Worried I've embarrassed myself at work

[embarrassedmyself]

I'm currently grieving the loss of my Grandma. My workplace allows for a few days off for extended family loss. I took one day off (the day I found out), and mainly used it for giving practical support to family members - I think out of guilt and embarrassment as my family are very much the kind that you just get on with things and that it's 'just a part of life'. I kept myself busy that day and don't think I really processed it.

I returned to work and was fine. Then today when it hit me. I was working from home today and just kept crying and crying. I couldn't stop and pull myself together. I had a meeting coming up and couldn't push it to the side and carry on. I had to message my manager and say I think I needed to take some time off and had to say that I couldn't join my meeting as I couldn't stop crying. They were really understanding.

Now I've calmed down I just feel really embarrassed and feel like I've acted unprofessionally. I feel embarrassed that I had to open up to my manager as I'm usually quite a closed book at work and keep to myself. I'm also worried about attendance and that colleagues will think I'm flakey and unreliable. I'm spiralling and thinking how I shouldn't attend the funeral so that I don't have to miss anymore time off work and mess my colleagues around again. I also feel like because other workplaces don't give time off for grandparent loss that it means that I shouldn't have to take it.

I've had loss before in this job and I just carried on as normal at work and didn't feel the need to tell anyone. I know how to just carry on and work through things but I couldn't today and I feel embarrassed because of it.

There is really no need to be embarrassed.
Grief hits people differently, but it would be a very cold person who didn’t feel sadness at all at the loss of a loved one.

Crying is perfectly understandable, and absolutely acceptable.
Let yourself grieve and take the time you need. Be kind to yourself, sometimes it just isn’t possible to have a stiff upper lip and carry on, and you don’t have to when you’ve lost someone you love.

I’m sorry for your loss

There is no reason to be embarrassed, sending you love across the internet. Grief hits us all differently and at different times. You absolutely did the right thing by not doing the meeting whilst upset.

Would you judge a colleague of yours who this happened to, and expect them to miss the funeral and stay at work so as not to inconvenience you? If no then don’t do it to yourself.

Absolutely no need to be embarrassed at all. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if a recently bereaved colleague apologised for not being able to attend a meeting as they were feeling upset. If you are usually quite closed at work they will realise this is unusual for you and be sympathetic. It’s a completely normal reaction to losing a family member. If I was your manager I’d suggest you took a couple of extra days off.

I think you acted very professionally. You understood your limitations and excused yourself in the correct way. It sounds like your were polite and your boss was understanding.

Unprofessional behaviour would have been to just not turn up, or to turn up and cry loudly throughout the meeting.

You did exactly the right thing in exactly the right way.

Everyone will experience grief and loss throughout their working career, and today you have learned the value of a compassionate colleague/manager. Which, now you've gained lived experience of seeing what a difference that compassion can make, you'll be able to apply it to others going forward. Which will make you an even better colleague to others going forward.

I wouldn’t judge a colleague on this. You’re grieving. Go to the funeral, take some annual leave if you need to. And perhaps if you can, have a couple of days of work where you block off your diary to get on with some stuff at home on your own. Could you do that?

My nan died earlier this year. I cried when I got the news that the drs didn’t think she had long left and fled when my manager suggested i go to the hospital.
I took 3 days compassionate leave… cried to my manager on the phone.
When I returned to work the sympathy from others would set me off.
They didn’t think any less of me.

Life happens and grief is a part of that. Don’t be embarrassed.

Definitely take time for the funeral.

This is grief honey and u should
never ever be embarrassed or ashamed of grieving. Sending u a huge hug and handhold from Egypt.

Your work
sound like they are supportive and u sound a lovely and caring
person so they will know for sure this is not normal
for you and they will treat you with care. Sorry for your loss.

Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about x

I cried about a girl I went to school with and hadn't seen for 14 years. We were the same school year and went to brownies together etc.

Why on earth do you think your grandma dying, someone you've known since birth would be embarrassing.

Bless you OP, please don’t worry. Everyone will understand.

When my nan died I stupidly went into work and promptly burst into uncontrollable tears. Everyone was aghast that I had come in and sent me back home again.

Take the time you need 💐

Op so sorry for your loss. How you have behaved is perfectly fine and I don't think anyone will judge you badly for it. It's perfectly normal and actually really really healthy to express your emotions in this way. Hope you are ok and try not to worry about it and take the time that you need. In years to come this - how you reacted in relation to work over this - will be a distant insignificant memory.

Thank you everyone, you've made me feel a lot better. I thought I had committed some awful faux pas to tell my manager I was too upset to attend a meeting. I always eer on the side of caution/being guarded at work so this is very unlike me. I don't think any colleagues know, only my manager, so I'll tell them too when I get the opportunity so they have more context and realise I'm not just having random days off sick

Also thank you everyone for the condolences and kind words 💐

Nothing to be embarrassed about at all.

I'm very sorry for your loss, I bet you were a wonderful granddaughter

I've had quite a few people wjo report to me give me a ring and have a proper cry over the years (generally non-work related stuff, its not me upsetting them!!).

I'm always really sorry to hear that they're struggling but also take it as a massive compliment that they trust me enough to give me a ring and open up when they're at the lowest ebb- its a huge privilege that they've felt able to do this and confide in me. I've never judged anyone for it, I just feel massive sympathy for what they're going through, and really want to make sure that work is supporting them as much as we can.

You’re being way too hard on yourself. Put yourself in the shoes of your colleague or manager - would you judge a colleague in your situation? Please go to the funeral. You sound very anxious. I’m sorry for your loss.

Your manager expects you to be a human being rather than a robot. Never apologise or feel guilty about grieving someone you love.

Grief is never embarrassing, your manager sounds lovely. No one would have any reaction other than to say "aw bless her" and "that's fine, she needs time". It's not like anyone would laugh or be horrified that you're upset! You have to remember it's just a job. You matter more than your attendance! Everyone had time off, usually to pull sickies so you're allowed a few days off to grieve!

Forget about work for a few days, you have to grieve, its unavoidable! Could you do something nice on the weekend like go somewhere special to you both, or even just bake a cake she loved?

Be kind to yourself, OP.

When someone I was very close to died, I cried at work (and without trying to hide it).

Give yourself the time you need to grieve and to attend the funeral xx