01

I met my husband when my eldest son was 18 months. I still lived with my ex as we had agreed to separate but to live together to co parent and save on costs while there was no one else in the picture for either of us. We continued living together while I dated my now husband for a year, then decided to sell the house and go out separate ways. Unorthodox I know, but it worked for us all, including allowing both men to get to know each other a little which felt important with a child involved. My now husband and I married about three year later, and we had two children quickly after that, so I have 4.5 year age gaps x 2 . We're together 25 years on. I didn't known what I wanted until my first marriage, and I'm certainly a better wife for having 'failed' at my first marriage (2 years long but we were aware it was on it's way out after a year). I was very young and I didn't work at it or support my first husband. He was very young and didn't support me and wasn't very kind or present. We needed different people.

Both he and I both remarried happily and had more children. We're both still married to our next partners all these years on. It happens. Good luck.

TheIceBear · 09/11/2025 19:01

Personally I don’t but all 3 of my friends who were single mums went on to meet someone else. Two had more children with their new partner and eventually married their new partner. One didn’t have more children but is still with their new partner and he doesn’t have any children of his own.

100thbillionthnamechange101 · 09/11/2025 19:04

I know both, women who have gone on to have another relationship/child and be happy and women who have gone onto having another relationship/child and being unhappy.

I think it really matters how much you love yourself before entering a relationship. And how able at spotting signs of potential abuse.

Just from you saying that about the family unit you've pictured, I know it's a vulnerable position to be in ( I've been a completely single mum since my ds was 8 months old and he's now almost 9 ) but I wouldn't let theat family unit image you have be your drive for a relationship. I hate to day it but some men can sense it and use it to their advantage. I think you have to tread very careful once you've been in a shitty relationship ship and have a child ( speaking from experience )

I also have a friend who is in a happy relationship and they all spend family time together and her children are/were teenagers when they met. She had been in a string of abusive relationships until she had a gap of around 3 years amd started working on her self esteem

Mrspostitnote · 09/11/2025 19:08

My daughter was 2 when I split from her dad first class arsehole not all been rosie but that daughter is coming back to the fold on Wednesday after working in Australia for a year not all been plain sailing but her stepdad been married 30 years loves her to bits and she him xx

Rtmhwales · 09/11/2025 19:13

Me! I met a lovely man who helps out properly in the house, is an equal parent, and adores me to the ends of the earth. He loves my DS like his own, and we have two daughters together as well. It all worked out so much better than I expected.

Carrotsingravy · 09/11/2025 19:13

I was a single mum to DS1 since he was born. I met DH when DS1 was 8 and we got married 6 years later. We have had 2 more dcs and have been happily married for 13 years now. DH had no dcs of his own when we met, and has never had an issue about household income being combined and spent on our whole family including DC1. He did not adopt DC1 though, my understanding was that it's not common to do that in the UK.

I dated and meet other men before I met DH, I wasn't a nun for those years! But none of them were quite right for the long term and they never met DS1. Agree with pp, be picky, and if your dc is a girl, be extremely cautious.

Summerbean · 09/11/2025 19:23

Sending hugs. Many years ago I was in your situation with two children, the youngest only 10 months old. Ex had cheated many times, I had enough and we split. My self esteem was on the floor but after a couple of months I started to chat to a nice dad on the school run for my older child. I found out he was separated from his wife who had cheated on him. We moved in together after a few months and had a baby together the following year, got married and twenty five years later are still together. He is my rock and life is good. He is a great dad to all our children. I realise I/we were lucky but there are some lovely people out there. You just have to meet the right one.

Original poster
Lkjhgff · 09/11/2025 19:38

100thbillionthnamechange101 · 09/11/2025 19:04

I know both, women who have gone on to have another relationship/child and be happy and women who have gone onto having another relationship/child and being unhappy.

I think it really matters how much you love yourself before entering a relationship. And how able at spotting signs of potential abuse.

Just from you saying that about the family unit you've pictured, I know it's a vulnerable position to be in ( I've been a completely single mum since my ds was 8 months old and he's now almost 9 ) but I wouldn't let theat family unit image you have be your drive for a relationship. I hate to day it but some men can sense it and use it to their advantage. I think you have to tread very careful once you've been in a shitty relationship ship and have a child ( speaking from experience )

I also have a friend who is in a happy relationship and they all spend family time together and her children are/were teenagers when they met. She had been in a string of abusive relationships until she had a gap of around 3 years amd started working on her self esteem

Very wise point. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Lkjhgff · 09/11/2025 19:47

SardinesOnGingerbread · 09/11/2025 19:01

I met my husband when my eldest son was 18 months. I still lived with my ex as we had agreed to separate but to live together to co parent and save on costs while there was no one else in the picture for either of us. We continued living together while I dated my now husband for a year, then decided to sell the house and go out separate ways. Unorthodox I know, but it worked for us all, including allowing both men to get to know each other a little which felt important with a child involved. My now husband and I married about three year later, and we had two children quickly after that, so I have 4.5 year age gaps x 2 . We're together 25 years on. I didn't known what I wanted until my first marriage, and I'm certainly a better wife for having 'failed' at my first marriage (2 years long but we were aware it was on it's way out after a year). I was very young and I didn't work at it or support my first husband. He was very young and didn't support me and wasn't very kind or present. We needed different people.

Both he and I both remarried happily and had more children. We're both still married to our next partners all these years on. It happens. Good luck.

That’s lovely, thank you for sharing.

OP posts:
FastTurtle · 09/11/2025 20:11

I was a single DM, when my DS was 6 I met my now DH of 30 years, we married a year later and I had 2 more DC two and three years after that.

starrynight009 · 09/11/2025 20:13

Two weeks ago I got engaged to my new partner. We've been together for 5 years. So yes, it is possible. We aren't having any children together but that's because we met when I was 40, he was 47 and we already had 4 children between us, although his 3 are young men now. If we were younger, I would have considered it.

I have a friend who was a younger single mum with 1 DC and she's now married, they went on to have 2 children together. They're all very happy.

I agree with the advice to find your self-esteem and confidence again first. Take your time and be fussy. I personally liked the fact my partner had older children as I could see what sort of a relationship he had with them and what sort of a father he was.

BertieBotts · 09/11/2025 20:17

Yes! We knew each other before I even got tigether with XP but got back in touch. We got together about a year after the split. Now married nearly 12 years, have 2 more DC together (10 year gap from DC1).

In hindsight I was lucky, I think I agree with other posters saying be careful and learn about abuse before you settle in with someone else. DH is not abusive but if he had been I don't think I would have been in the best place to spot it.

I recommend the Lundy Bancroft book. There also used to be a brilliant thread on here - one about emotional abuse, and one about NPD. I no longer think my ex actually has a personality disorder but it was an extremely useful thread to compare experiences of this very same narcissistic behaviour.

trayceeeee · 09/11/2025 20:19

I tried, gave up, and am now grateful that I did.

PractisingMyTelekenipsis · 09/11/2025 20:20

No, but I seem to be the more unusual one along my single parent friends.

PlummyDog · 09/11/2025 20:23

Yes. He is the best thing that ever happened to us. He is the best man in the world and had made our lives so rich and wonderful.
I loathe when people think you should be doomed to a life of loneliness and isolation because you had a baby with the wrong man!

Original poster
Lkjhgff · 14/11/2025 18:50

Just bumping this for more stories!

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