I find it a bit odd to be told I look 10 years old, especially since I’m 42

[HelloandThankU]

I’m a 42-year-old East Asian woman, and I go to a local weekly activity with my 18-year-old child. The people there are quite friendly, and I’ve gotten to know one gentleman in particular. Every time he sees me, he says he can’t believe I’m the mother of an 18-year-old. Yesterday, he even said I look like I’m 10! I know I might look young, especially because I’m quite short, but what does it mean when someone says that? Does he mean I look too childish?

I think he’s just trying to give you what he thinks is a compliment, albeit rather clumsily. I wouldn’t overthink it, just smile vaguely and maybe make a joke of it, or just ignore it.

Or he could just be one of those that thinks they’re being hilarious when they’re actually being quite unfunny and patronising.

Im short at 5’0 and I found that certain men (always men rarely ever women) especially in the workplace out the blue would try to put me down by commenting on my height and making ‘jokes’, it was all very passive aggressive and you just have to develop a thick skin. I’ve lost count the number of times I’d say ‘I have no issue with my height so not sure why you’re so obsessed with it’. The mad thing is frequently some of these men where under average height for a male themselves! 🤦🏻‍♀️

As PP said, don’t even try to decipher it and ignore him.

I'd say that he doesn't really think you look 10 years old and means no disrespect, just that you look very young!

I had a Filipina colleague who looked at most 28 and was flabbergasted to find she had a 22 year old daughter. I'm usually quite a good judge of age, and over the years had worked with many nurses from The Philippines who looked way younger than their true age but I was truly surprised at this woman's age!

hmmmm…
1.) He’s trying to compliment you and clearly hasn’t thought about the implications of linking being attractive and youthful with actual childhood, gross and common.
2.) He’s trying to be funny, typical jokes and banter
3.) He’s fetishising youth and perhaps being East Asian women as childlike and small/petite and thinks it’s a compliment

Any of those are what comes to mind

You could address this by putting a photo on here and someone will tell you that you look 71. I think it was a weird compliment.

Thank you everyone for sharing your opinions. My child, who came with me, also felt uncomfortable with what the man said. He commented that my child looks older than me, or that we look like an older brother and younger sister. He doesn’t say things like that to other people, but he always does to us, even though we’ve told him I’m middle-aged and my child is 18. I enjoy the event, but I’ve started to feel that maybe we shouldn’t go anymore.

Isn't it a common thing that people say 'oh you look 12' when someone doesn't look their age
Just this time he's said 10 instead

I'd just brush over it/laugh it off or whatever.

He's a creeper.
I think you should tell him, or better, still, get the organisers to tell him, that his uncalled for personal comments are making you and your son uncomfortable.
If he's not doing it on purpose, he needs to know the effect his comments are having, and should stop. If he is making you uncomfortable on purpose, the organiser need to know, and and take steps to deal with it. The worst thing you can do is turn a blind eye. Call it out.

To be fair some adult women do have bodies like 10yr old boys but we’ve no idea what you look like, OP….. Anyway I think it’s unlikely he’s referring to your body and was trying to compliment you but exaggerated a bit too much!

Thank you very much again for your comments. I probably overreacted a bit, and I’ll just try to laugh it off.

Since we moved to England in 2015, I haven’t really done much to get involved, so I thought it was time to start integrating into the community. Recently, I’ve joined several local activities, and my husband (British) and I also became members of a local social community club through self-referral.
I’ve been making an effort to introduce myself to people there, especially the staff. However, when I went to the bar today to ask for something, I overheard a group of men talking about me — they said “Ting Tong” and laughed. That made me feel quite sad, because all I want is to be part of the community and feel accepted. When we were leaving, I saw one of the men from that group, so I introduced myself to him — and he turned out to be very friendly. I really hope I can continue finding ways to integrate and feel at home here in the UK, rather than being judged by how I look.

This.

He's negging you. Which means he's not your friend. I'd guess he's into you, knows you're out of his league and is trying to knock your confidence in the hope it'll mean he's in with a chance. I find men who behave like this disgusting and I'd cool the friendship considerably. When your DC no longer goes to the activity I wouldn't stay in touch with this guy.

I was told I looked like a FIVE year old!

Actually no, now I think about it, they said I ACTED like a five year old. So I scribbled all over the screen of their PowerPoint presentation, threw a cake at the window and stormed out of the Board Meeting.

They'll come running back (I hope) when they want the Monthy Management Reports.

If he doesn't stop (and he probably won't, because he's ignored you standing up to him in your subtle way already), this is enough of a reason to find another club to join. Don't discount your gut feeling, it's there to keep you safe.

I advise you don't try to be friends with people who make you feel bad or speak badly of you. It's highly unlikely you'll change their opinion of you by being nice or that they'll start treating you better once they see how nice you are. They're not treating you this way because they think you're horrible, they're doing it because they are horrible. They'll just see you as weak and a pushover for being nice to them when they're treating you like shit.

Don't mistake politeness or nosiness for friendliness. People who are nice to your face but talking shit about you behind your back are to be avoided, but at least they know what they're doing is wrong, that's why it's only done behind your back. The ones who think it's ok to do it to your face are worse, because they don't see their behaviour as wrong at all. The more you put up with it, the worse they'll get.

You'd be totally justified in saying loudly, so others hear "don't talk about me like that you fucking creep!" and walk off. It lets others hear that he's causing you a problem (they most probably already know the type of person he is) and it lets the arseholes know you're not going to take their nonsense. If you laugh it off, you'll be putting up with it forever more.

So this man was part of the group that called you Ting Tong? They are disgusting, you don’t need to be nice to them. I’m so sorry. Bunch of racist twats.

Are you aware of the reference? It’s been a long time since Little Britain was on the TV and it was thoroughly unpleasant on the TV, let alone people using that as a racist slur.

Dolphinnoises, no — the incidents of being called “Ting Tong” and being mistaken for my age happened in different places. The name-calling happened at the local community club, where we are still brand new members.
One of the men from that group, whom we spoke to when leaving, is a regular, and we hope to become regular members too. For the sake of my husband, I decided not to overreact. I told the man that I want to integrate into English society and get to know more British people, instead of only meeting people from my own country in the UK. He seemed impressed — he could have just been acting, but at least I managed to talk to someone from the group without making a scene.

I know what “Ting Tong” means. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been writing down everyone’s names that I meet at the club and in activities in a notebook to memorize them because I want to make an effort to connect and participate.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this nonsense from these ignorant people. Please don't allow a few idiots to put you off.💐

I’m very petite and look young for my age and it’s been the topic of much conversation throughout my life but if anyone said directly to me I looked 10 or even 12, I’d take that as a back handed compliment which is more passive aggressive and mocking than a real compliment. People generally just exclaim they thought I was in my late 20s, 30s whatever but not say “you look 10” like wtf?! Even if a woman has a ‘child like’ body, you know she’s an adult so why on earth would you compare her to an actual child - it’s just rude and usually comes from a place of jealousy if it was said by a woman or if it’s a man, they just want to put you down due to their own insecurities 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Did no one ever say to you
You look about 12 though?
For some reason that seems to be the age people love to say for people who look young
I don't think theyb seriously think you look 12 obviously but for some reason it seems to be an thing that people say

I think the way you acted was amazing and I think it might well lead to changing racist stereotyped opinions at that club. Small minds can become bigger when a character on tv becomes a real life friend all of a sudden.

Good on you (but sorry it ever happens as well: you acted with a lot of grace).