Ready to try again after miscarriage husband isn’t

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When I met my husband we agreed we both wanted more than 1 child close in age. We both have siblings close in age. We now have a 1 year old and the adjustment was a bit of a shock to my husband. He decided he would like to wait to try for baby number 2 until he was at least 2. I was a little heartbroken but he had his reasons and I wasn’t going to force him. We then had a little happy accident and I became pregnant both shocked but I wasn’t so excited felt I was having the perfect age gap. Sadly pregnancy hasn’t worked out and I’m currently having a miscarriage. My husband still wants to wait I think but since being pregnant I can’t imagine anything else I’m so upset at the thought of having to wait. I’m not sure how I’m going to wait 10 months to start trying again. I need to have a proper chat with him once I’m better currently in a lot of pain so not really thinking straight. It just feels like an awful joke I’m so upset so maybe not thinking straight.

I'm really sorry to hear that OP. I think it's a bad idea to make any decisions yet, at such an emotional time. Focus on working together to get through the next few weeks, then see how you both feel, once you've had a chance to recover and process this.

Thank you I know I should wait to decide I’ve just put him first for the least year desperately wanting another baby and it’s like a cruel joke now.

I’ve ordered some fertility tests already not sure why

I would suggest gently OP that you have a read of the many, many threads about families struggling because a parent is finding it hard to cope with two close together children. BOTH parents need to be 100% on board with having a baby, it’s a massive thing and he is clearly telling you he wants to wait. Forcing his hand may not end well and for the sake of a year is it worth it?

As someone who is also currently experiencing a missed miscarriage right now.
Wait. Your hormones are all over the joint right now and you are grieving the loss of what was to come.

In a couple of months, sure have the discussion but for the moment you just need to take a breath and ride out what you are experiencing and heal from this first

I could have written this after my miscarriage- I wanted to try again immediately the cycle after my miscarriage, DH wasn’t ready. In hindsight it was better that we waited a little to have a break from it all, we had a lovely last minute holiday with our eldest and just relaxed for a bit. Ended up pregnant month 5 after the miscarriage which felt like the right time, we were both emotionally ready.
I would take some time and don’t make any big decisions now, just focus on getting over this first. Enjoy Christmas with your eldest and don’t think about a new baby until the new year at least.

Unfortunately you do both need to be ready for another baby and if your DH is still wanting to wait then I think you have to respect that.
We had agreed on a 3 year gap but with everything ended up with 3 years 9 months, but actually for lots of reasons it has been a lovely age gap, sometimes you can’t plan everything.

How much of an "accident" was the accident?

We hadn’t done the deed in months it happened once we weren’t careful in the heat of the moment. The app told me I wasn’t fertile I was clearly. We had a miscarriage last time before our first but 2 weeks later where pregnant again. I don’t want to pressure him and I never will just feel gutted for myself and that’s ok

OP, gently, you need to slow down.

you already have a small child as it is.
why can't you enjoy your little one for now and wait? Your husband isn't unreasonable to want to wait. Your child is still very small. I think to label him as a cruel joke isn't very fair at all.

enjoy the child you have for now, that's what you should be concentrating on. Adding this pressure to immediately try after a miscarriage with having a little one already too, is too much.
your emotions are probably heightened too at the moment but really, just slow down, enjoy your small DC and come back to it in a year. Don't obsess over 'perfect age gaps.'

@HeyGuysItsNicolei didn’t label him a cruel joke just the situation

Well the situation is you have a very young child and you've sadly had a miscarriage. And he wants to wait TTC, I don't think that in itself is a cruel joke. Your emotions are heightened understandably at the moment but you don't need to rush. Surely you can enjoy your young DC for a while without the urge to have another so quickly? The young years go by so fast.

Of course it's okay to feel like this. But expressing this as a cruel joke and wanting a baby so fast will add pressure to him / the situation.

best of luck, just give yourselves some time x

@HeyGuysItsNicolethe cruel joke is that I always made it clear I wanted babies close in age I compromised on the age gap after the birth of our first then got pregnant and felt all the pregnancy feelings. I had just about got my head around wanting a a baby now and having to wait but since being pregnant it just felt so right and perfect I’m now having to wait again and it’s even harder. I will never force my husband into anything we have spoken about it and I know he wants to wait and that’s that. I’m allowed to feel upset and think it’s cruel to want something badly and then have it before it’s taken away and I’m made to wait all over again.