DS5 playdates/friendships (or lack thereof)

[Tintarella]

DS 5 doesn't seem to have forged any particular friendships in Yr 1. He's happy at school (and out of school) but should I be worried? I feel constantly guilty for not having arranged more playdates for him but it would be like plucking a name at random out of a hat as I have no idea who he plays with more than others (he doesn't tell me much and his teacher says he's the kind of kid who will prioritise the activity over the playmate). He seems just as happy playing with girls as boys, probably because he enjoys stereotypically "girl" activities a bit more than play-fighting etc. But is basically open to everyone, it seems to me.

While he doesn't seem that bothered about having particular friends, and is a happy boy in general, I don't want him to miss the boat and get to Y2/3 with other kids in firm groups and him on the sidelines because I didn't get my act together (can you hear the guilt/neurosis?) Or am I overthinking that part? Anyone had a similar kid who didn't form any close friendships until later in school? My elder DS was different in that he was very set on making friends from an early age.

Any advice on the social minefield of having to send a WhatsApp out of the blue to someone who may not know us from Adam (I am not at the school gates very much due to work) and whose child may not want to come anyway? I know I probably need to be bold but the whole thing makes me feel a bit anxious.

Is his class still having whole class birthday parties? Has he been invited to any?

Quite normal for 5 year olds not to have particular friends. If you want to have a play date then ask him to suggest someone - just someone he likes is fine, it doesn't have to be more scientific than that.

As per PP - does he get invited to parties? That's a good chance to see who he interacts with.

I also wouldn't worry about "missing the boat". By about 7/8 he'll be much clearer about who he likes and doesn't like (albeit might still change on a regular basis).

I'm not sure why you would have the number of someone who doesn't know you, but it's perfectly fine to send a message saying "Hi, I'm X's mum, just wondering if Y would like to come over for a playdate?".

Yes he's being invited to plenty of parties. But zero playdates. (And I haven't tried to arrange any either, because I have no idea who's likely to want one!)

Also I don’t think the odd play date here or there will make much difference - friendships are formed in the classrooms.
My son is in year one and they do seem to have formed favourites, but when I watch them play at parties it all still seems pretty fluid to me.

He's a typical boy I'd say. They tend to be activity oriented rather than focussing on relationships (I was the same- football/sports so some girls are like this as well). In the case of your son I would just invite a couple of classmates over who share his interests. Then you see who are well-behaved and have Nice parents and encourage those relationships. Nice parents is important only when they are young because you don't want your child to be invited to someone batshit crazy/to a child that's rude.

My experience with boys in KS1 is that there are a few tight friendships but generally they all just play with each other. Just ask him who he likes and ask their parent on WhatsApp if you really want a play date. But honestly if he’s being invited to whole class parties and having a good time when there you don’t have anything to worry about.

The party is thing is difficult though because in Reception he literally spent a lot of them clinging to us and not interacting much with his classmates, which made me feel awful for him and worried, tbh. I think he's got a bit more confident now but they're still not his favourite thing.

I had this exact worry and ended up speaking to the teacher and asking for a few names of children my son played with or children my son was likely to get on with. I then set up play dates with them (individually). It was really finding those that had things in common etc, mine not into football or play fighting either but he soon found like minded souls who love imaginary play, similar topics, tv shows, now minecraft…and has some really close friendships.

Thanks all. @LovingAzureJoker that's exactly my son- loves imaginary play etc. And thanks @GooseOnMyGrave the "friendships are formed in the classrooms" is something I needed to hear as I've been beating myself up a lot about this recently. It was certainly our experience with DC1 but I sense this may be a harder battle second time round...