If you child is in yr 7 at school - how independent are they?

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Hi
if your child is in year 7 at school - how independent are they?

My DD is in year 7. But she 11at the moment. She is not 12 until next summer. I drop her to school each morning and she walks home from school which is approx 2 miles. I have just started leaving her alone in the house to go shopping and also pop out to have coffee with a friend. She wants to meet a friend next Saturday in town for bubble tea and so I said I will drop her off and I will wait in a coffee shop to bring her home.

she rarely goes to the shops alone to buy things. Or out to the park alone. She does not have her own phone yet. She has not got a bus alone yet.

I am finding it difficult to judge the level of independence she should have at this age. She has a friend whose parents always walk to school and collect and fully supervise all activities. They would not let their DD walk the distance that I allow my daughter when walking home from school.

I have a year 7 dd who is also not 12 until next summer. I think it depends very much on the family, where you live and what your circumstances are. Also the personality of the child. Dd is very independent (walks to and from school alone, meets friends at the park, goes to the shop alone, has a phone). But...she's the youngest of 3 and this has benefits for her as we are definitely more easy going than when our eldest was 11. Then there's her personality. My middle child who is 13 wouldn't still walk some places without me, I always have to drop her or collect her from places. Then I think with the area you live in sometimes it can be more agreeable to letting them out on short trips. Our shop is a ten min walk away with only 1 road to cross. If it was further and more roads I might not be as ok with it!

I have a summer born yr7. It's a bit different as we are in a 3 tier system; she is at a middle school and had to make the leap to secondary-style independence 2 years ago, so had access to more freedom earlier than those in a 2 tier set up. She is very independent, and largely very capable too, but she has always pushed to do things herself and it is as much her personality as our encouragement.

Since yr5 she gets a school bus to and from school with the other village DCs. She walks herself home from the bus stop in the afternoon.
She's had a phone for the last 2 yrs because of the bus. We've not had any issues as yet. It's got all the expected limits/controls on it, and she uses it mostly for messaging friends, Duolingo, making CapCut videos and listening to music.
I expect her to sort all day to day stuff in regards to school, but will advise her of what to do/who to speak to etc if necessary: homework, lost property, bringing whatever she needs for the day, login issues etc. School also expect this of their pupils and their communication with parents/how often we get invited onto site reflects it too.
She spends a large portion of her pocket money in the corner shop near the school, so has no problems there. In fact, they recently tried to short change her and she had no qualms about pointing out their 'error' and requesting the rest of their change 😬 (they are well-known for this, and clearly prey on DCs either not checking their change carefully or not having the courage to speak up).
She will walk to the park with a friend or her younger sister, but has her phone in case of any problems.
She can (and does) make herself breakfast, lunch and snacks at home, and bakes. She can do stuff like scrambled eggs, french toast, ramen (packet with added veg and meat etc), cookies, muffins, basic pasta in a tomato sauce, pizza toast etc.
She will happily stay home alone for an hour or so (under strict instructions not to cook etc) and knows what to do in an emergency. She likes the peace and quiet and control of the TV remote... She could be left for much longer and be fine in herself, but I wouldn't want to risk her getting bored/hungry and deciding that "making just a little snack wouldn't be a problem". This is as much from the mess it would leave as from any dangers posed!

Mine is 12 and in Y8. I would say all that is fine, though I wouldn’t feel comfortable with mine walking home 2 miles on her own and I wouldn’t really send her off into town without a phone.

I like to know that she could reach me in an emergency. And while mine walks home from the bus stop (she takes the bus to school), I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her walking 2 miles home, but maybe that’s because of where we live. 2 miles would be on a busy A road with no footpaths and no houses or businesses, so any weirdo could stop and harass her. Maybe if we lived in a city and it was a safe area, I’d feel differently.

Otherwise, happy for mine to meet up with friends as long as she lets me know where she’s going and to stay home alone.

Mine are a bit older, but at that age they were getting the bus to school and starting to go out with friends in town at the weekend.

I have a year 7 but older as 12 next month. School is 7 miles away and there’s two buses which are poorly timed so at the moment I drive him and collect him, I’m hoping in the summer he can cycle it. He’s been out with friends since year 5 but has a tracker on his phone. He has been to the cinema with another friend and they were both fine to buy their own stuff and watch the film sensibly. There’s some of his friends that I wouldn’t allow him to go with. I think yours sounds ok, phones are handy but I get that you don’t want them accessing things or becoming a phone zombie. I’ve been lucky that mine has one but really only uses it for going out, this is more by luck than anything else.
I’ve not yet and probably wouldn’t yet leave him in the house alone though.

Why doesn't she have a phone?

In year 7, DS walked to and fro school - although I'd pick him up if it got dark after an activity as I was worried about him being a bit stupid on the roads in the dark.

He was catching busses into our local town at that age, but for longer journeys, that was more towards the end of year 7 and at first only with other friends.

Absolutely was in town doing his own thing with friends, but not in the evening.

Park/shops alone or with friends - yes.

My year 6 can go to the shop alone is often in small groups i nour local town centre during the middle of the day. She's allowed at the park with friends, but has to be home before 5 as that's when all the families leave and the parks can start to get a bit "rougher". She popeed to co op to pick up ingredients for a cake just yesterday - its a 3 minute walk - then came home and made the cake.

It may make life a lot easier for her if she has a basic phone so she can call and text.

DD walks to and from school with friends 1mile each way. She has to be home by 4 but can go to friends houses or the park till then. I feel more comfortable knowing she has a phone and can call if there are any issues. Her friend who doesn't have a phone relies on the other children to stay in touch with her mum which doesn't seem appropriate (it means mum has lots of children's numbers in her phone)

She does a lot of hobbies so is very organized with homework and packing her kit and rarely on screens because she is so busy. She likes Lego, colouring and maths to unwind

We don't have good buses round here so if she goes shopping a parent takes a group of them and waits in a coffee shop.

She doesn't really stay at home alone but that's just because she's so busy with hobbies there aren't many chances! Her hobby has made her very independent and confident but she also loves family time

At year 7, my child was getting the bus to and from secondary school and allowed to go into town to meet friends during the day (using the bus). If he goes to the cinema with friends in the evening for example, I would drop off and pick up. They would stay home for a few hours alone during the day.

Thinking back on DD in Y7 - she really wasn’t very independent at all. She’s my first and only child so I suppose I wasn’t really sure on what to do/expect. I wish I would’ve pushed her a bit more!

I gave her lifts to/from school - genuinely don’t think she ever used public transport until about Y9! She’d go out to town or for lunch with friends but definitely didn’t go anywhere alone. Didn’t leave her home alone for more than half an hour. If I was working during the school holidays she’d be with friends/family or at an activity camp (her choice, I would’ve definitely trusted her she was scared).

Her early lack of independence certainly hasn’t had a permanent effect though.. Now a very independent, confident 21yo healthcare student who has spent the majority of this year solo travelling Australia!

My dd is also year 7(May Birthday).

She goes to the shop/park with friends and walks the 15 mins to school alone or meets a friend. However we live in tiny very rural town. She hasn't been on a bus alone but it's 18 miles to the larger town, so it wouldnt be a short bus ride. I think my ds was about 15 before I let him go there with friends. I don't like her walking in the dark. So do pick her up from after school activities but if it's say day time, I'm happy for her to go out locally with friends. We have life 360 on her mobile too.m

Ds in year 7 - walked to school everyday and home. Went to the corner shop, left at home for short periods and also had a phone. He is a quieter boy and not a huge socialiser but would occassionaly meet a friend in the park or would hop on the bus into town.

He is my 3rd child though - so I probaby was more relaxed

DD who is 12 in May walks to town at 7.30 every morning to catch the school bus and walks back every evening.
She's been going to town with friends and smaller supermarkets to get treats/things we've run out of for the last year. She has also been to buy the ingredients for dinner and cooked with help. She walks to Scouts but not home as it's quite late and poorly lit.

DS is older and has some SEN but he can also do most of this alone.

They are both very poor at following verbal directions though so if they are lost they ring up and ask what to do and then totally ignore the directions! DS is happy to ask an adult for directions to the shop he wants to go to, or to one he knows his way home from.

DS will independently check whether he has any chores or worksheets to do (his school does nothing at all that stretches him). DD tries to pretend it isn't happening and hopes if she has a big enough tantrum she won't have to do homework.

(DD doesn't like being home alone though, and DS we try to limit it to short periods - less than half an hour - as he has epilepsy. I would rather he had a seizure out in town than home alone as someone would help him. We have a camera in the play room where he would usually chill in front of the TV if home alone but if we were very far away we wouldn't be able to come back quickly).

We're in Scotland but I have an almost 11 year old. He makes his own way to/from school and cycles to the next village with friends for Scouts and a sport although the majority is along a path rather than a road. He can go to the shop alone. He's been left home alone for brief intervals (10/15 mins). He takes responsibility for homework and violin practice. Overall I think he's fairly independent. He does have a phone though. I think it's particularly important for cycling at night.

DS was more like this (in contrast to his sister) it took him longer to do things independently. Although I expect the pandemic had a role in that too.

You've had a lot of respectful answers so far OP, father than the usual "Oh my GOD I can't believe your 12-yr old does this thing/doesn't do this thing" 😁 I think an earlier poster had it right in that at this age it's very dependent on location, family, time of year/darkness, maturity of hild and their friends etc.

My 12-yr old (Y7), also at middle school, walks to and from school (5-10 mins) on his own and has done for at least a year.

He sometimes goes to the rec after school with a friend, with an agreed time to be home by.

When we're in our (small market) town, he can head off to shops on his own and meet us twenty mins later etc. He's good at liaising with adults in shops/asking for assistance etc. He doesn't yet meet friends on his own in town but I expect he will soon.

I sometimes leave him at home on his own for 30-60 mins and can drop in on him via Alexa if I do that (he doesn't have a phone).

We don't really have anywhere interesting to get a bus to from here but I would probably be ok with that, if he wanted to - he is extremely sensible and mature.

Given he doesn't have a phone, he knows that the first thing to do if there's a problem or emergency is either find a trusted adult and ask to borrow their phone or knock on the door of someone we know and do the same.

I have a late August born year 7 daughter. She walks to and from school (has done since year 5) and will go out around the local area (shops, park etc) with friends. She hasn’t got the bus to town yet but I would be happy for her to. She has a phone and happily stays at home alone when needed.