Partner thinks I will dump him one day

[humboldte]

Has anyone had experience of their partner voicing that they think you will dump them one day?

We are very happy together. Have a few niggles every now and again. Lived together for four years and have been together for five years. Started off pretty rocky early on - unfaithful and then I got dumped… but got back together three months later and been together since. Do you think it is hangover guilt?

I asked him why and he says he thinks that I am too good for him, and will one day wake up and see “how many guys want you” and that would be the end of the relationship. I find it very strange as have not voiced any doubt about us in years.

I would find this both tedious and exhausting. He sounds like a whiny baby. Is this really how you see the soundtrack to the rest of your life?

I couldn’t be doing with this.

Was he unfaithful at the start of your relationship?

You were unfaithful or he was?

In my experience, if a guy says they are worried you’ll cheat/ leave / hurt them, it’s actually them expressing that they will cheat/leave / hurt you

He was

God he sounds exhausting.

It would annoy me that he thinks I'd only leave him if I realised I could get another man. The other option is that you might want to be on your own without this big cheating eejit whining on.

Yes I do think it's related to the cheating, it's projection. He's seen himself do it so he believes you could too. Maybe if he believes you'll do it he can tell himself he needs not feel guilty or like he did anything wrong.

It's not healthy at all, I'd say you need to explore this in couple's therapy if you want this to work.

Why did you get back after he was unfaithful? Would really piss me off him going on like that after what he did.

Sounds to me like he's doing the ground work to excuse future cheating.

"i only cheated because i thought you were going to leave me" or some other bullshit.

Totally this.
Been there twice before unfortunately... Never again though.
It's tedious and in my experience nothing you do will alleviate their insecurities, because nothing you are doing is wrong.

So he cheated on you and got back together with you 3 months later after she didnt want to proceed him?

saying you're too good for him is simply a tactic. He's going to treat you badly and when you complain he will say 'see, told you you were too good for me'

when you reveal his cheating he will say 'well, it's because of my low self-esteem, and you're too good for me, this proves me right'

etc. etc etc. this is an insurance tactic against you finding out what a twat he is.

Take it from an old lady who did all the field work.

I want to add that his lack of self-esteem is a real red flag.

If you carry on showing him love and care he won't think 'oh she's give me such love and care even though I don't love myself. I should cherish her and reward her.'

Instead he will think 'what a mug showing love and care to me, he of such low self-esteem.' this will turn into resentment and punishment against you.

I would say it's his cheater mindset and he's seeking reassurance in an annoying and passive way
If he says it again say "better work hard to keep me, then" to shut it down.
I hope you snoop if you need to as this would make me feel suspicious

I also agree that often with men they don't appreciate women who forgive them for their misdeeds and love them whilst they feel bad about themselves. They start to resent you for even having seen them in that way, and prefer to start afresh with a new woman who has no bad memories or opinions of him.

Yeah, but behaviour like that is too extreme to be limited to just one woman.

If he's capable of cheating, he ll do it again.

He's a piece of shit and he knows he is. He ll cheat on the next woman, too.
It won't be long before the mask slips whoever he's with

I'd suspect he is cheating or at least considering it, because that's been my experience of men carrying on like this.

well I would leave him, he sounds like a whiney little twat who wants to guilt you when he slept around. You can do better.

Dump him now to save him the worry