WWYD- avoiding friends coming round with badly behaved child

[Avoidingnaughtykid]

He’s always been badly behaved and is now a young teenager.
Our friends don’t enforce any rules or boundaries. He constantly whines and shows off. It’s honestly exhausting.
Last time he came here he almost broke a piece of furniture with a tantrum. The mum in particular will sit there all day while he constantly nags and whinges. I would have taken him home.
They insist on bringing him everywhere, we try to suggest meeting out to keep him busy but I think they’re catching on to our avoiding and keep making suggestions about ‘coming to you next time’.

What would you do? I think any discussion around his behaviour would lead to the end of the friendship. But I can’t have him ruining my house.

Just be straight with them! If it ruins your friendship then so be it they aren’t proper friends are they! Rather ruin a friendship than wreck my house and have the anxiety of the little turd under my roof!

Sorry, we’re not having people round at the moment but happy to meet for a coffee, meal, walk / whatever.

I'm surprised that a 13 year old is still having tantrums; that sort of behaviour can't win him many friends. Anyway, ignore their hints, they can't force you to invite them round. Remember, they probably don't want to lose your friendship particularly if they've already lost friends as a result of his behaviour in which case they won't push the issue.

Don’t have them over. If they’re not taking the hint you need to be clear that Jerry makes it clear how much he doesn’t like being at yours, remind them he nearly destroyed the item in question, and say you’re only available to meet up elsewhere. Any push back and I wouldn’t be available to see them at all.

She says he has ‘anxiety’, that he is well behaved at school and popular. But I’ve never seen him behave well, not for more than an hour or so. Then he starts.

I'd risk the friendship and be honest.

Word it around him. ie “little Johnny gets upset when he visits here, it must be really boring for him so it would be better for him if we went somewhere else more interesting than mine. I don’t want anyone in my house unhappy. So how about we go to xyz place for coffee”

If they say “no hes fine honestly, we’ll just come” then stand firm “no Julie, he nearly smashed my good chair last time he was at mine and bored, I don’t want him hurting himself, no no I like to see him happy and enjoying himself, I like to see young ones having fun and I don’t want him hating me and my boring house. So where does he like going with you and we can all go?”

Surely nobody could complain about that attitude? It’s all for little Johnny. Nothing to do with the little ratbag nearly smashing your expensive Chippendale chair, more about his health and well being”

A 13 year old having tantrums has something else going on.

Just tell her you don’t want visitors at the moment and leave it at that.

I agree there is something a bit odd going on here. Most parents would be relaxed about leaving a 13-year-old home alone (unless your friends are travelling hundreds of miles to see you or staying overnight). And I think most teenagers would be much happier left home alone than being forced to tag along when their parents visit friends.